back

Title: The One In the Beginning
Author:
Pairing: None Really
Part: 1/1
Rating: PG
Series: The One Series
Warning: Angst Warning

~*~*~*~*~*~

At fourteen the world looked impossibly big. And scary. And foreign. Okay, so it was foreign because they were in Germany, had been for days ...weeks ...felt like years but Nick knew it couldn’t be years because just nine months ago he had been at home, trying to decide whether or not he should do MMC or join Backstreet Boys. He can’t fool himself, he knew that the choice was never his. MMC or Backstreet. Lou made the better pitch, he’d promised more and Jane was definitely interested in more. The second that he stopped to catch his breath, he’d realized he was in Europe. Alone, surprisingly, because Jane waited long enough to make sure Nick was settled in and he knew what was expected of him before she was on a plane back to the states, trying to figure out how to capitalize on the fact that she still had four other children perfectly capable of reaching star status as well.

Now, nine months later he wondered what he’d done to deserve the insurmountable torture he’d been punished with. He went from being the oldest, to the youngest and he vowed never to pick on his siblings ever again. Every mean thing that he had ever done to BJ, Leslie and the twins paled in comparison to what Kevin, Howie, Brian and AJ have done to him. Most nights he thinks he hates them, during the day he knows he does.

He’s fourteen, but Kevin is twenty three and if there’s anything that is more true in the world, it’s that nine years is a huge gap in age. Especially those nine years. Kevin hates Nick, simply for existing and feels necessary to remind him of that fact every single second of the day. Nick has made it his personal goal to change Kevin’s mind about him and make him like him.

He’s not doing a good job so far.

It’s not that Nick means to do the things that he does, sometimes they just happen. And he’s sure that the other guys were awkward and clumsy at age fourteen, trying to fit into their skin but he's finding it increasingly difficult when he doesn’t feel comfortable anywhere, but it doesn’t make them any easier on him. In fact, he thinks they make it harder on him for that reason, that they’ve been through it and he hasn’t. With each word, each comment and each glare, he vows that one day he will show them. They will realize how vital to the group he is and be thankful that they didn’t get rid of him, no matter how hard Kevin fought for it.

The nightmares and homesickness started the week that Jane went back to the States. Yes, she was a pain, and yes, she seemed to cause him more trouble than anything, but she was still his mother and the only family he had. She was his rock, his reminder of home, and when she left, he was truly alone. At first Nick tried to hide it, but the bus wasn’t that big and Nick could never cry quietly. Just as he had suspected, the morning after his worst cases of home sickness, the guys would be there to remind him how immature and stupid he was and loudly question why on earth they would need a baby in their group.

Even Brian, who Nick had become slightly closer to than the rest of them, which hurt even more.

The Backstreet Baby, they had called him, not realizing the pain reflecting in his eyes. The longer it went on, the more homesick he became and Nick began to retreat into himself. Nights were the worst and Nick could barely sleep due to over exhaustion. Black circles became ever present around his eyes and more often than not, he would fall asleep periodically throughout the day, causing the guys to get even more mad at him.

It was AJ, months after the fact, that recognized Nick’s rapidly deteriorating state. A meeting had been called, with just the four of them, to discuss Nick and it was there that each had admitted to avoiding Nick at all costs, especially at night when his immaturity seemed to peak. They agreed that something should be done, without anyone stepping up to take responsibility. Kevin admitted that he couldn’t do it that night, he had plans that he couldn’t discuss or divulge information on. They would have to come up with an alternate plan or do it another night, as he was busy.


What Kevin didn’t notice was Nick watching him from afar. He saw Kevin exit the hotel room, after hours, with a vaguely familiar man that Nick was sure he’d seen at numerous showcases in recent weeks. The two were much closer and friendlier than Nick had ever seen Kevin be with someone.

Ever.

Especially a man.

Curious, Nick had decided it was best he not follow Kevin, no matter how much he wanted to know what was going on. Instead, he crept into Kevin’s room and ordered in a pay per view movie, despite knowing the rules against doing just that. He was gone before Kevin returned and was curled up, pretending to be asleep in his own bed by the time Brian entered their room from his own evening out.

No one could have predicted the events of the following morning.

At breakfast, Lou was yelling at Kevin about his activities the evening before. He claimed he saw the oldest member of the group leave with an unknown man, who’s intentions seemed less than noble. Kevin denied the accusation, but without proof of his whereabouts, he had no safety net. That was where Nick stepped in.

"He ..he was with me Papa Lou. We watched a movie and I fell asleep."

Everyone turned to stare at Nick in surprise. Especially Kevin.

"What?" Lou screeched, focusing his attention on the blonde ‘baby’ of the group. He narrowed his eyes and stepped closer.

Nick only nodded, refusing to let Lou know how disgusted he was by his close proximity. "Check the bill if you want. At eleven, we ordered a movie and we stayed in. He knew how homesick I’ve been and he was trying to cheer me up."

AJ, Brian and Howie all assumed Kevin had changed his plans. They exchanged looks and shrugged before continuing on with what they’d been doing prior to Lou’s outburst. Kevin was not as quick to leave. Lou, unbeknownst to Nick, had been waiting for Kevin to screw up to have a reason to send him home, but at Nick’s insistence, he checked the bill to Kevin’s room to find that a movie had indeed been charged to the room, a luxury that they weren’t exactly entitled to.

Nick saw that Lou was about to yell at Kevin for charging the movie and once again he moved at lightning speed. He knew exactly where Lou’s weakness laid and preyed to that. Within seconds, a perfected pout and kittenish eyes were focused on Lou and Nick had curled up against him.

"I’m sorry Lou, I begged him to order the movie. I’ve just been so homesick and lonely. Please don’t be mad at Kevin." He batted his eyelashes and licked his lips.

Lou hadn’t stood a chance. All was forgotten within minutes and Kevin was only given a warning not to make a habit out of things.

Kevin remained in his spot, unblinking. When they were alone, Nick reverted to his quiet reserved self, barely looking at Kevin. "I’m sorry I was in your room last night. It won’t happen again."

Kevin fought to find the right words to express what he was feeling in that minute, but couldn’t voice them. What came out was, "He’s never ...touched you, has he Nick?" Kevin hasn’t missed the look that Lou had given Nick and had to restrain himself from punching the older man in the face. Thankfully, the young blonde shook his head.

"Nah. But he watches me. Closely. It’s kinda creepy but I can get away with tons of stuff. Plus, mom says it’s good that he’s interested, it means he’ll keep me around longer."

"If he ever..."

Nick shook his head and interrupted Kevin before he could say anymore. "Don’t worry about me Kevin. I won’t screw this up for us. I can take care of myself. I have so far, and no one will know, so don’t worry."

Kevin didn’t doubt that Nick could take care of himself, but the thing was that he shouldn’t have had to. That was what his parents were for, and mostly, that’s what the guys were there for. To protect him because, although Kevin wished he could forget the fact, Nick was still only fourteen. Way too young to be leered at how Lou leered at him, drooled over as if he were a piece of candy and Kevin hadn’t missed the sparkle in Lou’s eye every time he looked at him. Nick had gone out on a limb for Kevin and now he knew it was time to start taking care of the kid, no matter how much distance he wanted to keep between them. That day, Kevin decided to make a change.

The rooms were always divided up with Nick and Brian in one room and Howie and AJ in the other. Kevin usually got the single, unless Howie got the single and AJ and Kevin roomed together, but never did anyone except Brian get Nick. That was why when Kevin announced the next day at breakfast that there were going to be new rooming arrangements, everyone was in shock. Nick thought it was a big joke, one that he didn’t find the least bit funny. He’d stopped listening after the first assignment. Him and Kevin.

Kevin and him.

If the expressions on Howie, Brian and AJ’s faces were any indication, this was something that Kevin had come up with on his own. Nick barely noticed when Brian and Howie approached him afterwards.

"You gonna be okay Kaos?" Kaos was a name they’d started calling him a few weeks back, when everything around him would be turned upside down and put into chaos by how fidgety and hyper he always was. Nick had been pleased to have a nickname, since it gave him the hope they didn’t hate his very existence, and had to agree that the name fit.

Nick nodded numbly in response. He was more focused on Kevin and AJ’s conversation and the question of how much longer he would be alive.

"You know, you can’t kill him right?" AJ asked, incredulously. He still couldn’t believe that Kevin was voluntarily rooming with Nick.

Kevin rolled his eyes. "I’m not going to kill him Alex."

AJ looked at Nick quickly before focusing back on Kevin. "And if you’re hoping to torture him until he quits and goes home, or until it drives him crazy and they have to lock him up ... Don’t. Please don’t. He’s not THAT bad a kid."

Nick felt somewhat comforted by AJ’s desire to keep him around. It was the first sign of someone giving a damn about him since they had left North America. For what have been the first time since they’d arrived overseas, Nick felt wanted, even if it was something as insignificant as AJ standing up to Kevin on his behalf. And Nick wasn’t naive enough to believe that it wasn’t purely selfish. It had more to do with the lack of time they would have to teach someone new the dances, not to mention actually finding someone who was in Nick’s range to sing his parts. So in effect, it was easier to keep Nick around than to replace him, but it was enough to elicit a smile. The smile was short lived as the thought of rooming with the oldest member scared Nick just a little, for more than a few reasons. Nick was screwed.

Nick didn’t stay around long enough to hear Kevin’s response. If he was going to be living with Kevin from now on, he would have to be a little neater and cleaner. With Brian, Nick didn’t worry all too much about his clothes or his personal things. Brian was a slob like him and didn’t care what Nick did. But Kevin was anal about things like that and Nick was surely going to avoid giving him any more reasons to hate him than he already had. On a good day, Nick knew he was skating on thin ice, and that was usually because Kevin would avoid him at all costs, sometime opting to pretend that the blonde didn’t exist. Nick would have to be good if it killed him, because the alternate was for Kevin to kill him.

The first night that they roomed together, Nick didn’t sleep a wink. Usually Brian was out late, and by the time he had returned, Nick had long since cried himself into a fitful sleep. Nick was usually fine until darkness hit, and then the night would drag on forever, reminding Nick of all of his worries and insecurities. It was then that he would find himself in his room, alone and defenseless. That night wasn’t an exception.

Except that Kevin had decided to stay in and keep Nick company. Where at least with Brian, he was able to wallow in his misery alone, he had to wallow in it with Kevin, silently. Nick hated the thought of crying in front of Kevin. He had to be grown up and mature, two things he certainly was not. They had watched television uncomfortably until Kevin had flipped it off and indicated that it was time to get some sleep. It was the moment Nick had been dreading all night. The first twenty minutes of darkness was spent tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position where sleep might come easier. The moment Kevin snapped at him to ‘shut the fuck up’, Nick went straight as a board. He held his breath, afraid that the sound of him inhaling and exhaling would be enough to piss the older man off and thought of all the ways that Kevin would torture him if given the chance.

Their wake up call came nice and early, as usual, and by the time Kevin had emerged from the shower, Nick was exhausted and still in bed. "Get in the shower," Kevin growled impatiently, as if annoyed that he would have to tell Nick to do the most basic of things.

His yelp echoed in the otherwise silent room and Nick scrambled so as not to initiate another round of comforting morning conversation. He refused to make eye contact with him, afraid that Kevin would find something else to be annoyed with.

"What did you do to him?" AJ accused Kevin at rehearsals that day. They had been given an extensive and exhausting session and were afforded a fifteen minute break to rehydrate and rest before another few hours of rehearsals. Lou wanted them properly prepared to do their countless showcases that week.

Looking over at the wall, Kevin was surprised to see Nick slumped over, curled up in the corner, falling asleep. He was still sitting and his forehead was creased while his eyebrows were furrowed. Although he was sleeping, sitting, he did not look at all comfortable or restful. Kevin could only shrug. He had no idea what had happened, and as he looked at the weary lines decorating the child’s face, he felt his heart pull just a little. Nick looked well beyond his fourteen years and the way his shoulders were slumped, it appeared as if he were carrying a great weight on them that he could barely manage.

"Rehearsals are over for today," Kevin announced immediately. It was a rash decision, and he knew the consequences, but for some inane reason, he didn’t care. Lou’s wrath would not deter him from finding out what the hell was going on with Nick.

"You can’t do that," Howie gasped, staring at the door. "Lou will freak!"

As if expecting the short, fat little man to walk into the room at any moment, Brian and AJ also looked in the direction of the door, nodding their heads.

"Seriously," Brian chimed in. He hated seeing Nick so tired and miserable, but it wasn’t fair for them all to suffer Lou’s anger because Nick couldn’t stay awake.

"Then you all stay. He’s too exhausted and I’m taking him up to our room. He’s no use to us if he’s dead. And even then, if he does die Lou’s gonna be pissed because he’ll have to find someone else to replace him. So either way we’re fucked." With that, Kevin exited carrying Nick delicately in his arms.

"Wait," AJ said as he jogged to catch up with Kevin. He placed his hand over Nick’s forehead and smoothed out the lines. The blonde boy shied away from the touch, burrowing his face deeper into Kevin’s chest. Kevin and AJ exchanged a serious look and AJ nodded. "Take care of him. He’s really not a bad kid."

"I know."

Nick slept for nearly four hours, not moving until he woke with a start. His heart was racing and his mind was foggy with sleep. He was still exhausted, but the fear of what he was going to find kept him from falling back to sleep. The last thing he remembered was rehearsing ‘We’ve Got It Goin On’, and now he was in bed, with no idea how he got there. Not to mention, Kevin was sitting in a chair, reading a book not four feet away.

Nick knew he was dead meat.

His whimper of panic caught Kevin’s attention and the moment those green eyes were focused on him, Nick nearly began to cry. "Oh god. . OH GOD OH GOD. I’m sorry. I’m soooo sorry, I tried not to screw up."

Now he was crying.

Kevin was on his bed in an instant, trying to calm him down. "Shhh, it’s okay. Relax Nicky, it’s okay."

Nick was so startled by Kevin’s actions and words that he instantly stopped doing everything, talking, crying, breathing. Kevin didn’t look angry, in fact, he looked almost concerned. Nick figured he was still dreaming and moved out of Kevin’s grip to pinch himself. Kevin recognized the look of terror on Nick’s face and felt a wave of shame cover him. He knew that he had a little to do with Nick’s constant fear and paranoia and finally realized the extent of it and it’s effects on the blonde. With that piece of information, Kevin moved back, giving Nick his personal space. There were so many emotions coursing through his body, the first being regret.

Nick was still trembling violently, waiting for Kevin’s wrath. When nothing was said or done, he cleared his throat. "I’m sorry Kevin. I didn’t meant to fall asleep. I’ll tell Lou.." His voice was soft, he stopped when Kevin shook his head.

Kevin knew he had to approach this delicately. "Nicky, you didn’t just fall asleep. You passed out from exhaustion. You were sitting in a corner, dead to the world. You’ve been sleeping for almost five hours, what’s going on with you?"

"I’ll tell Lou it’s my fault. You guys won’t get in trouble, I promise. And don’t worry, I’ll do better tomorrow."

Kevin had to fight to keep the anger at bay. It wasn’t Nick he was angry at, it was himself. Himself and the other three, but if he showed any signs of anger, he knew Nick would assume it was directed to himself. For that reason he gave a sympathetic smile. "That’s not what I asked..."

Nick wanted nothing more than to confess everything to Kevin, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want the other man to think less of him, or give them all more ammunition against him. Instead of telling Kevin about his problems sleeping, or his homesickness, or his bad dreams he shrugged and turned to his other side, curling up into a small ball. It was as if he was trying to make himself as small as possible, to be left alone and forgotten by everyone around him.

"Nothing is going on with me Kevin. Nothing at all. I’m just tired. I told you I’ll talk to Lou and it won’t happen again."

Kevin didn’t buy it for a second and it angered him that Nick would feel that he couldn’t trust him. Not that he’d given the blonde any reason at all to trust him. He didn’t blame Nick at all for his actions, but it only hit the point harder that they had been wrong in how they’d approached interacting with Nick. Now, Kevin had to find a way to gain Nick’s trust again, this time without abusing it. "You know you can trust me right? That you can tell me anything."

Kevin had to force himself not to be offended by the soft snort of amusement that came from Nick. He had more than deserved that. Reaching out, he placed a hand on Nick’s back. It was meant to be comforting and soothing, but he jerked it back when Nick flinched away from the touch. Nick was still curled up in a ball, his back to him and made no movement to acknowledge Kevin’s words or his attempt at comfort.

"I know it’s hard to believe Nick, but I do care. I just want you to know that I’m here for you." He could say it all he wanted, but Kevin knew that he would have to prove it to Nick. He was surprised at Nick’s next words.

"Why now? What’s different now than yesterday?" Nick hadn’t expected an answer, he gave a shrug. "Don’t worry about me Kevin, I won’t do anything to fuck up the group. I know the consequences if I do."

~*~*~*~

It was later that week at dinner where Fatima provided Kevin with the muchly needed information on Nick’s situation. As Nick had promised, he had been the one to bear the brunt of Lou’s anger and took all responsibility for their missed rehearsal time. Much to Kevin’s dismay, Nick had endured Lou’s threats, accusations and anger without flinching, as if he was used to the treatment. Thinking back to the past few months, Kevin realized that Nick probably was used to the treatment. If it wasn’t Lou yelling at him, it was Kevin, Brian, AJ or Howie. Fatima was probably the only friendly face Nick had on a daily basis, and even she was often yelling at him to keep up and stop screwing around during rehearsals. Also, as Nick promised, the events of that rehearsal hadn’t been repeated. Nick was always on time and most often the last to stop to rest for fear of getting in more trouble. Kevin couldn’t understand what was going on, thankful when Fatima had pulled him aside to talk.

"You really don’t know, do you?" She asked, shocked.

"If I knew, I wouldn’t be so confused."

Fatima rolled her eyes and sighed. "Kevin. He’s homesick. He’s homesick and lonely and so afraid of you guys that it’s consuming him. He has no one here at all, and it’s eating him from the inside out. He eats his meals alone in the corner, when you have down time, you all go off and do your own things and he’s left alone in his hotel room. Pretty much the only time he interacts with anyone is during rehearsals or shows, and even then, most of the time he’s treated like he’s not wanted. You think that this week is new? That he’s suddenly different? He’s been like this all along, since you guys got here, only now it’s getting worse."

"What’s making it worse?"

Fatima couldn’t help but smack the back of Kevin’s head. "Are you serious?" Kevin shrugged embarrassed and she growled. "How long can you live in fear? How many nights can you go without sleep before it starts to catch up with you? He’s fourteen, in a strange country with people he doesn’t really know or feel comfortable with. The people that are supposed to look after him pay him attention only to yell at him or berate him. He’s used to being threatened daily and sometimes the only time he’s spoken to is to snap at how worthless he is."

Kevin felt as though someone had kicked him in the gut. He wanted to cry and when he looked up at Fatima, she nodded. "Fuck."

"You know how bad you feel right now?"

Kevin nodded sickly.

"That’s nothing compared to what he’s been feeling like since he got here."

"How do you know?" Kevin asked softly. He saw the way Fatima’s face softened and she gave a soft smile.

"He talks to me sometimes. He’s a really great kid Kevin, so sweet and kind and innocent. He doesn’t deserve any of this and you don’t know how much I hate you all for tormenting him the way you do." Kevin gasped as he looked into Fatima’s eyes which were kind yet sharp. "I know you don’t realize you’re doing it, which is why I can forgive you, but you really have to do something before you completely break him. Lou isn’t going to change, you know that. But you guys have to protect him from that."

"We’re not his parents," Kevin started to argue. He stopped at the way Fatima’s eyes sharpened.

"I never said he didn’t need saving from them either."

Her words confused him and he shook his head. "Huh?" He hated the serious _expression on Fatima’s face and his stomach churned with a sickness he didn’t even want to think about.

"They’re worse than Lou Kevin and if you’re waiting for them to save him, you’ll lose him completely."

Kevin’s mouth opened, but no words came out. Fatima spoke instead.

"Did you ever hear about HOW Nick got into the group?"

"He and AJ pretty much founded the group. They went to Lou.."

Fatima raised an eyebrow. "Lou still had to ‘accept him’. You know how he has this thing for young, blonde, pretty boys. Despite them going to Lou, he had to ‘prove his self worth’ before he could stay with the group."

Kevin gagged as he covered his mouth with his hand. "He didn’t...?" He gasped. "There’s no way he would ...that they would make him..."

"No, he didn’t. He wouldn’t. His parents ...lets just say weren’t happy. So Jane had to provide alternate insurance that he was worth it to Lou. So now, because she was the one to get him into the group, he owes her. When she said that if he got sent home, he wasn’t welcome back in their house, she wasn’t lying. Either he makes it big here, or he’s all alone. NO family, no support. THAT’S why he’s so afraid of screwing up and being sent home. Because as awful as it is here for him, as much as you all torture him, at least he’s being fed and has a place to sleep at night. If he gets sent home, he’s got nowhere to go."

Kevin wondered how Fatima knew so much. How she knew and had never said anything.

"I’m under contract Kevin. I’m not allowed to even be telling you this much. If he finds out, if any of them find out, I’m fired and ...lets just say financially and professionally ruined."

Kevin felt tears spring to his eyes and he swallowed thickly. He was so confused, so hurt and so tired. It was too much for him to deal with and he felt violently ill. "Why... Why?" He asked softly. "Why are you risking it then?"

"I can’t sit back and watch this anymore. That child is miserable, and he’s slowly dying. My conscience is too heavy. He deserves for you to know. He needs you Kevin, he needs all of you. And at least if I tell you in private I know you all can do something about it."

Kevin could only nod miserably. He had known the situation was serious, but not aware of how much so. And now that he was completely filled in, he had a duty to inform the others. It was only fair that they be fully aware of what was going on.

"Now, you can’t tell anyone that you know this or who told you," Kevin warned his band mates gravely. Fatima had kidnapped Nick for the afternoon, taking him out shopping with her. The expression of surprise and gratitude on his face as he’d accepted her invitation had nearly brought tears to Kevin’s eyes. Many times she had also invited Kevin out for an afternoon of shopping and he’d never really put that much thought into it, but with Nick being so starved for attention Kevin knew it was a huge deal.

"You look so serious Kevin, what’s wrong? You finally off Nicky and need help stashing the body?" Howie’s comment had been meant to be a joke, as they were always teasing about how long it would take for Kevin to snap, but suddenly the joke didn’t seem as funny to Kevin. His eyes narrowed and he audibly growled.

"That’s not funny. That’s not even a little bit funny."

Brian, Howie and AJ wiped the smiles off of their faces and stifled their snickers, surprised at Kevin’s outburst.

"Calm down dude, he’s joking," AJ said. Kevin only shook his head.

"I know, but it’s not funny." Kevin sighed and rubbed his face with his hands in exhaustion. Since speaking with Fatima, he hadn’t been able to sleep much, his mind constantly worrying about Nick and wishing he would open up to him about what was going on. Nick’s condition wasn’t getting any better, but Kevin was relieved to find out that it wasn’t getting worse. He noticed that on nights where Nick would have time alone before falling asleep, he slept better and Kevin couldn’t lie and say he hadn’t heard Nick crying himself to sleep a few times, something that he would have tormented him about a month ago, but purposefully ignored now. "I’m sorry...."

"What’s going on cuz?" Brian asked, genuinely concerned. He had noticed Kevin’s irritable state lately, and surprisingly, wasn’t directed towards Nick like it usually was. Nick was quite possibly the only one Kevin hadn’t been snapping at lately, which was completely opposite to what was normal for them.

Kevin took a few deep breaths before talking. "You don’t realize how serious what I’m about to tell you is. And you can’t tell anyone, especially Nick or Lou that I’m telling you or where I heard it from. There are people, especially Nick, Fatima and I, who can potentially lose everything if the wrong person knows we know."

"You’re kind of freaking me out," AJ admitted as goose bumps appeared on his skin. Kevin had the uncanny ability to be too serious sometimes, but he’d never been one to exaggerate.

It was then, with hushed tones and quiet whispers that Kevin told AJ, Howie and Brian everything that Fatima had told them. The colour slowly drained from their faces, replacing their coy smirks with expressions of utter disbelief. By the time Kevin was done, none of them could look each other in the eye. Had Nick gone to them with any of this, they knew that they would have laughed in his face and told him to toughen up, but the fact that it had taken Fatima bringing it to Kevin’s attention, and then Kevin to theirs, made them sit up and realize what life must have been like for Nick the past ten months.

No one knew what to say and Kevin shrugged as he stood up to extract something from inside of his suitcase. Hidden in a secret compartment was a manilla file folder which he opened to reveal a few dozen pictures, all taken the last week they were in the States. In an effort to bond, Kevin’s mother had brought them all to their cabin in the woods and had been given disposable cameras and three days to ‘get to know each other’ since they’d be spending a lot of time together.

"I forgot mom put these in my suitcase and I found them a week and a half ago." Kevin held the pictures out to show the others. Individually, the three boys leafed through the pictures, remembering that weekend fondly. It was when they were all still getting comfortable with each other and all slightly nervous.

Brian felt his stomach flip a few times and his eyes prick with unshed tears. Visions of how hyper and outgoing Nick was assaulted his mind, quickly replaced with the Nick he was now used to seeing, at least off stage. When they were performing, Nick always gave one hundred and ten percent, doing everything he could to get the crowd riled up and excited, but off stage, he’d become a completely different person. It made him sick to think of how much Nick had changed in such a short period of time, and how they had been a main factor in the loss of Nick’s innocence.

"I haven’t seen him look happy in..." Howie whispered. He closed his eyes and passed the pictures back to Kevin.

"How did this happen?" Brian asked.

"It doesn’t matter how it happened," Kevin said. "What matters now is that we know and what we’re going to do to change it."

The sound of a chair scraping on the floor caused for their attention to focus on AJ who had stood up and was walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Kevin asked, slightly alarmed. He prayed to God that AJ wouldn’t ignore his warnings not to tell anyone and go straight to his mother.

"I need to be alone," AJ said softly without turning around.

"You’re not going to say anything..."

"Don’t worry Kevin. I heard what you said would happen if Lou found out Fatima told us. I won’t tell anyone, but I can’t be here right now listening to this." All AJ could think about were the countless times Nick had gone to him to talk, and how AJ wasn’t interested in listening. Nick had admitted to him a few times when they’d still been in Florida, and then when they had first arrived in Europe how scared he was of screwing up because his mother had told him he couldn’t go back home. He had also asked AJ if he had been asked to have ‘private’ meetings with Lou to go over ‘group’ stuff, but AJ had been too happy to have the contract finally that he refused to think that Lou’s intentions were anything but noble. Now, ten months later he learned that Nick’s claims had been true and they had all been too wrapped up in themselves to notice Nick’s personal hell. It was too much for him to comprehend.

"We can’t tell Nick we know." Kevin said before AJ disappeared through the door. As he’d expected, AJ stopped walking.

"Why?"

It was Howie that responded. "He won’t trust us. He’ll be suspicious and wary, and we might lose him even more. We have to pretend we don’t know, act like normal."

AJ spun around, eyes narrow. "Normal? Like how we’ve been treating him?"

"No, normal. Like how we haven’t," Kevin supplied.

"He’s going to be suspicious of that too," Brian interjected.

"I don’t care. We can’t let him know we know, he’ll be destroyed."

"I think we’re too fucking late for that," AJ growled in frustration.

Kevin stood up and crossed the room. He put an arm around AJ’s shoulders and held him close, needing to comfort the younger man. Now, more than ever, they needed each other. They had to be strong for each other, but they had to be strong for Nick who needed it most. "So now we fix things. Now we make up for the past ten months and show him that we love him. That he’s worth taking care of."

"The worst part of it," Howie said sadly. "He hasn’t done anything to warrant this. He’s one of the hardest working kids I’ve ever met, so eager to just be doing something. He’s not insolent, not lazy and not a bad kid."

"That’s what made it easier," Brian admitted. "If he was a bad kid, he wouldn’t have cared so much, but because he is, it was easy to break him. He just wants to be liked and accepted."

They talked for another hour until finally agreeing that from that point on, everything was going to change. Rules were set up, guidelines to follow. Nick was never to be alone with Lou. Ever. Under no circumstances. That was the most important rule. Second, Kevin was going to have to hold his temper. Not that he hadn’t made impressive amounts of improvement, but he was going to have to continue with it. And most of all, they were going to start looking out for Nick. Noticing when he needed to rest, when he needed to be alone and when he needed people to be with him.

Kevin vowed to start that night and when they all went their own way before dinner, he had a plan devised in his mind.

There was activity going on in his and Nick’s room when Kevin arrived. Fatima and Nick had returned, as when Kevin opened the door, he found Nick sitting comfortably on his own bed, watching television. The sound of the door opening caught Nick’s attention and he turned to look at the door, stiffening at the sight of Kevin standing in front of him.

"Hey," Kevin said warmly, smiling at the blonde. Nick simply stared at him in surprise. When no response was forthcoming, Kevin chuckled. "Have a good day shopping?"

"Y..yeah. We d..did."

"Get anything?"

Nick shook his head and looked down. "Nah. No money." He went back to watching the TV, not expecting Kevin to continue their conversation. He was startled when Kevin spoke again. "Pardon?" Nick asked. He’d been so surprised, he hadn’t heard what Kevin had said.

"I asked where you went."

Nick wracked his brain, trying to remember if he’d done something wrong, or had forgotten to do something that Kevin had asked him to do. When he came up with nothing, he felt anxiety creeping up into his stomach and through to his chest. "Is ...is something wrong? Is that why you’re being so nice to me?" His imagination began to run away with him and Nick couldn’t help but think that something had happened, something bad and Kevin was stalling before he had to break the bad news to him. He watched as Kevin’s face fell and a slight blush covered his features.

"No Nicky, I’m ...just trying to make small talk. Open up the lines of communication."

Nick looked away, focusing on something across the room. "Why?"

Kevin shrugged. "Why not?" He wasn’t sure he wanted Nick’s answer to that, thankfully the blonde only wrinkled his nose and gave a shrug of his own.

"We went to a few book stores, checked out some clothes. Fatima’s awesome. She bought me an ice cream. It was really fun." Nick’s voice softened and his lips curled into a smile as he thought about the day he’d spent with their choreographer. She was the one person that could always make even the worst days brighter and had been his only solace since they’d left American soil.

"I’m glad," Kevin admitted. "It’s good to see you smiling, it’s been a while." He hadn’t expected Nick’s face to cloud over and his eyes to narrow.

"Yeah, well most days there’s nothing to smile about."

Kevin relaxed on his bed, rethinking his plan for that night. He could just as well move the events to the next night, as it wasn’t set in stone. Nick already had such a good day, it made sense to save more fun for the next. After Nick’s last comment, Kevin was taking it upon himself to give Nick something to smile about every day.

~*~*~*~

The showcase had gone off without a hitch. Everyone hit all of their marks, no one’s voice cracked or faded, and the technical aspect was perfect. Lou shouldn’t have had anything to be upset about, but he still found a way to remind them of how hard they had to work and that if they didn’t, their little group would go nowhere. Despite how high they’d been, coming off the audience at the show and the adrenaline pumping through their veins, ten minutes in the dressing room with Lou was enough to dampen their spirits.

AJ, Brian and Howie were planning on going to a club. Nick assumed that Kevin would be going with them and thus had taken the last car back to the hotel by himself. They wouldn’t necessarily care whether or not he arrived and time surely wasn’t a concern either. When he swiped his door key and entered the room, Nick was surprised to find Kevin emerging from the bathroom wearing his pajama bottoms and a ratty old tee shirt. There were two food services carts sitting next to the couch and Kevin had the TV set up for a pay per view movie. He felt his heart race and then drop at the realization that Kevin was having guests. For some reason, this was worse than had Kevin gone with the others and he’d been left behind without a second thought. At least that, he was used to, and then he would be able to hang out in the room, now he had to find something else to do and somewhere to do it.

"What took you so long?" Kevin asked with a smile on his face. Usually Nick was the first one back to the hotel and he had initially figured that the blonde had probably gotten caught up with some of the girls that had been waiting at the back door of the venue.

Nick blushed. "Sorry. I was just taking my time and didn't realize how late I was. By the time I came out, everyone was already gone." He jumped at the growl that resulted.

Kevin had been furious to find out that no one had made sure Nick was with them. It was assumed that he’d already left or was in the van, and when they’d all gotten back and admitted that no one had checked, Kevin had screamed loud enough to cause a scene in the lobby. The few girls that had been hanging around, waiting for them, had witnessed the whole scene causing Brian, AJ and Howie to get pissed off for having been scolded in front of them.

"I’m sorry Kev... Usually Brian makes sure... Preoccupied because they’re going to a club..."

"No, I’m not mad at you," Kevin said quickly. He had to make sure Nick knew it wasn’t about him, but about their failure to take care of him.

"Okay. Well I’ll just get my stuff and go. I’ll be out of your hair in no time." As Nick passed by the carts of food, he saw that there were three different kinds of ice cream, tons of toppings for sundaes and glasses of milk. He felt his mouth water and jealousy creeped into his veins at the lucky person who got to share this treat with Kevin. Instead, he went to his bag and extracted a comic book and his notebook.

"Where are you going?" Kevin asked, stunned. He’d surprised Nick with sundaes and movies and couldn’t imagine why the blonde would be leaving. Nick was almost at the door when he turned around to look at Kevin, question in his eyes.

"You’re having company, I’ll just go and wait until..."

"Company?" Kevin shook his head. "I’m not having company, and if I was, I wouldn’t be serving them ice cream and milk."

"Then what’s all this for?" Nick turned his back to the door and walked hesitantly towards the food service carts, eyeing the ice cream. A loud growl echoed in the room and Nick blushed as he covered his stomach with his hand.

"It’s for us," Kevin said as he led Nick back into the room. "I thought we’d have a night for the two of us. What were you going to do tonight?"

Nick shrugged. "I don’t know, prolly just read some comics, watch some TV..." He had no idea why Kevin was so interested in what he would be doing that night. He’d never shown that much interest before.

"By yourself?" Kevin noticed how Nick looked at him like he was crazy.

"Uh, yeah. Who else would I do it with? It’s what I do every night. Sometimes Fatima comes by to talk to me for a bit, but usually I just hang out and read my comics or write in my notebook. If there’s a good movie on, I sometimes watch that, but I usually don’t know what they’re saying unless I’ve seen it before."

Kevin felt as if he had been kicked in the gut at how lost and alone Nick sounded. The blonde had a brave face on, but Kevin hadn’t missed how his eyes kept darting towards the ice cream and then back again towards the door as if he was about to get kicked out any minute.

"Well, you’re not doing that tonight. We’re going to make super sundaes, and we’re going to watch movies and stay up all night."

Nick scrunched his nose in the air. He couldn’t help but ask the question that was foremost on his mind. "Why are you doing this? Why are you being so nice to me?"

Kevin dropped his arms to his sides heavily and sighed. "Lets make sundaes and we can talk about it, okay? The ice cream is melting."

Nick didn’t have to be asked twice. Instantly, his notebook and comic were flung on his bed and he rushed across the room to where Kevin was holding out a bowl for him to take. He graciously accepted two scoops of mint chocolate chip and one scoop of chocolate before smothering it in hot fudge and topping it off with sprinkles, whipped cream and cherries. Rather than take the ice cream to his bed and sit down with it, he opted to sit at the small makeshift table in the corner of the room where he could put the bowl down on a hard surface.


"Why are you sitting over there?" Kevin asked as he made himself comfortable on his bed. He assumed that Nick would do the same, curling up in bed to have his snack.

"I don’t want to make a mess," Nick blushed as he spoke. "I’m kinda clutzy, and I'll probably spill it all over the sheets." Just as Nick had brought a big spoonful to his mouth, a glob of fudge dropped from his spoon onto the table with a light smack. Nick blushed even further and shrugged sheepishly with his mouth full of sundae. "See!"

There was a happy, glow that emanated from Nick, and Kevin couldn’t help but watch the blonde in awe. It was amazing how something as simple as ice cream sundaes could brighten Nick up, but Kevin knew that it was worth more than the amount of money he promised to Carlos, who had been the one to get them the treats. When they’d both finished their first sundaes and were making their seconds, that Kevin finally answered Nick’s question.

"You wanted to know why I was being so nice to you?"

Nick couldn’t meet Kevin’s eyes so he focused his attention on the TV, where they were watching The Goonies playing in poorly dubbed German. He gave a slight nod to let Kevin know he was listening.

"I’m being so nice to you because I want to. Because..." Kevin fought to find the right words. He didn’t want to get Nick upset, especially when they were having a really great night. The one thing Kevin had learned that night was when he let himself fully enjoy Nick’s company, Nick wasn’t that bad. He was pretty fidgety and hyper, but he was still really young and hadn’t fully grown into himself yet. And for being so young, Nick was actually a pretty cool kid. He was smarter than Kevin ever gave him credit for and was easy going. "I’ve just noticed how cool you are since we started rooming together and I thought it would be good for us to spend some time together to get to know each other."

"But ...you hate me. Why do you want to spend time with me?"

Kevin cocked his head to the side. "You think I hate you? What makes you think I HATE you?"

Nick’s jaw dropped open, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. "You telling me every single day for the past ten months maybe?" Nick watched Kevin’s features turn red and he felt the sundae in his stomach churn. He’d never seen Kevin get embarrassed or flustered, and he was definitely that. "I mean..." He liked seeing Kevin uncomfortable, but was hoping it wouldn’t end up with an argument and Kevin getting angry with him. Especially since things had been going so well all night.

"No, you’re right. And I’m sorry," Kevin apologized. He ignored the stunned _expression on Nick’s face, the blonde had every right to be surprised at Kevin’s admission since he’d never once witnessed Kevin apologize for anything. "I’ve treated you very unfairly since we came over here and rooming with you has shown me the error of my ways. I wanted to have this night, tonight, to try to start making it up to you."

There was a silence in the room which neither knew how to interpret. Nick was waiting for the joke to be revealed while Kevin’s pulse was racing wildly. Finally, the younger of the two spoke.

"Are you joking with me?" Nick’s voice was soft, vulnerable.

"Not at all. You’ve gone from the oldest to the youngest and I know it was a big change, but you have to know, I’ve gone from being the youngest to the oldest and I didn’t know how to handle it either. I’ve grown up with people older than me my whole life and I probably should have handled things better, but I’m still learning. I expect you to be older and more mature, but it’s not fair to you because you’re just being who you are."

"So... You don’t hate me?"

Kevin shook his head. "No. I don’t." He held his breath, waiting for Nick’s reaction and was startled when he heard the blonde exhale in relief. A giant grin spread over Nick’s face.

"Awesome."

When Nick was finally done with his ice cream, he crawled into his bed and wrapped the covers around his body protectively. He had his stuffed bear hidden in his blankets, hoping that Kevin hadn’t seen him grab it. They had talked about random topics, getting to know each other, but it wasn’t until they’d both crawled into their respective beds that Kevin wanted to bring up the most important issue of the night.

"Nicky?"

"Hmmm."

"At night? When you’re scared or alone?" He heard Nick gasp and saw the blonde go completely still.

"I... I ... D..don’t know what you’re talking ab..about." Nick whispered. Kevin crawled out of his bed and sat on the edge of Nick’s.

"It’s okay Nick, you don’t have to be embarrassed. I hear you on the bus some nights and I’ve heard you sometimes when we’re in hotels. I just want you to know, that when you’re scared or alone at night, you can come to me."

Nick paused for a moment, opened his mouth and then closed it again. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the way his cheeks were burning in embarrassment. He didn’t know what to say, and so for that reason, he kept quiet.

"You don’t have to be embarrassed. I know," Kevin took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, hoping that the words would come easy to him. "I know that we’ve been unfair. We tease you for being so young..."

"I’m a baby.."

"What?" Kevin asked. He was unable to hear Nick’s words due to the fact that the blonde had pulled the blankets over his face, concealing his embarrassment.

"You all called me a baby, told me to grow up and leave you alone. I’m not a Backstreet Boy, I’m the Backstreet Baby."

The bed was shaking from the force of Nick’s body trembling and Kevin felt more ashamed than he had previously. Without thinking about it’s consequences, he stretched out beside Nick on top of the sheets. "I know, and I’m sorry. We’re all sorry. It was the wrong way to handle things, and we realize that now. I realize it and just want to start making it up to you."

"Why? I’m not screwing up anything right? Everything is okay?"

"No, everything is not okay," Kevin tried to explain. He felt Nick’s body freeze and bit his tongue. Nick’s strangled yelp cut to his heart. "It’s not okay because you feel you can’t trust us. We’ve given you no reason at all to trust us and that’s not right. When Brian’s upset about something, he comes to me and we discuss it."

"Brian is never afraid," Nick said softly. He pulled the sheet from over his head and sighed.

"Yes he is." Kevin nodded when Nick’s eyes opened wide. "Sometimes he gets scared of the smallest things. He misses home, just like I know you do. Or he can’t pick up a dance as fast as everyone else, and he’s worried about making a mistake."

"What..."

"And Howie and AJ too," Kevin continued. He could see Nick’s resolve breaking and he prayed that he was getting through to the blonde. They had a lot of ground to make up in getting Nick to trust them, but Kevin was confident that they would. "Sometimes we might seem like we don’t care, but...."

"No one listens to me when I tell them anything." There was a haunting, empty look in Nick’s eyes that made Kevin’s skin crawl and his blood boil. "Everyone thinks that because I’m a kid, I don’t understand anything. But I do..."

"I know Nicky, God, you have no idea how sorry I am."

Nick had never seen Kevin look so emotional and felt his whole body stiffen. A look passed between them and Nick knew that Kevin was apologizing for more than just calling him a baby when he cried. He was apologizing for things he shouldn’t know about, things that Nick hadn’t told anyone, and knew might never be able to tell. Things that made him curl up in the shower and cry, not for what had happened but for what might have had he not been able to run out of the room and hide before he’d been caught. In effect, Nick had a sinking feeling that Kevin knew all of his secrets.

"You know."


Nick’s voice was flat, his eyes accusing. Kevin wondered if he should lie, but ultimately knew he couldn’t. He nodded. "I know things I shouldn’t."

"You don’t know the whole story." Nick wasn’t asking. There was no way he could know everything, Nick didn’t even know everything and he’d heard more than he was supposed to on many occasion.

"I imagine I don’t."

"And you don’t hate me?"

Kevin was confused, he couldn’t imagine hating Nick for something he had no control over. "I hate them. I hate us, but I don’t hate you."

"You’re being nice to me out of guilt," Nick said sadly. He turned his back to Kevin and curled up on his side. Kevin rolling closer and pulling Nick against his body had not been what he was expecting the older man to do.

"I’m being nice to you because it’s about time I am. Plans were set into motion long before I found out what was going on. I just ...can’t believe how blind we’ve been. How ignorant I’ve been." His fingers slid smoothly through Nick’s hair in a move that was meant to be calming. Kevin was surprised when instead of pulling away, Nick leaned further into the touch. "You’re such an important part of this group Nick, and I know we haven’t shown you, but we do care about you. We thought that you were okay with everything, and that’s why you hadn’t said anything.."

"You guys have been so mean," Nick said sniffling softly. He couldn’t even begin to count the nights that he’d wished he had a friendly face to turn to, forced only to deal with the four men who made his life a living hell daily. "I’m all alone and no one cares..."

Kevin took a deep breath and pressed his lips to the back of Nick’s neck. "You’re not alone Nicky, you’re never alone. Not when we’re here."

Both teens startled apart at the sound of someone knocking on the door. Nick discreetly wiped the tears from his eyes and pulled his stuffed animal closer, while Kevin growled and made his way to the door. He was surprised to see Brian, Howie and AJ on the other side of the door.

"What?"

"We should be here with you," Brian explained as he pushed Kevin out of the way and walked into the room. The first thing he noticed was Nick curled up in a ball, discreetly crying and he glared at his cousin. "Instead of going to a club, we’ve been in Howie’s room discussing our plan of action and it doesn’t include pretending we’re oblivious to what’s going on."

"You made him cry? Good Lord Kevin!"

"What the fuck did you do to him?" AJ asked with the roll of his eyes. He popped a maraschino cherry into his mouth and sat down on Kevin’s bed.

"I didn’t do anything, we’re talking."

"About what?" Howie asked softly.

"About what assholes we’ve been since we got here. About how Nick cries himself to sleep every fucking night because he’s too god damned afraid to tell us he’s scared and feeling alone."

Brian looked over at Nick who had effectively stopped crying and was watching Kevin with wide, tear filled eyes. Nick looked at him and blushed as he averted his eyes. "Is that true?"

Nick only nodded miserably, feeling more embarrassed than he had only minutes ago. "Yes."

"Well it ends tonight," Brian promised. He crawled up the bed.

"What?" Nick’s voice was a whisper and he felt his stomach doing nervous flips. He couldn’t even begin to wonder what Brian meant by that. He hoped it didn’t mean he was leaving, that thought paralyzed him with fear.

"If you’re feeling alone or depressed, you’ll come to one of us and we’ll help you take your mind off it. If there’s something you need, we’ll try and get it done for you."

"Why?" Nick looked from Brian to AJ who was nodding. His head was spinning and the fear still lingered. "Why are you doing this?"

"You’re our little brother, and if we don’t take care of you, then who will? I mean, they take care of me, I take care of them... Right?"

"Right," Howie agreed. "No one messes with you, especially us. We realized that how we’ve been treating you is wrong. Rather than working with you, we’ve been working against you and somewhere in my mind, I thought we were maybe toughening you up. But it seems we’ve done more harm than good because you’re more withdrawn and isolated than you were when we started together."

"And we want that other Nicky back. The Nicky that wasn’t afraid of anything, that didn’t care what anyone said as long as he got to sing and dance. The Nicky who didn’t look miserable all the time and was one of the most fun people I knew," Brian said encouragingly. He made room for Kevin to resume his place on Nick’s other side as Howie stretched out across the foot of the bed.

AJ made no move to join them on Nick’s bed. Instead, he barely allowed himself to look Nick in the eye. "I’m ...sorry."

"About?" Nick asked. He felt as if a giant weight had been lifted and that things were finally looking up. There was something about AJ’s demeanor that made him nervous though.

"Not believing you, when you’d come and..."

Nick stiffened. He knew AJ was talking about Lou and his private ‘meetings’. He felt a surge of anger fill him before it dissipated. All this time he had thought that AJ had been ignoring him out of spite, but looking at how devastated he looked, Nick knew it was something different. It wasn’t as if AJ were doing it to intentionally hurt him, it was something else. AJ had his own things to deal with and adding one more person’s problems on to that didn’t fit. Nick had to fight to remember that AJ was only two years older than him, and maybe Nick should have gone to someone else, an adult. "It’s okay."

"No, it’s not." AJ argued adamantly "I shouldn’t have ignored you..."

"None of us should have," Kevin said firmly. "It’s not your fault."

"I’m sorry I’m such a pain," Nick said miserably. He felt as if everything was his fault and that they would resent him even more in the light of day. "If it weren’t for me..."

"If it weren’t for you," Howie said seriously, "we wouldn’t be here right now. This group wouldn’t have worked without you, hell, we probably wouldn’t have even gotten the chance to be here. So we have to remind ourselves that it’s you that has gotten us here. We all have. It’s an equal partnership Nicky. We haven’t shown it much, but you’re an integral part of this group. We need you and it’s time we started admitting it."

Nick took a few cleansing breaths, allowing himself to relax slightly. He looked deep into the eyes of his band mates, his ‘brothers’ and smiled at the genuine concern and care he found in their depths.

"Now don’t get me wrong," Kevin said teasingly, "you can still be an annoying shit, and I’m not saying I’m going to put up with it all the time, but I’m going to try to be a little more understanding."

Nick grinned and hugged Kevin tightly. "Thanks."

"And I was wondering..." Brian said with a grin. He ruffled Nick’s hair lightly and waited until the blonde met his eyes. "When we might be able to start rooming together again, I miss you. I didn’t think I would as much as I do."

Nick looked over at Kevin whose expression was unreadable. On one hand, he wouldn’t mind rooming with Brian again, now that everything seemed to be out in the open and they were on the road to rebuilding their friendships and gaining his trust, but at the same time, had enjoyed his time with Kevin. There was a slight hero worship with Nick and he loved being that close to Kevin, watching and studying him. Never would he have thought that he would want to share a room with the older man, especially since Kevin had been the bane of Nick’s existence since they first met, despite Nick’s constant desire to make Kevin like him. Nick was more confused than he ever had been in his life.

At the same time, Kevin was battling his own conscience. He wouldn’t have minded getting his own room again, but at the same time, this had given him a chance to be with Nick and be able to watch him closer. He felt mostly responsible for Nick’s current condition and wanted to keep him at arm’s length to protect him, to make sure that no one could ever hurt him again. In the end though, he knew that he couldn’t refuse, "we can make the switch when ever everyone wants."

"I don’t know," Howie said with a grin. "I’m really enjoying having my own room every night."

"Oh god, then that means I have to room with Kevin," AJ pouted. "He’s going to be all up in my shit all the time..."

Nick watched silently as the others all went around the circle, teasing and making fun of each other. It wasn’t cruel or done viciously, but in good natured fun. A smile graced his lips as Kevin insulted AJ’s grooming practices and exclaimed how grateful he was that he wouldn’t have to share a room with him. Nick jumped slightly when he felt fingers dance up and down his arm. He turned his head to the side to see that they were Brian’s fingers and he was gently stroking Nick’s arm as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Looking at Howie, Nick could see that he had his head resting on Brian’s legs, his legs tangled with Kevin’s at the other end of the bed. All four of them on Nick’s bed were in some way physically connected. Nick wasn’t sure how it started, but for the most part, they were touching each other, even if not just something insignificant. It felt oddly comforting to be included in this bonding moment and Nick felt his stomach fluttering nervously.

They talked about everything and anything, Nick staying silent for the most part. Although the others had insisted that things were going to change, he still felt a little uneasy around them. It would take a bit of time for him to feel one hundred percent comfortable around the guys, but for the first time since they’d arrived in Europe, he didn’t feel at all afraid.

It was well into the early morning before the guys all left to go to their own room. Nick had long since fallen asleep while the others stayed up, continuing their conversation. It was as Brian climbed off of the bed, trying to successfully transfer Nick who had fallen asleep on him to the pillow that he woke.

"Whass goin’ on?" Nick asked sleepily.

Brian smiled down at the blonde and stroked the hair from his forehead. "Going back to my room. If Lou finds out we all slept in here, he’ll say that the extra rooms aren’t necessary and make us always share a room."

They all kept silent about how much they hated the fat troll who had complete control of their lives. Nick only frowned as he nodded. "Okay."

Brian leaned down and pressed his lips to Nick’s forehead. It was a relief to see the worry lines that had been permanently etched on Nick’s forehead gone. For the first time in months, Nick looked relaxed and worry free. "Good night Nicky, see you tomorrow."

Nick nodded and his eyes were closed before he could return the sentiments. His soft snores echoed in the room while Kevin roused AJ who was snuggled comfortably on the other bed.

"I think that went well," Howie nodded in Nick’s direction. He gave a jaw splitting yawn, they were all going to pay for the late night tomorrow. As tired as they were going to be and as rough as it would be on them, their work that night was more important. None of them had wanted to leave as they were comforted by the way Nick slept soundlessly and what looked like peacefully.

Brian nodded with a smile. "Definitely. It took seeing him smiling to realize how rare it is, and I would rather us suffer a sleepless night if it means he doesn’t have to face one."

"Well, you guys had better get to your rooms. If Lou catches you out..."

"Fuck Lou," AJ growled, still half asleep. "Lou can kiss my ass." Without another word, AJ exited the room and headed down the hall to his and Brian’s room. The remaining three exchanged knowing glances. Brian sighed as he gave a brief nod.

"I’ll go and talk to him."

Kevin shook his head. "No, wait until tomorrow. If you try to talk to him now, while he’s half asleep he’ll just get more pissed off. Let him sleep it off." He gave his cousin a half hug, followed by Howie. "See you two tomorrow."

The two men nodded before taking one last look at Nick who was curled up in a ball, a small smile playing on his lips. "Later," Howie whispered. Moments later, Kevin closed the door, locking the dead bolt. He yawned before rubbing his eyes which were sore from exhaustion. With one glance at his watch, he saw that they only had a few hours before they were going to have to get back up again.

"Kevin?" Kevin heard his name whispered in the quiet room just as he was slipping between his sheets. He looked over at Nick whose eyes were just slightly opened.

"Yeah Nick?"

Kevin waited a few seconds for the blonde to respond. When none came, he exhaled the breath he had been holding and made himself comfortable in his bed. It was as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to finally relax that Nick spoke.

"Thanks."

Kevin sat up and looked at Nick who looked as though he was still sleeping. His chest was rising and falling in a regular breathing pattern and his eyes were shut. Pink lips were parted just slightly and he was clutching onto what looked like a lump of blankets, but Kevin knew was a small stuffed bear that he kept hidden. A smile played on Kevin’s lips and he slipped out from under his sheets and crossed the small space to the other bed where Nick was resting. He sat down and stroked Nick’s scalp tenderly.

"Any time Nicky," Kevin spoke softly. He leaned down to press a feather light kiss to Nick’s forehead, surprised when he found himself slipping between the sheets behind Nick. He was more surprised when unconsciously, in his sleep, Nick turned around and curled himself against Kevin’s chest.

It was in that position, arms wrapped around Nick, Nick’s face pressed tightly into his tee shirt covered chest that Kevin fell asleep. It would take time for them to create the cohesive unit that they knew would be imperative to survive the roller coaster ride they’d embarked on so many months ago, but for the first time since they arrived in Europe, Kevin truly believed they would make it.

Finis


back