< Chapter 21

Chapter 22

To: Kevin-School <kevin.richardson@ucla.com>
From: Queen Gretchen <retchingretchin@hotmail.com>
Subject: When Exactly Did You Lose Your Balls?
Date: September 20 2005 9:45pm

You are a piece of work. Really! I had to read your e-mail five times to make sure that I wasn’t hallucinating. Lindy says that when I’m on trial for attempted murder, she’ll defend you to help put me away. I’m that mad. And yes, the attempted murder will be yours! I’ll have already had to defend Nick by this point because I’m sure he’ll be first in line.

You know I’m kidding, I’d never try to kill you, but seriously Kevin. Get your head out of your ass and realize what you’re saying to me. How can you have been there for almost three weeks and still not have told your new friends about yourself?!?! And I mean the *real* you! I know that sexual orientation shouldn’t really matter, but it does. It does because you’re lying to them. Every time you say "she", "her" or "girlfriend" when you are referring to NICKOLAS (who, last time I checked was still a BOY). It’s not that big of a deal. And if it is, screw them. Screw them all because if they’re going to let that, the fact that you love freely and without perfect little categories, get in the way of seeing how wonderful and amazing you are, then you don’t need them.

Don’t give me that look. If you didn’t want me to give my opinion on this, then you shouldn’t have told me about it. You knew that I was going to respond, and you knew what was coming, so it’s your own fault.

Seriously though Kev, you’re really starting to worry me. I know that you keep saying how worried you are about me, and that you hope I’m transitioning okay from Lincoln to New York, but I’m fine. I’ve come to some very startling realizations since I’ve been here, all which I had told you on the phone the other night. It’s like ...I’ve found myself, which scares the crap out of me, but at the same time is so enlightening. I know, I know ...blah blah blah ....whatever. But in Middletown, you didn’t give a shit about what people said about you. We both know that people were talking about you and Nick long before there was anything to *really* talk about. You spent too many parties outside with him where people could see you. People saw you on Valentine’s Day. People talk just to hear themselves talk, not knowing whether or not it’s truth. In your case, it was.

But it didn’t even register to you. You didn’t care. Was it because you had Joe, Chris and Brian? Because you were the big fish at Lincoln High and you knew that you were untouchable? I think that might have been part of it, but not the whole story. I think that you ... I think that you just didn’t give a shit about what people thought about you. So my question is ...what’s changed? Why do you care now and not then? And what is different about these people that you don’t think they’ll understand who you are? You’ve spoken about the instant connections you’ve had with Drew and Jordana ...and pretty much everyone else. But what you don’t realize is that on some level, they have to know. Not that they’re aware of it, but it’s who you are, and in liking you, they like all of you, even the bisexual parts.

I just don’t think you’re giving them enough credit. They won’t turn from you, and if they do, who the fuck cares?

That’s just my two cents. And you better take them now while they’re still free. When I graduate and pass the BAR and am a real lawyer, I’ll be charging you a few hundred dollars an hour for this advice.

With the bitch out over, it was great to hear from you Kev. I miss our talks. I also miss when we’d go to that park by the water and just sit on the swings and talk about everything. We were never afraid to be honest with each other, you’re one of the only people I can honestly say that about.


Oh crap. Lindy’s back from the library, I promised her I’d go with her to Morgan’s residence to drop off those notes when she was done. Shit, I’m in my pjs, so I’m going to have to change. I’ll talk to you soon Kev. Take care and listen to what I’ve said to you. It’s good advice.

Love,

Gretch.

PS. I won’t be able to make it down for your birthday. Expect something in the mail from me ;) Love you.

~*~*~*~*~

To: Brian <brok_brian@hotmail.com>
From: Jordana Kingsley <jordana.kingsley@ucla.com>
Subject: RE: Tag, You’re It
Date: September 22 2005, 1:02pm

Hey stranger,

Got your e-mail and rather than pay attention to this boring lecture, I thought I would e-mail you back. Don’t worry though, everyone else has their laptops on and are typing down notes of what the prof is saying, so no one will even notice that I’m on my computer and typing away. Not that I would care anyways, damn, I need SOMETHING to keep me awake.

I miss the days of high school basketball. Not that UCLA ball is horrible or anything, I love playing for the team here, it’s such a different level of game. But that is part of it. In high school, it’s not as ...intense as it is here. You can play and if you have a bad game, it’s not the end of the world. Here, you screw up and you’re benched until someone else screws up bigger and you get back in. It’s all about money and status here, which is a lot of pressure. You’ll have to tell me how try outs go. And I agree, some weekend that you guys are playing on a Friday night, I’ll have to bug Kevin to bring me home with him so I can come see you guys play.

As for the play offs, if you make it, I’ll definitely be coming to see you. The same has to go for you though. If we make it, you so have to come see us win. We do have games on weekends though, so some weekend you should come back up to visit. You can come to a game, see how college basketball is It is girls of course, but I doubt you’ll have a problem with watching ten girls run around on the court.

You don’t have to worry about calling late you know. In your e-mail, you said you were up at 1 in the morning doing a paper and thought about calling me. We’re usually up that late anyways, and if we aren’t, I sleep with the phone next to my bed so I’ll still answer it. But whatever, you have my number, feel free to call if you want to talk.

And another thing, I know you love ...your girlfriend. You don’t have to keep reminding me of that fact. I’m all too aware how much you love her, okay? And I wasn’t trying to throw her in your face, but I just don’t understand why you got so mad when I told you that the guy from my workshop asked me out. Why wouldn’t he ask me out? And why the hell wouldn’t I say yes? It was just for a drink after work. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong. I don’t have a boyfriend. And you got all angry at me, what else was I supposed to say?

God you infuriate me so much sometimes Brian.

Hold on, the professor is talking about our midterm papers that are due next month.

Okay, I’m back. Nothing big, nothing I didn’t already know.

So yeah, that’s all I have to say about that. You can’t be mad at me for going out for a drink with him, and before you try to tell me that you weren’t mad, reread your last e-mail to me Brian. You tell me what emotion YOU think that letter was laced with! Exactly. Yes, it hurt. It hurt because you’re getting mad at me for something you have no right in getting mad at me for. Just like I can’t be mad at you for...

You know what, never mind. I can’t talk about this, not now and not here.

I have to get going, class is nearly over and I have to try to con Shelby into giving me her notes.

I’ll talk to you later,

Jordana xo

~*~*~*~*~

To: Nicky <gooberpatrol02@hotmail.com>
From: Kevin Scott Richardson kevin.richardson@ucla.com
Subject: Daily Affirmation
Date: September 22 2005, 3:08PM
Attachments: kevmissingnick0922.jpg

I love you Nick Carter
I miss you Nick Carter

I will be home in a week where I will show you just how much I love and miss you.

Love Kev xoxo

~*~*~*~

To: Joey F jfatone@yahoo.com
From: Celina Coles <celina.coles@ucla.com>
Subject: S’up Buddy
Date: September 24 2005 5:34pm
Attachments: drewcelina.jpg

Joey, my man!

School sucks my ass dude. Seriously. Wanna trade? I can be back in high school and you can take my classes here?

Please?

I’m pouting!!

Damn, I didn’t think you’d go for that. I’m kidding, things aren’t all that bad. I mean, classes are seriously getting in the way of everything else that’s going on, but what can you do, eh! Thanks for the jokes, you made my day yesterday. I’m sure you’ll find the jokes that I just sent you just as funny.

So when are you coming back up? It’d be good to see you again. I know Kevin’s going home next weekend, so you’re clearly not coming up then... But in the next few weeks, you should come back up to visit. Bring the whole gang, including Kevin’s girlfriend, because I seriously think he needs to get some. Bring Brian too so Jordana can get laid too, she needs it more than Kevin does. But since I’m getting some, I just think everyone should be getting some.

Yes, you read that right. I’m getting some. Can you see the grin from there? It’s HUGE. And not just getting some from random people, from my boyfriend. Yes, that’s right. My boyfriend. I hadn’t said anything the last time I wrote because it was still in the beginning stages and ...lets just say I nearly fucked the whole thing up before we actually got to start it up. I thought he was playing me, so I thought I would play him first. Turns out he wasn’t playing me and I ended up playing myself.

I know the anticipation is killing you. I’m cackling from my evilness. I will end the torture... It’s Drew.

Kevin’s Drew, well actually my Drew now. But Kevin’s roommate. I’ve had this mega crush on him since ...well since you turned me down! ;) I’m just kidding, we both knew that what I was offering was just the weekend and you’re too much of a gentleman to take me up on that offer!! But yeah, the more Drew and I talked, the more I started to really like him and fall for him. I guess the same was true for him and we went out a week ago and he kissed me. We spent the whole night making out and then I nearly screwed everything up, but Kevin came down and freaked out on me. It made me realize what I was doing and Drew and I talked about it.

And now, we’re together. Oooh, I’ll attach a pic of the two of us that we took yesterday. Now you’re going to know who my boyfriend is before you get to this point! Booo! Anyways, so yeah. Speaking of, how is Mandy doing? Have you guys decided on a play to do for this year? My suggestion is Jesus Christ Superstar, but I’m biased. It’s my favourite musical!

Okay, I should go. Drew’s gonna be here soon, we’re going out for dinner. A date. *tingles*


Latah,

C.

~*~*~*~*~*~

To: Kev UCLA <kevin.richardson@ucla.com>, Rok <brok_brian@hotmail.com>
From: The Italian Stallion <jfatone@yahoo.com>
Subject: WTF!?!?
Date: September 26, 2005 10:55am

I got quite an interesting e-mail from Celina today. She’s asking when I’m going to be coming down to visit again because she wants to see me. Then she mentions that I should bring everyone, including Kevin’s GIRLFRIEND and BRIAN so that Kevin and JORDANA can GET LAID!

What the fuck?!?!

First off, why would Celina think that your GIRLFRIEND, Kevin, should come down. I thought you were going to tell them about Nick.

Second, BRIAN? JORDANA? Getting LAID? Since when are you in a position to be getting laid by anyone but Rachael Brian? I mean, the two of you looked pretty fucking comfortable on Saturday night at your house, and seeing that the two of you disappeared for like, over an hour in your room while the rest of us were downstairs at your party...

Seriously guys. What the fuck is going on here?

And you’re lucky I didn’t copy Chris on this. He’d be kicking BOTH your asses right now. And as pissed as I am, I’d hold you down to help.

I’m out.

Joe.

~*~*~*~

To: kevin.richardson@ucla.com
From: Nick Carter <gooberpatrol02@hotmail.com>
Subject: Been AGES!
Date: September 26, 2005 10:32AM
Attachments: nickmissingkev0926.jpg

It feels like I haven’t talked to you for ages. :`( Every time I call, you’re out, and every time you call, I’m not home. I miss hearing your voice. I miss chatting with you. But I love the daily pictures you’re sending me. I’ve got a whole folder just for that, and I’m making my own. Some I’m sending you, some are going to be part of your birthday surprise.

I can’t believe you’re going to be home in a few days. I can hardly wait. Justin’s ready to KILL me, since it’s all I can concentrate on.

Nothing too big is going on here. Brit’s been busy with practice for the games. They’re totally intense, so much more than I would have thought. The other day, I stopped by the gym to see how she was doing and it’s insane! Hahaha. I think they work harder than we do.

I’m glad to hear that Drew and Celina are happy and that they hooked up. They looked really cute in that picture you sent me. I just have a question, what’s with the hat he’s always wearing? I don’t think you’ve sent me a picture with him NOT wearing the hat, and even worse, what’s with it covering his one ear? That’s kind of weird. Not that I should talk, but still. Weird.

Oh damn, I have to go. We’re not supposed to be online for personal reasons. :p We’re supposed to be using this period to researching something ...whatever. Damn English essay. Hehe.

I’ll talk to you soon Kev. See you in a few days.

*shimmies*

Love,

Nicky

xoxoxoxox

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

To: Joey <jfatone@yahoo.com>
cc: Brian <brok_brian@hotmail.com>
From: Kevin Scott Richardson <kevin.richardson@ucla.com>

Subject: RE: WTF?
Date: September 26, 2005 6:22pm

Joe, leave it alone. Okay? I know you’re pissed, and I appreciate that you care enough to get upset, but I can’t talk about it. Not right now. You can’t make me feel any worse than I already do, and you can’t punish me any more than I’m punishing myself right now. So just stay out of it. You can’t possibly understand how hard it is for me to keep this a secret. And I know that I shouldn’t, that I should just get it out and be honest, but for some reason every time I try, I freeze up.

So I’m getting shit from you, Gretchen, Chris ...and yes, Chris knows I haven’t told them yet, so you might have well just included him in the e-mail because he already knows what an asshole I am. Not that it was any surprise to begin with. Not to mention myself. So your lecture is falling on deaf ears, I’ve heard it all already.

Secondly, Brian, I don’t know what you said to Jordana, but she’s right pissed at you. And no, she’s done nothing wrong in going out for drinks with Morgan. That was about all that I could understand from the yelling she was doing the other day while we were at the gym. We’ve started working out together, since we’ve both been told by our respective coaches that we have to start a strict regimented exersise programme. Let me tell you, I am so glad I’m not a punching bag, because after seeing what she did to the punching bag .... Yikes.

If you like her as much as we all know you do, make a decision, but you can’t be stringing her along. You can’t tell her that you are happy and in love with Rachael, but then get pissed when she goes on a date with someone else. It’s not fair to anyone. Especially me who is caught in the middle. I love you Bri, you know I do. You’re one of my best friends, but you’re being an ass.

But not that I should talk right now. I’m no better.

Shit.

I have too much work to do before I come home this weekend. I know I’m going to get nothing done so it has to be done before. I need to go to the library.

Talk to you guys later.

Kev.

~*~*~*~

To: Kevin <kevin.richardson@ucla.com>
cc: Joey <jfatone@yahoo.com>
From: Brian Littrell <brok_brian@hotmail.com>
Subject RE:RE: WTF?
Date: September 27, 2005 11:51PM

Fuck you both. You have no idea how hard this is for me, okay. You think I enjoy hurting both Rachael and Jordana? And I know Rach doesn’t know anything yet, so technically I haven’t hurt her, but I know I will. Eventually. I just ...I don’t know what to do. Every time I start to talk to Rach about how I’m feeling and how confused I am, she turns around and tells me just how much she loves me and can’t wait until we both graduate from college and get married.

Married.

Shit. I can’t tell her that whenever I’m kissing her, I think about the kiss I had with Jordana. How it felt to hold her in my arms, how good her shampoo smelled and that soft little whimper that she made when I ....

I can’t do it.

And I know we ditched you guys at the party on Saturday, but ... I had to see something ...I had to make sure that I still ...

I don’t want to talk about this. Not through a fucking computer. Okay!

And Kevin, you have no right to be yelling at me about what I’m doing to Jordana. You’re not here, seeing how fucking proud of you Nick is. How much he loves you and talks about you constantly, and how he has your damn picture up in his locker with heart stickers on it, not having any clue that he’s referred to as "the girlfriend".

Think about that!

Brian.

~*~*~*~*~

To: Dumbass 2 <kevin.richardson@ucla.com>, Dumbass 3< jfatone@yahoo.com>, Dumbass 1 <brok_brian@hotmail.com>
From: The Supreme Ruler of the World <anarchyrules@yahoo.com>
Subject: You’re All MORONS!
Date: September 28 2005 12.45AM

Kevin is here in two days. Can we hold off this cat fight until he gets here and we can have it in person.

I think it’s funny that you’ve all blind carbon copied me on each e-mail you’ve sent, even though Joey specifically said he didn’t, not telling anyone else about it. And I wasn’t going to step in, but you’re all being fifteen year old girls about this.

So fucking wait until Kevin gets here and then we can appropriately deal with the fact that both Kevin and Brian need to have their asses kicked.

At least twice.

And I want to know when the hell I became the mature one of this group?

Because, damn, that’s a fucking scary thought.

Chris

~*~*~*~

To: Chrissy Pants <anarchyrules@yahoo.com>
cc: Kev UCLA <kevin.richardson@ucla.com>, Rok <brok_brian@hotmail.com>
From: The Italian Stallion <jfatone@yahoo.com>

Subject: You Wish Short Man
Date: September 28 2005, 9:05am

You? The mature one?

You wish!

J

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

To: Dumbass 3 <jfatone@yahoo.com>
cc: Dumbass 2 <kevin.richardson@ucla.com>, Dumbass 1 <brok_brian@hotmail.com>
From: The Supreme Ruler of the World anarchyrules@yahoo.com
Subject: Back Off Ital!
Date: September 28 2005, 10PM

I am.

Fuck off.

Party this weekend? Whose house?

C

~*~*~*~*~*

To: Chris <anarchyrules@yahoo.com>
cc: Joey <jfatone@yahoo.com>, Brian <brok_brian@hotmail.com>
From: Kevin Scott Richardson kevin.richardson@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Back Off Ital
Date: September 28 2005, 11:50PM

My house.

Saturday night. I’m going out with Nick on Friday and then we’re gonna all do something Saturday. And then Saturday night there’s a party at my house. You can start putting the word out, I thought Nick already was.

Not sure what time I’m coming in on Friday, I’ll call when I know.

But Chris is right, we need to talk about this in person.

See you Friday.

Kev.

~*~*~*~*~

To: Nicky <gooberpatrol02@hotmail.com>
From: Kevin Scott Richardson <kevin.richardson@ucla.com>
Subject One Day!!!
Date: September 29 2005 8:58PM
Attachments: biggrin.jpg

Tomorrow, I’ll finally be home to see you. I can’t believe we haven’t spoken in two weeks. The other night, I got your e-mail and looked at the time, you just must have signed off when I signed on.

I have a few errands to do tomorrow, so I don’t know what time I’m going to be coming home. It will probably be in the afternoon though. I’m just going to see how the day goes.

Tell Justin thank you for the hints on that game I was asking about. Adam and his roommate have been having this battle for the past few weeks, and neither of them could figure out how to get past the one level. They didn’t believe me at first, but when I gave them the notes that Justin had made for me, Adam tried it and it took him a few tries, but he finally got through, and now they think I’m just the master at all that is video games. Of course, I didn’t tell them that it was Justin who got the information for me! LOL.

I hate to cut this short, but we’re all going down to the lecture hall. Sometimes on Thursday nights they hold $2 movies in the theatre. Tonight they’re showing the first Harry Potter movie, and then next week the second and then the following week the third. I didn’t get to see them in the theatres, plus Jor and Drew haven’t seen them, so we’re all going to go. I think there is about fifteen of us in total going down.

Yep, there they are, knocking down the door practically.

I’m going to go, and I’ll see you tomorrow Nicky.

I love you.

Kev. xoxoxox


End Chapter 22


Chapter 23 >