< Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Kevin sat in his chair for a few moments after hanging up the phone, just staring at it. Now that it was afternoon, the dormitory was in full swing and people were socializing and visiting, the noise was a dull throb in the back of his mind. As much as he missed Nick, it was the worst just after they’d hung up from one of their marathon phone conversations. The computer made its usual whirring noise as it shut down and as Kevin was about to stand up and venture down the hall to join his roommate and their friends, the door to his room opened. Drew walked in, a sour expression on his face and Kevin knew he wasn’t going anywhere.

"You okay bro?" Kevin asked. All thoughts of his conversation with Nick were put to the back of his mind and he focused on his friend before him.

Drew rolled his eyes and fell backwards on his bed with a dramatic sigh. "Define okay. Am I going to throw myself in front of a moving bus? No. Is the world full of sunshine and roses? No." Drew sat up and propped himself against his headboard. "I’m somewhere in the middle."

"Better than in front of a bus," Kevin rationalized. He laughed when Drew gave him the finger. "But seriously, why are you back? I thought you guys were going to watch a movie."

"They are," Drew said. Kevin could tell that he was still slightly agitated and hoped that he would confide in him. As close as they were getting, Kevin sometimes felt that Drew was holding back when they would talk. Not that he was in any position to talk, Kevin was the king of keeping things a secret, but at the same time, he wanted to be able to help Drew.

"And?"

There was a knock on the door which ceased all conversation. "Come in!" Kevin called. He saw Drew hold his breath and close his eyes, which only increased Kevin’s curiosity.

Drew breathed a sigh of relief when Donnie, their neighbour poked his head into their room. "Kevin, you’ve got the whole Lord of the Rings movie trilogy right? On DVD?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah."

"Can we borrow it? Rayanne has never seen it and so we’re going to make her watch it."

Both Drew and Kevin’s jaws dropped in surprise. "She’s NEVER seen them? Any of them?" Drew asked.

Donnie laughed and rolled his eyes. "See Ray, they think you’re a freak too!"

"I haven’t seen them, okay!" A voice complained from the hall. Kevin figured she must have been given the third degree already and kept his mouth shut, only affording a snicker. "Next you’ll freak because I haven’t seen any of the Matrix movies."

"WHAT?" Donnie screamed. "I thought you were a Film Major."

"SHUT UP!"

Donnie flashed Kevin and Drew a knowing smirk.

"They’re over there, on the shelf," Kevin said, pointing to the far side of the room. Donnie nodded his thanks and grabbed the box set, ducking back into the hall.

When they were alone, Kevin focused his attention back onto Drew. "So, do you want to tell me why you nearly freaked when he knocked on the door?"

"Not really."

"Too bad."


They shared a kind smile. Kevin climbed onto his bed and made himself comfortable. They had over an hour before they were to meet everyone and he didn't mind spending it, talking to Drew.

"You can’t tell anyone," Drew prefaced his confession. His pulse was racing and he couldn’t believe he was about to tell Kevin this. Kevin must have seen the plea in his eyes and nodded. "I ...god, I want her so much."

Kevin furrowed his eyebrows. He was about to ask who when Drew continued.

"How close did Joey and Celina get when they were down?"

"Huh?" Kevin was lost.

"I know they’d gotten pretty close, they were practically inseparable, did they hook up? Are they..."

Kevin shook his head and held his hand up to stop Drew from continuing. "No. He has a girlfriend back home, they had a connection, or whatever but the second she expressed interest, he backed off."

Drew looked surprised, Kevin figured that considering what was going on with Brian and Jordana, he was justified in that surprise.

"I’m serious. He told her that he thought she was hot, and pretty cool, but that was it. He has a girlfriend back home that he wasn’t willing to ditch for some girl who is in college that he just met."

"Wow."

"Yeah," Kevin figured that this girl that Drew wanted was Celina, which was surprising because he’d never mentioned anything even remotely close to that fact. There had been the girl that he’d chased after at their party the week before, and Drew was always talking about girls that he thought was hot and wanted to get to know better, but never had he actively pursued any of them. And never had that girl been Celina. "Why?"

"She’s so beautiful. And smart. Sexy."

"And?"

"And I want her. I like her so much." Drew looked positively lost. As if he’d realized that something he so desperately wanted was out of his reach.

"Why is this a bad thing?"

"I didn’t say it was a bad thing," Drew protested weakly. Kevin gave a nod and exhaled deeply.

"You don’t have to say it, it’s in how depressed you look right now. So why is it a bad thing that you are interested in her?"

Drew thought about everything that had happened in the past few days and sighed. "Because she’s not interested in me back. Because she ..."

If Drew was about to say that she was hung up on Joey, Kevin was going to scream. It was bad enough that Jordana was still harbouring her feelings for Brian and putting him in the middle of it, for Celina to be still interested in Joey was more than he could handle. Kevin knew Joey, and he knew that Joey wasn’t going to be leaving Middletown any time soon, especially not to come to UCLA and pick up what could be a relationship with a girl he’d met for forty eight hours.

If anything, Joey would be going to New York to pursue acting, to secure a spot on Broadway, which had always been his big dream. But before that, he would be learning the family business, and possibly taking over that when the time came. Joey had big dreams, but at the same time, it didn’t take much to make him happy. He could be content in living in Middletown for the rest of his life, happy with a wife and a house full of kids, running the pizzeria and making it into a fully functional Italian restaurant. If Celina was waiting for Joey, she would be waiting for a long time.

Thankfully, to Kevin’s delight, that wasn’t what Drew was about to say.

"She’s not looking for a relationship right now. She’s enjoying being single. Playing the field."

Kevin hated how crushed Drew looked. Something happened, he was sure of it, which was why this news was hitting his friend harder than it should have.

"I’m sorry."

"I just wish she had have told me before I kissed her and..."

Kevin couldn’t hide the surprise at Drew’s confession. "You kissed her?"

Drew closed his eyes and rubbed his face. "Yeah. We’d gone to the bar to see Shelby’s boyfriend the other night."

Kevin thought back to the night that Drew was talking about. He remembered Drew mentioning that they’d be going to that same bar they’d gone to before school started and Kevin wasn’t interested. He’d ended up staying in and doing his homework with Jordana while they watched TV in their room. He’d been asleep by the time Drew had come home and Drew hadn’t been forthcoming with any information the next day.

"Okay."

"Yeah, we were all there and dancing and just having fun. Shelby was off with friends of hers and her boyfriend’s, and so Celina and I were alone. We started dancing and then one thing led to another and I kissed her. I’ve been crushing on her since that night, that first night when we all went out but she had been so focused on Joey that I thought I didn’t have a chance. But he left and she said that he was just this fun guy and she wasn’t interested in guys with girlfriends. We’ve been flirting off and on since, and so when we were pressed together, I just couldn’t help myself and kissed her. She kissed me back and I thought ..I thought she was interested too."

There was a knock on the door, interrupting their moment. Kevin’s eyes flashed to Drew’s. They both recognized the knock, it was Jordana’s familiar pattern. Drew shook his head and Kevin nodded, understanding what his roommate was saying. He went to the door, opening it only a crack.

"What’s up?" Kevin asked, not opening the door more, nor letting her in. Jordana gave him a strange look.

"Is ...everything okay?" Jordana tried to look past Kevin, frustrated when he wouldn't comply.

"Fine. Just ...kinda busy."

They stared deep into each other’s eyes.

"Drew here."

Kevin paused. "Nah, just me."

Jordana’s eyes narrowed. She knew he was lying. She’d heard both of their voices a second before she’d knocked. Kevin crumbled first, taking a deep breath in before letting it out.

"We’re just ...in the middle of something." Kevin pleaded with her to understand and not make a big deal out of it. S he could see the concern in his eyes and knew he was telling the truth.

"Is he okay? He kind of left suddenly."

"Fine," Kevin lied. They both recognized the lie. Jordana only nodded.

"You both coming to the beach still?"

Kevin looked over at Drew who nodded. "Yeah."

"See you then." Jordana gave Kevin a searching look. There was more than Kevin would like to admit out loud, in his eyes and she paused for a moment before pulling him close to hug him. They would never be more than friends, for many reasons. And the slight crush she had on him wasn’t that of a romantic or sexual nature, but one of someone she deeply respected and liked. The moment their eyes had met at O’Tooles, when she had been working and Kevin and his friends had sat at her table, Jordana had recognized something in him, something that she not only understood, but had lived.

There was a surge of electricity between them and Kevin’s hand trembled where it gripped the door tightly. He watched her nod before she turned around and headed down the hall towards the room she shared with Celina. Kevin waited a moment before closing the door and exhaling the breath he’d been holding.

"So, do you think you two will ever screw?" Drew asked, a twinkle of humour in his eyes. A look of surprise covered Kevin’s face causing Drew to laugh. "I’m serious, the sexual tension between the two of you is insane."

"You’re insane," Kevin commented. He sat back down on his bed and looked at his roommate with all seriousness. "We’re not going to ...screw."

"You should. God, the two of you are always circling around each other, just do it and get it over with. She’s hot, it’d probably be amazing."

Kevin didn’t doubt that sex with Jordana would be amazing, but not for him. He wasn’t interested in her as more than a friend, and knew she felt the same way. They’d talked about it the other night when they had been watching TV. Some of Jordana’s friends had come to the same conclusion that Drew had, and she’d approached him with it. They had endured a good laugh at their friends’ expense, both assured that their friendship was just that, a friendship.

"It’s not going to happen." Kevin said sternly. "It’s not like that. So what happened with Celina?"

Drew’s face returned to the way it had been moments earlier, sullen and frustrated. "So we made out, a lot. Mainly just kissing and talking, but it was amazing. She’s so beautiful and smart, and it felt so right. Right? She would lightly scratch the nape of my neck, which she had no idea but I love it when girls do that. I confessed to her how much I liked her and she said she liked me too."

Kevin had an idea that this was where things got complicated. He was right.

"I just thought we both meant the same thing."

"What happened?"

Drew sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked at the door, longingly and then back at Kevin. "Yesterday I was coming out of class and she was sitting at one of the tables outside, doing some homework. I sat down, pretty close since I thought we’d hooked up, right. She’s all sweet but distant. We talk for a bit and I asked her if she wanted to go to the party WITH me. I know we were all going together, but I wanted us to be together."

Kevin had thought Drew was trailing Celina pretty closely the night before but hadn’t put too much into it. Now he thought he should have.

"So she said ‘sure, why not’, which again, I must have misunderstood. When we were there last night, I’d lost track of her. When I went outside to get some fresh air, I saw her sitting on a bench with some guy, I don’t know who he was. Jor said he was a guy from Celina’s Sociology workshop. They were talking, pretty close and then I saw him lean in and kiss her."

Kevin hated to think of where this was going. He knew Drew was going to confirm his suspicions in a few seconds. "And?"

"She kissed him back. They were kissing, like, passionately, tongues, his hand slipping under her shirt kissing. I went over and she had the nerve to ask me what I wanted. She said that too, ‘Drew? What did you want?’ Like she wasn’t sitting there, breaking my heart."

Kevin winced and felt a surge of anger bubbling up inside of him. He wanted nothing more than to go down the hall and give Celina a piece of his mind. It was then that he realized something had happened while Drew was down there to force him to come back in such an upset state.

"What just happened?"

Drew shook his head. Kevin got angrier.

"What just happened?" He repeated himself. Drew sighed.

"The guy, John? The one she was kissing, he showed up."

"Is he coming to the beach?" If Drew’s answer was yes, Kevin wasn’t going.

Drew shrugged. "Not sure. He came in, kissed her and I got up to leave. Didn’t wait around for much more."

Kevin was off of his bed and to the door before Drew could register what was happening. He ignored Drew’s calls to not make a big deal of it. Kevin wouldn’t stand up for anyone hurting his friends. Surprisingly, Jordana’s door was closed, contrary to what he’d been expecting. Usually, if they watched movies, the door was kept open so anyone could wander in and join. Kevin suspected they weren’t watching the movie any longer. He brought his fist up to knock on the door.

Jordana opened it, an annoyed expression on her face. When she saw it was Kevin, the annoyance turned into surprise. And finally, understanding.

"Is HE coming?"

"What?" Jordana asked, slightly confused. She hadn’t been expecting that question.

"John, whatever the fuck his name is. Celina’s new boyfriend, is he coming to the beach?"

Kevin heard muffled screams and tried to look past Jordana’s shoulder. This time he was being kept out in the dark. Jordana pushed Kevin further into the hall and closed her door. Kevin’s expression was steely and Jordana braced herself. "He’s not her boyfriend."

"Oh that’s right, Celina’s giving it to anyone who’s willing to take it."

Jordana gasped, Kevin didn’t regret his words one bit. He raised an eyebrow and she sighed. "It’s not what it seems."

"Oh, no? She isn’t fucking around with whoever is willing?" Kevin waited for Jordana to answer, when she didn’t, he shrugged. "She doesn’t fuck around with my friends’ feelings, okay. Not cool. She fucks with them, she fucks with me." Kevin looked down the hall at his door where Drew was standing, peeking out at him. Their eyes met and Kevin felt some of the rage diffuse. "So I’ll ask again, is he coming?"

Jordana shook her head. "No."

"Anyone else she’s planning to bring to flaunt in Drew’s face?" Kevin was certain that Celina had told Jordana everything, so he didn’t worry about revealing too much about what had happened. Again, he saw her shake her head.

"No."

"Good."

Jordana put her hand on Kevin’s arm to stop him from leaving. "She likes him."

"Funny way to show it." Their eyes met, Kevin saw something flash in her eyes.

"You’ve never had someone tell you they like you and not know how to deal with it?"

Kevin’s blood ran ice cold and he felt his stomach clench. Memories of Nick whispering his love for Kevin, his confusion as to what to do about Nick’s feelings plaguing him. He felt the remaining fight leave his body.

"She wasn’t expecting him to ...it was a shock, okay. She’s had this crush on him since we all met and he’s been going on about all these girls he’s after. So when he told her he liked her, she ...she didn’t know what to do. She thought it was a line to get her to make out with him, to get her to sleep with him. He’s a hot guy Kevin, there are tons of girls who would probably line up to be with him. Plus he’s a freshman, so he’s probably going to be making his way through as much of the female population as he can."

"But they didn’t sleep together," Kevin pointed out.

"Doesn’t matter. She wanted to, they both did. So she didn’t know how to handle it. She thought he was playing her, and ...wanted him to know that he wasn’t the only guy interested. Just like she knows she’s not the only girl interested."

Kevin stopped. Drew had gone back into their room. "He’s crushed right now thinking she’s fucking around with him. He likes her, more than she knows. And of course there are people interested in him Jordana, but it’s who HE is interested in that matters. You can’t stop people from wanting him."

Jordana sighed and felt a weight pressing on her chest. "I’m not saying what she did was right Kevin, not at all. But you have to see it from where she’s standing."

"I’ve been where she’s standing," Kevin pointed out with a sharp tone of voice. "I’ve been there and the last thing I would have done, the one thing I would never have done was flaunt someone else in front of them. It’s just cruel."

"She knows," Jordana pleaded. "And that’s why she’s inside there, freaking out. He got up and fled, didn’t even say anything, only looked at her with this horrible expression on his face."

"That expression," Kevin informed Jordana, "was his heart breaking. What she didn’t kill last night, she sure as hell did today. If she likes him, she shouldn’t be playing these games with him. He knows there are other guys interested, why do you think he hasn’t made a move? He knows there are other people she could be with, but he still ..."

The door to Jordana and Celina’s room opened, causing for Kevin to stand back. His face turned into a mask of anger and he glared at Celina. "Is ...are you guys still coming to the beach?" She asked as she wiped at her tear stained cheeks.

Kevin shrugged. "I don’t know."

"Just ...tell him I need to talk to him. I want to apologize."

Again, Kevin shrugged. "I’ll tell him, but I can’t promise anything." His watch read that it was twenty to three. To give them more time, they decided to push back their trip to the beach until three thirty. "Stop by and knock," Kevin said as he walked down the hall towards his room. He didn’t look back.

"She wants to talk to you. Apologize," Kevin relayed the message as he stepped inside his room and closed the door. He hoped that Drew wasn’t angry with him. With a stroke of luck, Drew only nodded and afforded Kevin a small grin.

"Thanks."

"It just pissed me off, the way she was treating you." Kevin admitted shyly. "I get pretty protective of my friends, especially when they’re being screwed over."

"You didn’t have to do that," Drew admitted nervously. "But I appreciate it." It felt good when Kevin stormed out of their dorm room and down the hall to get to the bottom of Drew’s problem. Kevin was protecting him, and as much as Drew didn’t need someone to do that, it was still reassuring. That was something Nick would have done for Justin while they were still in high school, and despite Drew and Kevin being the same age, he had, with that one action, taken the role of his big brother.

"You’re welcome. I’m just glad you’re not pissed."

They shared a look between them and Drew shook his head. "No. I would have stopped you before you got to the door, told you to stay out of it. Or I just wouldn’t have told you anything at all."

"Well, we’ve got until three thirty now, they’re going to come down and get us when they’re ready to go." Kevin reached across his bed to pick up the remote control to the TV they had perched on a stand in the corner. Just as he was about to turn the set on, Drew spoke.

"So you and Jordana? Never gonna happen?"

Kevin’s stomach flipped and he shook his head. "Nope."

"Let me get this straight. You have this beautiful, sexy older girl who is always around, most of the time, half dressed. We’re up here, no parents, no supervision, no girlfriend to catch you. Hell, you could do it and I wouldn’t even know about it. Basically, just the two of you would know, and no one else would have to."

The thought of cheating on Nick made Kevin uncomfortable. He knew that he could do it and assure that Nick would never find out, but he would never do that. He wouldn’t do it because of the main issue that he loved Nick more than anything, and whenever he thought of hurting the blonde in any way, a weight pressed upon his chest, crushing his heart. Echoes of Nick’s voice, reminding Kevin he loved him rang in his ears.

"I know."

"And still?" Drew looked at Kevin in disbelief.

"I love ...her. If I wanted to screw around, we would have just broken up. Hurting ...her is the last thing I would ever want to do."

"If she didn’t find out about it, she wouldn’t get hurt."

Kevin looked at Drew through suspicious eyes. Perhaps his roommate wasn’t everything Kevin had thought he was. Cheating was serious and if Drew had such a lax view of it, then there were other things as well that they might not see eye to eye on.

"So you advocate cheating?" Kevin asked, voice tense. "You think that it’s okay? I mean, ten minutes ago you were in a rage because Celina was kissing someone else, and you two aren’t even togeth..."

Drew sat up quickly and shook his head. "No. I’m not advocating cheating at all, I’m just curious as to why you and Jor ..hell, you and anyone, aren’t hooking up."

"Because I’m in love with someone. Because where I come from, cheating isn’t as highly regarded as it is elsewhere. And mostly because it’s not worth it. You say that my girlfriend won’t find out about it? Impossible. It’s just a matter of time." It was frightening how Kevin hadn’t even stuttered on the last reference to his girlfriend. It was getting easier to feminize Nick’s status in his life, which was Kevin’s first clue to reveal his secret to Drew. He was getting to comfortable in the lie. The knife slid in deeper, causing Kevin to wince. "And most of all, I will know I cheated. I will know and it will kill me every single time we’re together and she tells me she loves me. Trusts me."

There was a twinkle of respect in Drew’s eyes which caused for Kevin to blush. "You haven’t even thought about hooking up with anyone since you got here, have you?"

Kevin shrugged. "There are people that I’ve looked at and taken a second look and thought ‘damn," but not more than on just a superficial level. I’m taken." Kevin looked at the calendar, he remembered that he hadn’t told Drew he was going home in a few weeks. "Oh yeah, I’m going home on the 30th for the weekend."

Drew nodded, a grin covering his face. "Yeah, I saw that. Would you mind if I had people up that weekend? Friends of mine wanted to come by to visit, but the only weekend they can come up is that one."

"Yeah," Kevin scratched his stomach idly. "One can have my bed if they want ..."

"Awesome, thanks. I’ll just put a set of my sheets on it when you leave, and then when they leave I’ll make the bed with yours."

Kevin had, effectively, lost his best opportunity to tell Drew about himself. They had established a friendship, a connection and Kevin now knew that no matter what he told Drew, short of homicide, he would understand. It would have been so easy to confess that the reason that he wasn’t interested in hooking up with any of the girls on their floor was because his love was back home, a fifteen year old boy named Nick, someone who had pretty much ruined Kevin for everyone else because he was all Kevin could see. All Kevin wanted. But now they were talking about the beach and Drew’s upcoming week. Kevin shook his head and cleared the negative thoughts out. He would find some time before he went home for the weekend to tell Drew. He promised himself. He promised Nick. He knew he was lying to both of them.

End Chapter 21


Chapter 22 >