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Title: All Kinds Of Weird
Author: Jules
Part: 1/1
Series: 7 of One Way Or Another Series
Pairing: Nick/Kevin/Justin
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Fiction. Yeah. Fiction.
Warnings: Slash warning. Bigroupal warning

~*~*~*~*~*~

Nick thought Justin and Kevin were off alone together.

Kevin thought Nick and Justin were off alone together.

Justin thought Kevin and Nick were off alone together.

None of them had spoken since that night at Justin's, where they had sat in his basement, watching movies, barely speaking and feeling a giant gap wedging itself between them. Nick had been the first to fall asleep and Justin had covered him with a blanket. He then told Kevin he was going upstairs to bed, leaving Kevin to his own devices. After waking with a start, cramped in the lazy boy chair he'd moved into once Justin had gone to bed, Kevin checked the clock to see it was just before six and then let himself out figuring they'd all speak later.

They hadn't.

The next morning, Nick stayed long enough to eat two bowls of cereal and down a cup of coffee before leaving with promises to call.

He didn't.

Justin told himself that everything was okay, that they just needed time to themselves to think about everything and then, when the air had cleared and the awkwardness had settled, things would return to normal.

He was still waiting.

Thinking that it was what the others wanted, each stayed away and did not call. The last thing they wanted to do was make things more awkward, push too hard. So instead, they were alone thinking that the others were off together having fun. Without them.

~*~*~*~

Nick picked up the phone. He needed to do something, anything except sit in his house and think about how fucked up his life was. For the past few days, he'd had visions of Justin and Kevin off somewhere together dancing in his head. He couldn't focus on anything and it was slowly driving him insane. He knew that he'd told Justin he would call and despite the nagging sense of guilt over the fact that he hadn't, Nick still held on to the thought that if Justin wanted to talk to him that bad, he'd pick up the phone and call. There had been no phone call forthcoming, so Nick reasoned that Justin didn't want to talk to him. Furthermore, not only didn't Justin want to talk to him, Kevin apparently didn't want to either because he hadn't heard from the older man as well Putting those two facts together led Nick to the strong belief that the reason that Justin or Kevin hadn't phoned was that they were off somewhere, together.


Without him.

Nick's mood darkened considerably. He waited for the phone to start ringing, pleased when AJ's voice came through the line. They engaged in small talk for a few minutes until Nick got down to the real reason he was calling. "I need to get away, clear my head."

AJ sighed which only irritated Nick further. "Didn't you just go away? Skiing in BC? Or was that just a figment of my imagination?"

With a scowl in his voice, Nick fought not to come out and say exactly what he was thinking to his friend. Instead he toned it down to a civil response. "Lets just say that it wasn't exactly as therapeutic as I'd thought it was going to be. I'd gone to get away, which I did but it's hard to put into perspective what you need to think about when you're with the people you're trying to put into perspective." Nick paused, waiting for AJ to answer. When he didn't Nick continued. "Well, do you know what I mean?"

He got another sigh from AJ. "No clue man."

"What I need to get away from right now is Kevin and Justin, and the fact that they're off together somewhere. And I'm here. Alone. I need to think about what I want and where I'm going." Nick was glad that he'd clued AJ into his breakup with Paris and that she'd officially become a topic they steered clear of, at least for the time being. Although he hadn't said it outright, Nick also needed to get away to think about what had gone down between them and how it was affecting his ability to have any lasting relationship.

"I get it. Too many cooks in the kitchen huh?"

"Something like that," Nick grumbled. The last thing he needed right now was an 'I told you so' from AJ. Thankfully the older man knew that and refrained from saying the words he was screaming in his head. "So..."

"So what's the plan Nicky?"

"You can't tell anyone where we're going. ANYONE. Not even JC. ESPECIALLY not JC because he'll tell J and... I don't want anyone knowing."

"We?"

Although AJ couldn't see him, Nick blushed a little and picked at the hem of his shirt nervously. It was like he was fifteen again asking AJ to sneak out to the store with him. "Uhhh, yeah. I was thinking that maybe you and I could go away somewhere. I don't want to go alone, but I want someone that I know I won't have to entertain the whole time. I was thinking we'd go over to Europe for a bit. Hang out, scope out the scene. If anyone asks we're going to check out new producers or whatever for the CD, but they can't know the real reason we're going over there. It's far enough away..."

"We're keeping it on the down low, I get it Nick." AJ's voice held exasperated patience and Nick stopped talking instantly.

"We? You'll come?"

AJ's chuckle caused for Nick to giggle softly. "Like there was any doubt. When do you want to go?"

Plans were made and Nick assured AJ he'd book the tickets and the hotel rooms. He'd phone back in a few hours when everything was complete and promised to give at least 24 hours notice for AJ to make his exit believable. There was bound to be countless questions from JC why all of a sudden he was flying off to Europe to scope out new producers for a CD that hadn't been mentioned at all.

An hour later Nick phoned back. "We leave Tuesday at two in the afternoon. That gives you two days, Aje. That okay?"

"Yeah. I'll meet you at the airport. How long we going for?"

Nick shrugged, mostly to himself but grunted for AJ's benefit. "No clue. Return ticket is open ended so we just have to call and make the reservation."

Nick had left out a lot of details as to why he was going. Actually, he hadn't really said much of anything, only telling AJ that he needed him and the older man had barely hesitated in agreeing to go. He knew that if the positions were reversed, if it had been AJ, or even any of the other guys, calling him up in the middle of the day or night informing him that they needed to get away and wanted him to go with them, he'd have said okay before they even got the question out. It was just how they were with each other. They were bound together and taking care of each other was second nature now. Nick was grateful that he hadn't had to go into detail just yet and that AJ had trusted him unconditionally, especially when Nick knew he knew that there was more to things than he was letting on.

They were midway through the flight, when AJ turned to him and gave him the patient smile he'd grown to recognize as AJ's 'lets talk' face. "So, you wanna tell me why we're running to Europe?"

Nick shook his head. If he didn't hate flying so much he would have raised the window shade and watched the ocean pass him by, but just the thought sent his lunch churning and he closed his eyes to calm the nausea. "No."

"No?" AJ wasn't used to being told 'no', especially from Nick, and especially when he knew the younger man needed to talk about it. It was what Nick did, he worked through things in his head by bouncing ideas off of the people closest to him. There weren't many people that he opened up to, but if you were one of the chosen few, it wasn't often that he didn't talk. "You'll feel better if you talk about it, at least a little."

Nick met AJ's eyes and gave him a weak smile. "I can't, not here."

Realization flashed in AJ's eyes and Nick knew he figured out why it was he couldn't talk. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell AJ everything that was happening, he just couldn't do it in a packed first class airplane en route to London. "Ah."

"Exactly." Nick could see a reproving look in AJ's eyes and knew that although he would support and be there for him, AJ had reservations about everything. About his and Kevin's relationship, about how it affected the group dynamics and about how seriously fucked up everything was with Justin. Past conversations echoed in Nick's mind and he was relieved he had a few more hours before they had to start THAT discussion.

~*~*~*~*

Justin spent from sun up until sun down in the studio, even on days that he didn't have to. The first few days he'd attributed the lack of phone calls to awkwardness figuring that Kevin and Nick needed some time to get over the initial strain of everything. That Nick was still working out his feelings surrounding his break up with Paris and Kevin was simply taking a breather from everyone and everything. But as a few more days passed and his voice mail, all of them, remained void of messages from either man, he'd figured that their group dynamics had won out and while Nick and Kevin had reconciled, they'd simply forgotten about him. Despite his close relationship with Nick and the fact that it had been ongoing for years now, it still paled in comparison to the relationship Nick had with Kevin. They had history that he just couldn't compete with and Justin's mind went wild with scenarios that didn't include him.

He couldn't say what he was more upset about, Nick's failure to call or Kevin's. Or if he was upset that they were together without him or from wanting him to join them. As much as he loved having Nick to himself, and Kevin to himself, some of their best nights were when all three of them were together, curled up in a mass of limbs, bodies satisfied, reveling in the satisfaction of having the two men he cared the most for pressed tightly together with him sandwiched in the middle.

It couldn't go on forever, they all were aware of that fact and although none wanted to think about it, it was the only thing on their minds every time they got together. Well until someone instigated the first kiss which would almost always send them spiraling until all three were naked and begging for more. But even afterwards, once the high had slowly dissipated and the euphoric orgasm had ended, they were back to where they'd started, forced to enjoy each time for fear that it might be the last.

Justin had never been so confused in his life. They each had a choice to make. One or the other. Not only did Justin not know who Nick or Kevin would choose, he wasn't even sure he knew who he wanted to choose. He wondered if they'd already picked and that was why neither had called him, afraid to let him know that his services were no longer needed. That thought caused for his stomach to clench and his eyes to water. Justin needed to take his mind off of everything and that was when he found himself on Lance's door step at 11 pm. His lips curled into a huge grin when Lance opened the door.

"Dude, what's up yo?" Justin winked at the bemused expression on Lance's face. He'd feared Lance wouldn't be ready to go, but thankfully he was. Or at least Justin assumed he was, with Lance you could never really.

"Not much, still working out things in my head. Everything okay?" He stepped aside so Justin could enter and they headed into the kitchen where Lance had two drinks ready. Handing one to Justin, Lance sipped at his and waited for Justin to reveal his reason for calling and suggesting they go clubbing. Lance couldn't remember the last time Justin had been this hard up for a clubbing partner.

"No. Everything is not okay. Everything is so fucking fucked up that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing anymore. But I realized I can't sit at home and watch my life get pissed down the toilet, so I thought about it and realized it's been ages since we've done something not business related." Justin paused to gage Lance's reaction, something in the smirk rubbed him the wrong way and his back straightened. "But if it's a problem.." The glass clinked against the marble counter and Justin let out a sigh of frustration.

"It's not a problem, J, so don't be all bitchy with me. It's just been a while so I...."

"I know, I'm a shitty friend. Just... if you're going to piss all over me can you wait until I'm emotionally stable. I'm serious yo, this is me close to the edge of a nervous breakdown."

There must have been something in his eyes and the tone of his voice that caused Lance to really take a good look at him and realize he was serious. Justin couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten a peaceful night's sleep and furthermore, when he'd gone through the day without wondering if anyone would notice if he'd just disapeared, never to be found.

"You're not exaggerating," Lance said softly, with concern. He approached Justin and pulled him into a tight embrace allowing for Justin to lean on him. Not realizing he desperately needed the human contact, the comfort Justin began to tremble as he buried his face in Lance's neck. "I'm sorry, J, I thought..."

"I know what you thought," Justin's voice was muffled as he fought the urge to cry. When he pulled back, he was a little more composed. "You thought that I had nothing better to do and no one else to go to, to pass a few hours. And, you're half right. I have no one else I CAN go to but also there's no one else I want to go to ..."

Immediately Lance knew exactly what it was all about. "What happened?"

Justin shook his head, sometimes he still had no clue. Everything had been fine one minute and fucked up beyond repair the next. "I have no idea. We were all cool, everything had finally gotten to a place where we could be together and it not be weird. I would see Nick and Kevin would be cool with it, or I would be with Kevin and Nick would be fine, and even they would get together and I'd be okay and then Nick broke up with Paris and all hell broke loose..."

Lance realized this story was going to take a lot longer than ten minutes and so he stopped Justin from continuing. "You free tomorrow?"

Justin nodded as he took a deep, cleansing breath.

"If you want, we can get into this whole thing tonight... OR... if you'd rather, we can go out tonight, tear the town apart and then tomorrow we'll move onto the emotional part of the programme. Your choice."

As much as Justin needed to bear his soul to Lance, he could do that tomorrow. Right now he wanted to go out and forget everything and everyone. He hadn't even needed to answer, Lance knew from the sparkle in his eyes.

"Good, we'll come back here tonight and then spend all day tomorrow talking about anything you want."

For the first time since everything seemed to get out of whack, Justin felt that things were going to be okay.

~*~*~*~*~*~

One of the things Kevin hated most in the world was feeling helpless. Helpless and powerless and at the moment he felt both to staggering degrees. There was so much he wanted to do but at the same time couldn't do a single one of them. There was a growing rift between him and Nick, between him and Justin and finally between him, Nick and Justin, and moreso, they all realized that there was this rift but couldn't do anything to stop it. The only thing they could do was wait it out, let the hurt heal and hope that when the smoke cleared, things were still salvageable.

Kevin wanted to call Nick. He wanted to call Justin. Wanted to conference call them so all three could get everything out in the open and talk about everything they were pretending wasn't an issue. But before he could do that, he had to first figure out what exactly his issues were. He hadn't allowed himself to actually stop to think about what was going on and how it was affecting him, so before he demanded they discuss everything, he had a lot of thinking to do.

Guilt was the first recognizable emotion he was harbouring. He should have been there for Nick when he needed him. He'd known Nick was spiraling downward emotionally and rather than put aside his own selfishness and stop to find out the cause of Nick's depression, he chose not to think about it. Chosing to pretend everything was okay and assuming that Nick would be able to handle things himself. He'd seen Nick's breakup with Paris coming from a mile away, the first sign being that Nick barely mentioned her for weeks in conversation. It had gone from Paris-this and Paris-that to 'her' and 'she' and most of the time no mention at all. If Nick had been as in love with her as he'd professed, it would have been HER Nick wanted to escape away with, not him and Justin. Kevin winced as his mind only further added the point that he had been neglecting Nick for his own selfish reasons.

The guilt only made room for more guilt, but that of a different nature. Kevin, although he refused to admit it even to himself, had been focusing more on one of his lovers than the other. If given the choice of who to call, he would favour one over the other, which went against one of the first 'rules' they'd made when deciding to make theirs a three way relationship, 'No Favourites'. Little by little, Kevin had begun to develop a favourite, all without his realizing it. It wasn't as if he was avoiding Nick, far from it, he had simply started to move closer to Justin, something he was just now realizing. In that moment, as he pictured Nick's face before him, his beautiful smile and captivating blue eyes, Kevin had the urge to cry. He missed Nick which only cultivated more guilt for having spent such little time with him recently. He'd hurt the one person who meant the most to him and when he needed him most, when all Nick needed was reassurance that he wasn't alone and that
 everything was going to be okay with the three of them, Kevin's pride had gotten in the way and he'd turned from him, from them. Again.

Kevin should have gone to see Nick that night, knowing the state of mind he'd been in and that he would need someone there, if only just to talk. But rather than head to Nick's neighborhood, his car turned away from the beach and towards Justin's house. The whole time he was driving a war was being waged between his head and his heart and Kevin wasn't sure who was fighting for which side. Somehow it had turned into Nick versus Justin and once again, Justin seemed to win because Kevin found himself sitting in Justin's driveway, staring up at his house.


The sight of Nick at Justin's should have been comforting, but it wasn't. Kevin felt a rush of jealousy and frustration but the only problem was he had no idea exactly who he was jealous of or what was causing the frustration. If he analyzed the situation he was probably most mad at himself because it only hit home the fact that Nick was in no shape to be alone, especially after the few days he'd had. Once again Kevin had chosen Justin over Nick when really there shouldn't have been a choice to make. He'd long ago vowed that nothing would ever come between him and Nick again, yet here he was finding that they were falling into a pattern that was all too familiar only this time it was HIM that was causing the damage, not someone else. But some part of him was jealous and angry that Nick had beat him there and his quiet evening with Justin had been ruined. That turned into anger and jealousy that Nick had gone to Justin and by the looks of it, was being comforted much better than if he
 had gone to Kevin.

They were fucked, and in that moment Kevin realized how much.

The easy thing would have been to accept the offer Justin was making. He'd clearly interrupted something that was leading to something more which would end up with them in bed, naked and sexually sated. The temptation was there, not only in Nick's eyes which were pleading with him to comply, but in Justin's as well which seemed to have a twinkle of uncertainty in their blue depths. In that moment, Kevin knew he couldn't. They couldn't just pretend that nothing was wrong, they had been doing that for the past few months and it hadn't gotten them anywhere. If anything, they had gone two steps forward and six back. No, before Kevin crawled back into bed with either of them they were going to have to sit down and discuss what they were trying so hard to sweep under the carpet.

Kevin had expected Nick to phone. Maybe not the next day, but at least a few days afterwards, if not only to establish some type of contact, but at least let Kevin know he was still breathing. They always checked in with each other every few days, yet no call had been forthcoming. Even Justin had seemed to be missing in action, which only led Kevin to believe that the two of them were avoiding him for a reason. He knew that leaving before either of them woke up wasn't the wisest thing to do, but he needed some time. Time and distance. He couldn't think rationally with both of them so close and memories flooding his mind. Now he was regretting leaving, they might have been able to sit down at breakfast and talk about things over a pot of coffee. With him not there, Kevin thought that Nick and Justin probably talked things through finding a solution that didn't include him. That thought hurt Kevin more than he wanted to admit.

It was the morning of the fifth day with no word from Nick or Justin that Kevin decided his fate was in his own hands. He phoned the one person outside of his two lovers that he knew he could count on. He called his ex.

"Kris? How are you?" Kevin's pulse was racing and he felt lightheaded. His anxiety was soothed at the first sound of her voice.

"Kevin? What's wrong, Baby?" Kristin always had a sixth sense where he was concerned and Kevin knew he'd made the right decision in calling her. "I've been wanting to call for the past week but things have been really crazy here. What's going on?"

Kevin shut off all of the lights in his bedroom, closed the blinds and crawled into bed with the covers pulled over his head. It was then that he put his life into perspective. "I..."

She waited patiently as he rambled, not saying anything important but just talking to have someone to talk to. He didn't know what to say or how to say it. Finally she broke in. "Baby, you're not making any sense which means you're really worked up about something and I can't do anything about it with you in LA and me in New York. So, you're going to get that skinny ass to the airport and catch the next flight up here. I'm going to wine and dine you, until you tell me what is going on with you, which I have a sneaking suspicion has to do with Nickolas." Kristin paused and Kevin didn't feel the need to refute the fact. She was right, and he knew she knew it. "Do you hear me Kevin Scott Richardson?"

Kevin sighed and allowed the corners of his lips to curl into a small smile. "I guess so."

If Nick and Justin could escape and hide out somewhere alone, then he sure as hell could stop being a lovesick girl and go somewhere too. It had been far too long since he'd seen Kristin, and in all honesty, he missed her. He had been so wrapped up in Justin and his solo deal, with Nick and Paris, and working through his confusing feelings towards both of them, that he'd neglected everything else in his life. It was time to take matters into his own hands and ensure that when everything was said and done, if he was alone, he would have something to move towards.

Dinner that night found him sitting in a restaurant in the upper east side. It was somewhere that he and Kris had frequented while he was doing Chicago, and she would come up to visit him while trying to decide what to do with her career. Now it was the other way around, she was in New York working and he was taking things one day at a time, unsure of what direction he was moving in. "You look good, Baby." Kevin whispered as he covered her hands with his own. They stared deeply into each other's eyes and she smiled as she blushed.

"Thank you. I love it here. When I would come to visit you, every time I'd leave it felt wrong. As if I was going backwards instead of forwards. A friend suggested I do a few auditions here and ...I'm happy here Kev. I don't think I'll be able to live here full-time but, for now, it's making me happy."

A small part of Kevin wished that he'd been able to make her happy, but they both knew it wasn't meant to be. Where they loved each other endlessly, he couldn't give her what she needed, and he'd tried. Initially, she'd blamed Nick for their failed relationship, but it was the difference she saw in Kevin that proved what he was saying was true. He loved her but wasn't in love with her. There was something missing in their relationship and for that he couldn't expect her to settle, not for second best. "If anyone deserves it, it's you Kris."

"I know. Thank you."

She wanted to know everything and he would tell her. He would tell her everything she wanted to know, and more, and in return he knew to expect her two cents. She would listen to him addressing his fears, his hopes and his desires. Kevin knew that when he started to talk to her, he would tell her things that even he didn't realize he was feeling, she had this way about her that made him talk no matter how scared he was. What he was most looking forward to was the conversation that would take place after. They would most likely fight and scream but it was how they communicated. They were both passionate people and in the end, what they did was out of love and concern for the other.

"You deserve to be happy too Kev."

Kevin wasn't so sure anymore.


~*~*~*~*~*

AJ's first concern was for the group and Nick completely understood where he was coming from. It was potentially disastrous and threatening to their professional careers, and it wasn't fair for Nick and Kevin to put the other guys' in that position. "Don't worry Aje, it won't fuck up the group."

"You say that now..."

Nick shook his head forcefully. "You don't understand. It won't fuck up the group, I won't let it. Kevin won't let it, you know that we're going to do everything we can to make sure that doesn't happen." Although he understood AJ's concerns, he was still a tad annoyed that AJ thought so little of him.

"Sometimes you just can't help it, and things get out of control, and before you know it you two aren't speaking, can't be in the same room together, and Brian, D and I are screwed because neither of you can keep it in your pants." At the stricken expression that appeared on Nick's face, AJ immediately stopped talking. He knew with that last sentence he'd gone too far and instantly regretted it. Before he could apologize Nick spoke.

"Fuck you."


"Nick.."

"NO!" Nick raised his voice, startling AJ. "You have no right. YOU of all people have no right to talk about keeping anything in your pants." Nick stood up from where he'd been sitting and hovered over AJ, who cowered back from him. AJ knew when to keep quiet and count his losses. He'd definitely lost any chance he'd been given for insight. "And don't think that you can even begin to understand what Kevin and I have. What Justin and I have. Before our lips had dried from our first kiss, Alex, Kevin and I talked this 'thing' to death. So, if coming to a conclusion in this means I lose, that I lose Justin and Kevin, that's a risk I knew I was taking. Yes, it will hurt; but it won't make me love either one of them less. And it sure as hell won't make me want to throw away everything we've been working for all these years. So, don't even try and pretend you have everything figured out."

AJ sighed as he solemnly nodded his head. Nick's speech wasn't simply for his benefit, AJ could tell by the emotion in his eyes, the way his hands were trembling, that he meant it. Nick was definitely right about one thing, he hadn't the slightest clue as to what was really going on with Nick, Justin, or Kevin. "I just don't like seeing you like this."

Nick laugh was sharp and loud as he rolled his eyes and walked towards the sliding door of the balcony. "You don't like seeing me like this? Where have you been Aje? It's nothing new."

There was two roads AJ could take in listening to Nick. Fight back, or just let him get out his anger. Smartly, AJ opted for the second road. The anger and frustration was normal, he knew not to be offended by Nick's cutting remarks. "I know, I'm sorry, Bro. It's just ... a part of me thought that Kevin and Justin would be a passing thing. That they would fuck each other out of their systems and that would be the end of their relationship.."

"But?"

Nick ran a shaking hand through his hair and the air whooshed out of his lungs. "He's falling for him."

AJ wanted to ask which "he" was falling for the other, but kept silent. Nick would get to it when he was ready.

"He's been pushing me away little by little and he thinks I haven't noticed but I have. Even when we're together, he's not one hundred percent with me. And it hurts, because until now I've been that guy for him and now he's got someone new."

"He being Justin?"

Nick shook his head. "No, Kev. I don't even know if Justin realizes how tightly he's got Kevin wrapped around his finger. But even worse, I don't know if Kevin realizes it either. And while it's great and wonderful that they're getting along and are happy, but what about me?"

"What about you? What do you want?"

"I wasn't sure before. I didn't know what I wanted..."

"But now you do?" AJ had a feeling that not only did Nick know what he wanted now but had come to it in a startling revelation. He seemed to be still working through the issue and he could sense how hard it was hitting him. When Nick didn't answer right away, AJ nodded and flashed him a sympathetic smile. "It's okay to be confused, Nick. It's okay to not have everything figured out."

"But I'm not confused, just hurt. Hurt to know that I'm too late, to know that in the end, someone's going to lose and right now I think it's going to be me." Nick stretched his back and neck and joined AJ on the large couch. He made himself comfortable and sat back resting his head on the back of the couch. "I should have told him before how I feel about him, that it was always more than casual but I was afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of him rejecting me. I'd rather have just a piece of him than nothing at all, so instead of risking having him end it entirely, I kept my feelings at bay and never told him. But now that I see him looking at..." Nick took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "It's changed. Everything's changed. We're all forever people and it can't keep going on the way it's going."

"Why not? I mean you guys seemed to be so happy in the beginning, when it was fun. What changed?"

Nick paused to mull AJ's comment over in his mind. What had changed? It was true, when they'd first gotten together everything was new and fun and there hadn't been this weight settled over them. Nick wondered when things had changed, but most of all why? Out of everyone Kevin or Justin could have chosen to be with, Nick was glad it was each other, if it couldn't be him, of course. He'd spent hours talking to Justin about Kevin, finding that the common lover had brought them closer together. The same could be said about Kevin, Justin becoming a topic of conversation many a night in bed after sex.

But then things changed.

Nick was being called less frequently. His services no longer seemed needed and the two men he was supposed to be in an equal relationship with had shifted the rules and his equal status had been altered. He could pin point exactly when things changed and it became less fun, when favourites had been chosen.

One of them had chosen a favourite.

Nick thought about that for a moment finding that it wasn't quite accurate. Only one had visibly chosen a favourite. He'd chosen as well but silently. He would never, as much as he could help it, visibly chose one over the other. Not until something had been said officially and they all had a chance to discuss it. But he had chosen and after that moment it was hard to not feel jealous, jealous that they were happy with someone else, that they had chosen someone else, that he was being quickly escorted out of the relationship and replaced with something lasting.

The thought caused for Nick's stomach to churn and the room to spin before him.

"Everything changed, that's what happened. I love both of them, I need both of them in my life but I can't pretend that I don't want to be with one over the other."

"So you're saying..?"

"I'm saying I want him forever, and I don't want to share him. I don't want to be shared."

AJ clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. This was something he'd never thought he'd hear Nick Carter, the king of anti commitments, say. It was just assumed that Nick would settle down with one person publicly, but also have his other relationships on the side. It didn't matter who he married, or who he chose to live his life, the one constant that AJ figured they could count on was the fact that Nick would still be fucking Justin Timberlake and Kevin Richardson on the side. But, in his defense, AJ did always believe that if one of them could rope Nick into a relationship, they were the only two people in the world with enough power to turn Nick monogamous. That, of course, would end up in THEM becoming monogamous as well and it was just too many variables for AJ to bet into. This truly WAS an enlightening trip away.

Nick could see the wheels turning in AJ's head and he laughed. "Fuck you. I'm not always a lying, cheating whore you know?"

AJ let out a laugh of relief and relaxed into the couch. "Well, we can usually smell our own so..."

"What are you talking about? You're not... on JC are you?"

AJ's eyes widened and a look of horror crossed his face. "Are you serious? Fuck no, I'm not stupid."

With a sigh of relief Nick nodded. "Good, because I'd seriously have to hurt you if you fuck that up."

"Don't think I don't know how lucky I am." They were silent for a few minutes, just enjoying the moment. "So, you gonna tell me who the lucky bachelor is?" AJ didn't expect Nick to divulge the big secret but thought he would ask all the same. The pain that appeared in Nick's eyes hurt him deeply.

"No, no point now. They're happy together and I love them both too much to break that up."

"But what if you're wrong? What if they haven't chosen..."

Nick shook his head and frowned. "You can't live your life in what ifs AJ." With that Nick stood up and informed AJ he was taking a shower. He was safely out of the room when AJ spoke next.


"But you can't live your life afraid to take a chance either Nicky."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"It just hurts that I didn't even stand a chance, Lance," Justin sighed as he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. It was sometime after lunch and his hangover had lessened considerably. The night before Justin and Lance had gone to one of the hottest new clubs and spent the night dancing with as many hot women as they could fit in, drinking anything and everything they could possibly order and forgetting everything that was darkening the mood. It had worked wonderfully, because there had been a few hours where Justin had completely forgotten about Nick Carter and Kevin Richardson, but he'd also forgotten his own name at the same time so he decided not to count it as a plus too quickly.

Lance reentered the living room and placed a cup of steaming tea on the coffee table beside Justin's head and resumed his position on the chair next to the couch. "Hmmm."

"Yeah, it's like I knew they're tight. Like crazy tight but I figured if they hadn't made things work yet, romantically I mean, they weren't interested in that."

"Maybe they aren't. Maybe they aren't interested in a romantic relationship more than what they've already got."

Justin shook his head, the motion causing for the room to tilt and his stomach to lurch. He closed his eyes and waited for everything to settle back down before sipping his tea and relaxing again. "I can't think of it like that. If they're going to push me off and forget about me, it has to be because they're in love, not because they just don't want me."

It was a valid point, one Lance had to agree with. Knowing that the people you loved most were leaving you for each other was one thing, but knowing that they were leaving you for no other reason than they didn't want you, was something entirely different. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the predicament his best friend was finding himself in. One thing for sure, Lance wouldn't trade positions with Justin for the world. "True enough. So what are you going to do?"

And there was the million dollar question, what Justin was going to do. "First off, I'm going to figure out where my head is."

"You don't know?" Lance found it hard to believe that Justin hadn't already anticipating this happening and having an alternate plan of action. "I mean, have you not once thought about this happening and what you wanted when it did?"

Justin's cheeks heated in embarrassment and he shrugged. "I've thought about it, but... at the same time haven't. I've enjoyed things the way they've been. Having both of them in my life..."

"If you had to chose one, which would you chose?"

Justin didn't know. Honest to god, he had no idea and his sheepish shrug conveyed that to Lance.

"Okay, so say you choose one and he decides that what he has with the other is what he wants, what then?"

Justin felt the bile rise in his throat and he shook his head, closing his eyes. He didn't want to think about it but he had. It had always been a possible outcome and as much as it would hurt, he'd respect their choice. "I'd live with it."

"But would it affect everything else?"

"Of course it would. It would change everything, no matter what we'd try to do to stop it. But I'll be damned if I'm going to lose them completely. It would take a bit of time, but I can't not have him in my life, either of them." Justin watched Lance raise a doubtful eyebrow and he rolled his eyes. "I've always known that's a distinct possibility, from the first night to our last kiss. From the moment I realized it was more than fun I've always known it could end at any moment. And like I said, it might take some time but I'd still want to be friends with him, with both of them. Too much shit has gone down to completely write them both off."

Lance still couldn't believe that Justin hadn't seriously thought before now which of his two lovers he would chose if given the choice. "And you seriously don't know who you want more? Who you'd want to be with exclusively?"

"It doesn't matter now anyways, they've chosen each other. I was stupid to think that what I had with either of them would be stronger than what they have together."

Lance shook his head slowly. "You know that's not true."

"Do I?"

Lance's jaw dropped and his eyes widened with Justin's ignorance. "You are joking right? You seriously have no idea..." He squinted his eyes and thought a few things over in his mind before speaking. Not only was Justin hung over, he was also emotionally wrecked, a powerful combination and for that, Lance would have to be very sensitive when addressing him. Even if he was being stupid. "You think it's because of the group and how close they've been for the past ten years that is winning out over whatever you might have with either of them? Right?"

Justin nodded. "Duh! How can I compete with the history they have?"

"What about Jayce and Chris?"

Justin shrugged. "What about 'em?" When Lance simply crossed his arms over his chest and stared at him Justin felt his skin prickle with awareness. He was missing something big here and just couldn't wrap his mind around it. "I'm tired and hung over like a bitch, just tell me what you want me to know rather than wait for me to get it okay!"

"You are seriously fucked up," Lance was serious but said it with affection.

JC and Chris. Chris and JC. Justin continued to run that thought through his mind over and over again until finally it clicked. "But they were just fucking around. It wasn't serious."

Lance raised an eyebrow. "Wasn't it?"

"Of course, if it was serious then how did AJ and...." Justin felt his stomach churn sickly and his head spin a little. Slowly, very slowly he sat up and sipped his tea, hoping it would soothe his troubled soul. It didn't. "Fuck."

"Exactly."

Suddenly his own problems were pushed to the back and Justin was thinking about his best friend and everything he'd missed that was going on around him. "So it wasn't just fun and games?"

"Not for Chris, he was so in love with Josh and Josh loved him too but it wasn't the same. They weren't exclusive and both of them knew it. Then JC started having his fling with AJ and Chris realized how much JC meant to him. They talked about it and Chris told him that he was in love with him and wanted more."

"That son of a bitch!" Justin felt a jolt of anger flash through him and Lance wondered which of them Justin was talking about. "He fucking broke Chris' heart!"

"AJ?"

Justin looked up confused, "JC. It's not AJ's fault JC was screwing with Chris' emotions." Lance's laughter brought Justin's attention back to him.

"Although the concern is appreciated, I'm sure, you're about two years late Jup. And he didn't break Chris' heart, not entirely anyways. It hurt, but he dealt with it. Fuck, are you seriously THAT self involved that you didn't know ANY of that had happened"

Justin refused to think about how selfish he was and what a bad friend he'd apparently been to those that mattered most to him. It was just one more thing to add to the guilt he was being plagued with at the moment and he was nearing his breaking point. "So?"

"Well Jayce and Chris were a little tense around each other for a while, but that was because they were getting used to the 'no touching' rule that they'd made for themselves. It's hard going from all to restricted access so it was a bit harsh at first, and Chris and AJ weren't exactly on the best of terms. Chris knew it wasn't his fault but he still felt it his right to hold a grudge, AJ understood of course and as you know they eventually moved past it."

"How?"

Lance started to laugh and roll his eyes. "Chris started fucking Nick actually."

Justin's face paled. "Oh."

"Yeah. But that just goes to show that history doesn't always mean everything. I laid my money on JC and Chris. Like yourself, I assumed that JC would pick Chris and ... well, you know how it turned out."

That gave Justin a sliver of hope until he'd remembered that he was there with Lance and Nick and Kevin were off somewhere together. "I don't think it's looking too good for me Lance."

Lance simply shook his head. "Well Jup, why don't you figure out what it is YOU want before you go assuming you know what THEY want. What if you don't want either of them? What if you're staying with them because they're safe and it means you don't have to risk your heart with someone new so they won't break it. I know that things with Brit ended badly, but not everyone is like that. Not everyone in this world is like Britney Spears and you're going to have to learn that sometime."

Justin closed his eyes and sighed. He did know that but what Lance didn't know was that he already had risked his heart. His relationship with Britney ending had been upsetting, but not as much as he'd played it up in the media. He hadn't been as upset with it because he'd known for a long time that she wasn't what he wanted, nor was she who he'd expected to live his life with. He'd been just having fun, waiting on the side lines until the person he'd really wanted realized he wanted him too. And he'd finally thought they were there at that point but now, now he wondered if he'd waited too long and lost everything.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"So you want him and that's the problem, or you don't want him and that's the problem?" They were curled up on the floor in front of Kris' fireplace drinking glass after glass of wine. The air between them wasn't sexual but more so comfortable, something that Kevin was grateful for. There had been a sliver of a thought that going to New York to see Kris in such a state of despair would only end in disaster, with the two of them falling immediately into bed with each other. But as the night wore on and they drank more and more, it was increasingly clear that they had successfully moved from lovers to friends without any residual tendencies.

One more person added to the mix was sure to put Kevin over the edge.

"The problem is that I'm not supposed to want him, not like this and not to this degree. It was supposed to be easy and fun and just something..."

"God help you if you say to pass the time. NO ONE should be used to 'pass the time' Kevin Scott." Kristin's voice rose and Kevin winced at the anger there. He failed to admit that he was just about to use that exact phrase. It sounded so harsh and tasteless coming from her lips, knowing that it was so much more than that. He hated the fact that he had, until that moment, forced himself to believe it was just a relationship to 'pass the time'. Kevin's mood darkened further.

"Is there anything I can do to fuck up my life any more Kris?" He received a look of disbelief in response.

"I know you're not asking me that question Kevin. You haven't fucked up anything up. You've followed your heart, thrown caution to the wind and lived your life the way YOU want to do it. If you wanted safe and zero risk you would have stayed with me and we'd have gotten married like we'd planned. THAT would have been fucking up your life. I would have been more disappointed in you for taking the easy way out than had you done what you knew your heart wanted you to do."

Kevin nodded, feeling the wine start to seep into his bloodstream. Everything was starting to develop a fuzzy haze and he felt the alcohol relaxing him. It would be temporary, but at the moment he needed something. Anything.

"Why can't you love him?"

"Because he doesn't love me back." Kevin said it with such conviction that Kristin knew he believed what he was saying and it was causing him insurmountable pain. She didn't believe a word of it. She wasn't sure which of the two children he was talking about, but it didn't matter. Kevin was a hard man not to love and she doubted that neither of them felt as strongly about Kevin as he did them. Especially not Nick who she knew loved Kevin more than any single person on the face of the earth. Kevin had been his whole world for so long that Nick's life without Kevin wouldn't be a life at all.

"Taking into consideration I don't know who you're talking about Kev, I still can't believe that he doesn't love you back."

"Not how I want him to. He loves...." Kevin sighed and shook his head. "He loves him. They all love him. And I've fucked it all up, went about everything the wrong way. I thought that starting this thing between the three of us was the smart thing to do. I could have him but share him at the same time and I wouldn't be left out in the cold, but that's what's happened. And now I've lost both of them."

"You didn't lose them Kev."

"You're right. You can't lose something that wasn't yours to begin with."

Kristin stood up and went into the kitchen, returning with another bottle of wine in her hand. She poured herself a glass and topped Kevin's off, before sitting down and watching him with cautious eyes. "You know what, Kevin? I have never seen this side of you before and I have to admit, it isn't attractive. You've never, in all the time we've known each other, been that person. You've never been the 'poor me', 'I suck' type of man and yet here you are, bawling like a fucking pussy because you're too afraid to fight for what you want." She could tell she'd gotten his attention and flashed him a sardonic smirk. He sat up, frowning at her with contempt in his eyes. "Did that get your attention?"

"Fuck you."

"No Kevin, fuck you. Fuck this whole hopeless thinking shit. If you want him, get him. Fight for him. At least fucking tell him you want him, so he can choose. Maybe he doesn't know he has more than one option. What are you most afraid of? Telling him you love him and having him reject you, or telling him you love him and having him tell you he loves you back?"

Rage was welling up in Kevin's bloodstream and he felt his whole body tense. She had no right to talk to him this way and sure as hell had no place in telling him what he did or did not feel. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. You're going on about how in love with him you are, but does he know you're in love with him?" Kris watched the range of emotions play on Kevin's face and waited for him to respond. "Does he?"

"Of course he knows, he has to."

"You can't assume anything Kevin. If you haven't told him how you're feeling you can't expect him to know it. And you can't blame either of them for hooking up when you haven't even put yourself in the race."

Kevin knew she was right but it didn't make hearing it any easier. Her question repeated itself in his head over and over again and he wondered what he was so afraid of. She had also been correct in saying that he never let anything go without a fight, and if he was so in love, then why wasn't he fighting it. Kevin just didn't know the answers and it was all spinning around in his head. Kristin must have sensed his overload because she sat down beside him and pulled him into her arms, hugging him tightly.

"Baby, it's just not like you to be like this. You're not the type of man who takes anything laying down, unless that's exactly how you want it and I can see how much this is tearing you up." Tears began to flow from the corners of Kevin's eyes and before either of them knew it he was sobbing violently on her lap. It was too much to take, emotions had been running too high for too long and the familiarity of being with Kristin so intimately, everything that had been going on between him and Justin, him and Nick and Nick and Justin, not to mention the copious amounts of alcohol he'd had that evening slammed into him like a brick wall.

Kristin allowed for a few tears of her own to fall from her eyes as she silently wiped them away. There had only been two other times in the duration of their friendship and relationship that she'd seen Kevin so emotional, the first when his father had passed away and the second the night she'd returned his engagement ring and informed him that she needed time alone. It was at that moment she realized he hadn't been lying, she couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through his mind.

By the time his tears had subsided and the sobs had quieted, Kevin was exhausted. Feeling embarrassed was not even an issue, he simply sat up and softly kissed Kris' lips. "Thank you." It was as he looked into her eyes he saw the pain reflected at him. He knew, in that moment, that her love for him hadn't dissipated any. She loved him as much now as she had when they were 'blissfully happy' together and he silently thanked God for keeping her in his life. As much as this was killing her, she was strong enough to be there when he needed her and for that he would be eternally grateful.

"You don't have to thank me, Sweetie." Kristin wiped Kevin's cheek gently before running her fingers through his hair. "I just have one question for you before we close this topic for the night."

Kevin could only nod.

"What happens if he chooses someone else? What if they stay together, without you?"

"Then I wish them the best of luck, congratulate them, and walk away. I'm not going to fuck things up with them, I love them both too much for that. It will hurt, and it will make working with Nick hard but it's hard anyways so it's just one more thing we'll be working through. You know?" Kristin nodded and Kevin trembled at the thought of them being together without him, forever. "It's going to hurt like a mother fuck, but I knew that from the get go. It was always a possibility, it's always been a possibility and as long as they're happy, I'm happy."

"That's bullshit," Kris said. "You can say that all you want but in the end, you want him. YOU want him to be happy with you."

"Of course I do, I'm not fucking crazy."

"That's still yet to be proven."

They shared a soft smile and Kevin pulled Kristin into his arms. "Can we not talk about this anymore tonight? I'm too wrecked to handle any more."

Kristin nodded, standing up on unsteady legs. She pulled Kevin up with her and hugged him comfortingly. "You want to sleep with me tonight?"

As much as he probably shouldn't, Kevin did. If not just to have the feeling of someone beside him, someone who cared about him and loved him. "Please."

"We'll sleep late, lounge around tomorrow and if you want to talk about this more, we can. But if you don't, we don't have to. You set the pace and you're welcome to stay as long as you want. But just know, if you're still here in a month and you haven't done anything about this, I'm going to kick your ass."

Kevin knew she would and was thankful for that. He didn't want to crawl into a shell and forfeit any chance at having what he wanted because he was afraid and hurt. "Sounds like a plan to me."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Two weeks had passed and surprisingly, Nick and AJ had actually done a lot of groundwork for when they decided to get back into the studio and start recording. They'd hooked up with half a dozen producers and DJs, doing some research on avenues they'd been interested in taking their sound down.

Two weeks had passed, and Justin hadn't done much more than party with Lance, record his CD and do whatever he could to forget about the aching pain he was feeling in his chest at the fact that not only had Nick or Kevin not called him, but they hadn't been heard from or seen in over two weeks, only furthering his belief that they were secluded somewhere together.

Two weeks had passed and Kevin had cut himself off entirely from anything and everything media related. He'd taken to early morning runs in Central Park before going to one of his favourite delis to grab something for breakfast when Kristin woke up. He would then spend his afternoons lounging around the city and evenings sitting in or going to small, out of the way cafes or diners for dinner.

Coincidentally, it was the same day that all three decided it was time to resurface. Well for Nick and Kevin to resurface, for Justin it was to face the one thing he'd been avoiding for the past two weeks.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It started with Justin needing something and Lance having to phone JC to get it. Justin would have done it himself but he had to stop by the pharmacy to get more Tylenol to do something about the 'fucking pounding drums in my head, yo!". Lance agreed to make the phone call and see what he could do. By the time he'd finished with the small talk, Lance had forgotten what it was he'd called for. "What's up, you sound rushed Jayce." Lance commented. It sounded like JC was in a wind tunnel.

"I'm running through the airport, I'm fucking late and they're going to kill me. What's up?" JC stopped at an arrival screen, quickly checking the status on incoming flights from Heathrow. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the flight that AJ and Nick were on was running almost an hour behind schedule. He was half an hour late so really he only had a half an hour now to wait for them.

"Who's going to kill you?"

"No one now, their flight is late, so it's all good. Thank god for small miracles." JC took a few breaths to regulate his racing pulse and continued when he could talk without wheezing. He faintly heard Lance chuckling at his end. "What are you laughing at?"

"You, how predictable you are but it always seems to work in your favour. Only you would be half an hour late for something only to find out that you're half an hour early because there's a one hour delay." They shared a knowing laugh. "Who are you picking up though?"

JC found the right gate and sat down, stretching his legs. AJ had told him the story and said that since they were coming back their disappearance was no longer a secret. "Aje and Nick. They're flying in from London."

At the sound of Nick's name Lance's stomach dropped and his mouth went dry. "Nick? As in Carter?"

"No, as in Lachey. Yes Nick Carter. What's the matter?"

"Nick's with AJ in London?"

"He was until this morning. Why? What's the problem?" JC felt the hairs on his arms stand on edge and he knew something was going on. Lance didn't answer and so he tried again. "You've got twenty five minutes to tell me what the problem is or I ask Nick myself."

"How.." Lance suddenly had a feeling that there had been yet another moment of miscommunication and things had gotten screwed up. "How long has Nick been there?"

"Two weeks. He and Aje left, top secret. Nick needed to get away, so they just disappeared. Went over to check out some producers or something." JC was relieved that he'd finally learned the true nature of the trip. When they had left two weeks earlier, JC had been told a story that he hadn't believed. It seemed too constructed at the time, but refused to think too much about it because if he did, he would have wondered if AJ was cheating on him. Thankfully AJ had phoned a few days ago and explained everything, finally telling him when they'd be back.

"He wasn't with Kevin?"

"Uhh, no. From what I was told Kevin's off with Justin right now. Has been for three weeks."

A sound similar to a strangled whimper escaped from Lance's mouth and he closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning. "Jayce, Justin's been here with me."

"Weird. Nick was under the firm belief that Justin and Kevin took off together and he wanted to get away for a while, just clear his head."

"I've... Uhhhh I've gotta go." Lance was still fighting the urge to scream and bang all three men's heads into the wall repeatedly. "When you guys drop Nick off, can you and AJ swing by my house? I think we've got some shit to discuss. These three are going to be the death of us."

"Of course. I'll call when we're on our way."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

JC dropped him off in his expansive driveway and Nick opened his door long enough to throw his bag through the front door and reset the security alarm. He pulled the keys to his bike out of his backpack, started it up and sped away towards the one person he desperately needed to see right now. He was exhausted from the flight and the time change was fucking his system up large, but two and a half hours later he found himself at Chris' house in the country, thankful when he saw signs of someone being home.

"Carter, where you been?"

"London." Nick waited for a response. When none came he clarified himself, "England."

"I didn't think you meant Ontario."

Nick cocked his head to the side, confused look on his face. He didn't get it.

"There's a city in Ontario, Canada called London." Nick still didn't look phased. Chris shook his head. "Never mind, you look beat. Come on in."

Nick went in, headed wordlessly to Chris' bedroom and stripped his clothes off before climbing under the sheets and falling asleep. He'd tell Chris why he was there in the morning. Tomorrow morning.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"So Justin isn't with Kevin right now?" AJ asked incredulously. Lance shook his head and JC bit his lip deep in thought. "Well doesn't that just suck donkey balls!"

"If Kevin isn't with Nick, and he isn't with Justin, then where the hell has he been for the past three weeks?" Lance asked. This whole scenario felt as if it were lifted from a really bad soap opera and he had to shake off the feeling of apprehension and fatigue. It was JC who provided the missing insight.

"You'd think that since we're all so high profile that we'd be more in tune with the news, but apparently we're not because it's been all over the papers and MTV that he's in New York. Been there for..."

"Three weeks?" AJ asked to which JC nodded. "How could we have missed this?"

"How often do you watch MTV AJ?"

AJ shrugged and Lance nodded. "See? Shit, this has all been one big misunderstanding."

"So what do we do?" JC asked. When he received two blank looks in return he rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me neither of you expected to intervene? If that's the case, then what the hell are we doing here?"

"Nick's not going to make the first move. He's too hurt," AJ stated deep in thought.

"So's J," Lance agreed.

"And knowing Kevin, he's probably not going to do anything until he knows what's going on with J and Nick. Odds are that if Nick thought that Kevin and J had gone off together, and J thought that Kevin and Nick had gone off together, then Kevin was thinking the same thing about them and so they each took off and tried to do what they could to deal with the pain of being left out."

"They're like children," AJ noted as he held his lover close. He knew exactly what Nick, Kevin and Justin were all going through, and thankfully, it had worked out in his favour. He wasn't sure which of the three men he felt the worst for, because honestly, it was a toss up of what was going to happen in the end. "But I agree, we need to at least get them all together in the same room."

"Somewhere public where they can't fight or cause a scene, but somewhere that they can't run from either."

"I don't think they'll run," JC said softly. "They want to talk, but don't want to be the one to make the first move. It's hard enough for them, but if given the opportunity, I know they'll stay and work it out."

All three men nodded in agreement. "Sounds good. And this is what we're going to do."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kevin checked his messages to find a lot of crap he should have just deleted without listening to. It was the last message that caught his attention. It was from AJ mentioning that he'd just gotten back from London and had some ideas to go over regarding the new CD. Kevin felt a familiar sense of excitement about getting back into the studio and working again that prompted him to call his band mate immediately. "Aje?"

"Kev, where you been bro?"

"New York. Went up to visit Kris for a while." Kevin was proud he'd said it without faltering.

"You feeling relaxed and ready to get back into the studio?"

"Fuck yeah I am." The first truth Kevin had said in a long time and meant it. "What's up?"

AJ gave him the plan. Meet at a favourite restaurant of AJ's at around 8pm and he'd go over everything there. He'd spoken to Brian and Howie already about it, Nick's name not mentioned by either man. Kevin agreed to be there and for the first time in a month, Kevin's mind was on something other than his romantic problems.

Nick was the second one to be invited, but it was Chris who was selected to do the dirty work. Lance had phoned and told Chris to make sure that Nick was at a certain restaurant at a certain time. He was to tell him whatever it took to get him there, but he had to go alone. When Chris refused to participate Lance promised that he'd explain everything over dinner, his treat, open bar, but Chris had to just trust him. Chris had to admit his performance was stunning, Oscar worthy. Not only would Nick be there at eight, but he'd be slightly dressed up. All Chris could think about was how he was going to spend Lance's money, it had been a while since he'd been treated for a night on the town.

Lance phoned Justin once Nick and Kevin were confirmed to be in attendance. "J, what's the plan for tonight, Bro?"

Justin stretched, yawning. "No clue. What do you feel like tonight?" In all honesty he didn't feel like actually going out, but it had been him doing the asking for the past few weeks and he was pleased that Lance was phoning him for a change.

"How about dinner? Eight o'clock?"

Justin agreed but was a little confused when Lance gave him the directions to the restaurant. It wasn't any of Lance's usual choices but he just figured that he was branching out a little. Justin shrugged and told him he'd be there at 8, or something close to eight.

Lance hung up the phone sighing in relief. "Okay, they're all going to be there. Now we just wait and hope it all turns out according to plan." AJ and Josh nodded as they exchanged apprehensive glances.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kevin was the first to arrive at the restaurant. He looked around for AJ, frustrated when he didn't find him. It was just like AJ to not be there when he said he would and Kevin wondered how long he'd be waiting for him to show up. He waited for the M'aitre D to return to his post and smiled as the man approached him. "I'm here for McLean." The man checked his list and smiled warmly.

"Oh yes, you are the first to arrive, Sir. I'll take you to the table."

Kevin nodded, distracted by the door opening behind him. In a reflex movement, he turned around to see who had entered the restaurant, his stomach dropping to his knees at the sight of the person stepping in. Kevin felt his whole body react and he fought the urge to run.

Nick stepped into the restaurant and inhaled the familiar scent. It had been a while since he'd been here, although never with Chris so he was a little suspicious as to why Chris insisted on taking him to dinner here. It was more of a restaurant that AJ frequented but Nick assumed that Chris had been talking to JC who had suggested it from the countless times AJ had mentioned it. He was tired of thinking, he just wanted to be out for a nice dinner with Chris and enjoy the moment. It was when he was about fifty feet away that Nick noticed Kevin standing there, watching him like a deer caught in the headlights. Nick felt his stomach roll a few times.

"Kevin?" It was amazing how strong his voice sounded when his whole body was shaking.

"Nick?"

Both wanted to know what the other was doing there but couldn't voice their questions. It was too much to be standing there, face to face after weeks apart unsure of where they stood with one another. The M'aitre D broke the silence between the two men. "Can I help you sir?"

"I'm meeting a friend here. Kirkpatrick?"

The man checked his list and smiled. "Well, it appears that your whole party is almost here. If you'll both follow me you're under the same reservation."

Both Nick and Kevin turned their heads to look at the gentleman who was waiting to seat them. "Excuse me?" Nick asked. The man was halfway through the restaurant so they had no choice but to follow him, both wondering what was going on. They hurried to catch up finding themselves to be stashed away in a semi private area of the restaurant.

"Misters McLean and Kirkpatrick insisted that you be placed in a relatively private section as you have business to discuss. Your other guest should be here any moment as should your waiter. Good evening, Sirs."

The air between them was awkward, neither man knowing what to say. Kevin wanted to reach out and touch Nick, pull him close, tell him everything he'd been thinking but nothing at all at the same time. He was overwhelmed with emotions and felt as though he was being pulled into an emotional hurricane. As he stared into Nick's eyes, he saw that the younger man was finding himself in the same predicament. Kevin couldn't help but wonder how things had gotten to this point.

"How are you?" Nick asked softly. He nervously looked into Kevin's eyes for a few seconds before averting his eyes again and picking at his napkin on his lap.

"I'm okay. You?"

"Good. Good."

Justin's voice broke into the silence, causing both Nick and Kevin's heads to snap up.

"Other members of my party are here? Who, besides Lance, am I meeting?" The question died on Justin's lip as he was led to the back corner and saw the two men sitting at the table waiting. It was as if he'd been kicked in the gut and Justin stopped immediately, his feet not allowing him to walk any further. "Oh." The sound came out with more disappointment and less excitement than he'd intended. At least he knew they were back from their romantic getaway. He forced his feet to move and took the empty seat, smiling shyly at both men.

Nick looked back and forth from Kevin to Justin, unsure of why everything was so tense and strained between them all. Their waiter came by a few minutes after Justin was seated and took drink orders, the gentlemen still needed time to peruse the menus.

In a move that was purely stalling, they silently went over their menus, refusing to look up for any extended period of time. It was only when the waiter took the menus back, and they were left with nothing else but each other, did they talk.

"So, how are you both doing?" Nick asked, the reminder that they'd been away together for the past few weeks aching deep in his stomach.

"Okay, you know how it is." Justin assumed that Nick was referring more to him than Kevin seeing that he knew how Kevin was doing. He was going to make this okay between him if it was the last thing he did. He wanted them to know that they could be open and honest with their decision to push him out and were going to have to move past it to be friends again, even if it was killing him inside. "How about you both? What's going on with you?"

"Not much, was in New York for a while..." Kevin started, assuming that Justin was asking him.

"Bit tired from the jet lag, but I love being in London so it's always worth it." Nick spoke at the same time as Kevin, resigned to not comment on how they'd gone off together without him. He saw the look of confusion on Justin's face and paused.

"What's wrong, J?" By this time Kevin had stopped talking too and they were both looking at Justin who was staring back and forth at them.

"What did you both just say?" That couldn't have been right. Kevin had just said he was in New York and Nick had mentioned London. They'd both started talking at the same time, probably not wanting to admit to him that they'd snuck off somewhere together.

"That I've been up in New York for the past few weeks." Kevin looked at Justin then at Nick who shrugged.

"Now you Nick, what did you just say?"

"Uhhh, I have jet lag? London's worth the week it takes my body to get back to normal when I return? I don't know?"

Justin watched Nick and Kevin shrug to one another and felt heat overwhelm his entire body. He began speaking in hushed tones before he could even register what he was saying. "You know, I don't care that you both went off together without me and didn't even fucking tell me you were going. I don't care that neither of you have even bothered to phone for the past two weeks, but at least don't fucking lie to me."

Nick's gut clenched and he took a quick sip of water. "We what?" He asked when he could speak again. "We weren't together."

Justin raised an eyebrow and Nick looked at Kevin for help.

"What? We weren't together. When YOU TWO went off together, didn't phone, didn't say good-bye and kicked me to the curb, I asked Aje if he wanted to get away for a while with me. So we hopped a plane and went to London. I figured if I was going to be dumped by both of you, I might as well..."

"What? Find someone new?" Justin said angrily. He was still feeling residual bitterness between AJ and finding out that he'd come between Chris and Josh so long ago.

Nick's face went white and he averted his eyes to stare at a point on the wall. He waited for the anger and the shame to pass before he spoke, that wasn't what they needed right now. Somewhere things had gotten a little mixed up between the three of them and if they didn't get to the bottom of it soon, it was going to tear them apart. "No. I figured I might as well get away and deal with the fact that you two had decided you wanted to be together without me. If I tried to put distance between us all, it would make it hurt less and it wouldn't feel like my heart was being torn out and thrown in a blender and when you guys finally told me that you'd decided to be together exclusively, I could at least be happy for you we'd still be friends." He'd gone to nurse his broken heart and hoped that Justin and Kevin realized that from his ramblings.

Justin closed his eyes and silently screamed at himself for lashing out at Nick the way he had. It was twice he'd commented on Nick's sexual history and twice he'd seen that same look of pain flash across his eyes. It seemed that all he was doing lately was hurting Nick and hated himself for it. "I'm sorry."

Nick shrugged, assuming that Justin was apologizing because he'd been right and they were together, without him. "It's okay. It hurts but I have to get used to it right? It'll just take some time." Nick took another sip of his water and willed his tears away. "So how was New York?" Nick looked at Justin instead of Kevin when he asked the question. Justin shrugged in response.

"How should I know?"

"Kevin said something about New York." They both turned to look at Kevin as Justin responded to Nick's question.

"I wasn't in New York, I was here in LA, with Lance, for the past few weeks."

Kevin, during the duration of the younger men's discussion, realized that the past few weeks had been nothing but a complete and utter miscommunication. Nick had gone to England, and judging from Justin's ignorance of Nick's plans, he'd gone without the younger man. Kevin knew that neither of them had been with him, and if they weren't together.. then where had everyone been? Justin had spent the whole time thinking that he and Nick had been together, where at the same time he'd been thinking Nick and Justin had been together. And from what Nick had said earlier about needing to get away and mend his heart, he was under the assumption that he'd been left behind. Kevin couldn't help but shake his head in dismay. "It's true, I was there alone with Kris."

"So... you two weren't?" Justin asked, eyes wide and pulse racing.

"No." Kevin answered. He put his head in his hands and tried to clear his mind. "It appears that we all thought the others had left us behind.

At that moment, the waiter appeared with their food, setting it on the table in front of them. Suddenly, none were all too hungry anymore. Silence fell upon the table as they each had a million and ten thoughts and emotions swirling through their minds.

"I wouldn't do that you know." Nick said softly, not looking at either man.

"Wouldn't do what?"

"Take off with one of you without at least letting the other know what was up."

Justin sighed softly as he played idly with his fork and knife. "Neither would I. I wouldn't want to hurt either of you like that."

"We obviously thought it though. I mean, I seriously thought you both had gone off together and left me behind, so that must say something... .right?" Kevin asked. "How little we know each other, really?"

"I guess." No one wanted to think about that.

The next question was what it meant, and Nick had no idea. It seemed that all they were doing lately was hurting each other and Nick hated that. Nick hated knowing that Justin had been hurting as much as he had those two weeks, Kevin too. He knew how hard it had been for him to think that they were off together, so knowing that both of his lovers were experiencing the same thing was just as painful if not more. Something had to be done.

"So what do we do now?" Justin's voice was small and he discreetly slid his hands under the table, resting one on Nick's thigh and the other on Kevin's. He gave both a gentle squeeze, his pulse picking up when Nick took one hand and Kevin took the other.

"We figure out what's going on with us." Nick answered honestly. "We're just hurting each other and ourselves and it can't go on that way. He recieved to nods in agreement. "But we can't have that conversation here. I think we've already pushed the envelope on what's considered safe public topics of discussion. So we enjoy our dinner together and take things one day at a time." It was going to take a bit more than finding out Justin and Kevin hadn't been together to patch things up between them. Their trust had been tested and all had failed. They'd all automatically assumed the worst of each other and that wasn't something they could deal with lightly. He loved both of the men sitting in front of him, but they had a lot of work head of them to get things back to where they needed to be.

Kevin, although not realizing it, was thinking the same thing Nick was. He was relieved to hear that they hadn't been off without him, but it saddened him to think that they would hurt him like that. That he thought they were capable of being that type of person to hold such disregard of his feelings, and it was something he was going to have to look deep within himself for answers to. This was not something that would be healed over night.

It was agreed upon and they began to eat their dinner, all three men thinking about the fact that in the past few weeks' they'd done a lot of thinking and knew what they wanted. Knew where their heart truly laid and that in the end, someone was going to get hurt.

All three silently prayed that the one they chose, chose them as well.

Finis

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