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Title: Sometimes Life Happens at the Most Inopportune Moments
Author: Jules
Part: 1/1
Series: 6 of One Way Or Another Series
Pairing: Nick/Kevin/Justin
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Fiction. Yeah. Fiction.
Warnings: Slash warning. Bigroupal warning
Notes: You Chris Lovers are going to LOOOOVE this part. This is for you *smooches*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There are some things that Nick just can not explain, let alone understand. Like how crop fields get those crazy alien designs, or how the ancient mystics could foresee the future without any understanding of how the world really worked let alone knowing that the earth was round and not flat, or why he screamed Kevin's name while having sex with Paris. The first two mysteries he could maybe come up with a half assed excuse for. He could bullshit his way through the conversation if necessary, but he knew his fate was doomed the second Paris stopped moving on top of him and his cock twitched at that pivotal moment as he was about to go over the edge of his orgasm. He tried to keep going, thrust up into her as his thumb rubbed playfully over her clit and his other hand stroked her left breast seductively but she wasn't having any of it, face set like stone like as she glared down on him.

Had he been with some guy and called Kevin's name out, it would have made sense. Or even Justin's name because it happened to everyone at one point or another, but the fact that he was fucking Paris, a WOMAN and he still was thinking about Kevin, Nick knew he was in deep shit. There was no getting out of it and as he had the wind knocked out of him, Nick wondered if maybe it was for the best.

"I'm sorry, did the fact that I have breasts and a pussy not tip you off that you're not fucking Kevin?"

Nick wondered why, if she was as mad as her tone of voice indicated she was, she hadn't climbed off of him. Instead, she still sat on him, his cock still lodged deep inside of her. She moved to the side slightly and he felt his cock twitch, his release still impending. Despite the tension in the room, his erection hadn't died down at all, that could have been due to the fact that Nick's mind was still on Kevin and how he'd been thinking about the older man being the one to ride him.

Pain shot through his body straight to his cock and his eyes opened quickly. Paris had twisted a nipple roughly and that was the stimulation he needed to let go, his cock exploding into the condom, the orgasm washing over him. Nick fought not to twitch and shake too much seeing that he'd cum and she seemed far from it but he couldn't help it. The smile that made it to his lips was most definitely ill received.

"You're still fucking thinking about him. Aren't you?" Her voice was hard and accusing.

Nick couldn't lie, "Yes" he answered without opening his eyes as he tried to regain his breath. Now that he'd cum the weight of her sitting on him was uncomfortable and Nick needed his space. He rolled them over so that he slid from her and they were both laying on their sides on the bed. Normally he would have ensured that she'd cum as well but it was her that had stopped, not him, and she didn't seem as though she would have appreciated his effort all that much anyways. Minutes had passed and he could still feel her eyes on him. "Fuck. What?"

"Don't you dare get pissy with me. I was fucking you, you were fucking someone else. If anyone has a right to be mad it's me." Paris got out of the bed and picked her clothes up from the floor. "You know, it's not the first time you've called his name out."

Nick was genuinely surprised at that. Or was he surprised that this was the first she'd mentioned of it? He'd wondered before if he'd called her name or someone else's before but she'd never said something so he figured he had just been overly paranoid before. Now he wondered if he hadn't actually done it. "Look, I'm sorry."

Her eyes narrowed and Nick actually flinched. There wasn't a hint of remorse in his voice, only resignation. "Don't you fucking patronize me. You are such a selfish asshole."

Now Nick really was getting upset. She had no right to talk to him the way she was, especially when she knew that she wasn't the only person he was fucking. It was one of the first things he'd told her when they'd gotten together and she'd never minded. Sometimes he wondered if she didn't get off on it just a little, and so there had never been a problem with their extra curricular sexual activities seeing they both had people on the side. But now that he thought about it she'd long since given up her other fuck buddies and had been exclusively with him for quite some time. Something he hadn't asked nor particularly wanted her to do. "Don't start with me Paris. You know I'm with Kevin.."

"And Chris, and Justin and from what I hear anyone else who'll lay down and spread for you."

All Nick had to do was raise an eyebrow and she stopped talking, realizing she'd gone to far. No, his sexual record wasn't exactly the cleanest, but at least he'd managed to not have it on the Internet for anyone with the ability to right click to see. When they'd hooked up, Nick saw their pasts as something that brought them closer together, they both knew where the other was coming from and so he didn't have to worry about her judging him. Apparently he'd overestimated her because it kind of sounded like she was calling him a whore. He crossed his arms over his chest and was surprised to see her break down, tears forming in her eyes. Knowing her as well as he did, Nick marveled at how they were real tears, not manipulative tears. It was too late, the damage was done and she'd be gone within the hour, but still he couldn't help the way his heart strings tugged just a little. Unable to help himself, he pulled her into his arms and comforted her. "Sweetie.."

"I'm sorry Nicky, I didn't mean it. I'm just so confused." Paris trembled in his arms and Nick wondered if she knew their relationship was over.

"About?" Nick wasn't too sure that he wanted to hear where this was going.

"You tell me you love me but you love them too. And I know how much you love Justin and Kevin so don't even try to tell me it's just sex. It's never really just sex with you, you make it seem like it is but it's not. Maybe the groupies or the one night things are just sex, but the moment you invite someone back into your bed a second time it's more. And.. well you invited them away with you on your vacation, they're always the first ones you call or run to if something's wrong and I know we promised that we wouldn't fall in love or make this more than it needed to be but my needs have changed." Paris met Nick's eyes and nodded at the surprise in his eyes. She let out a sharp laugh that voiced her disbelief in what she was saying. "I know, Baby. I'm sorry but I love you, really love you. You could be my one and..." more tears fell from her eyes, "and you don't feel the same way. You're never going to feel the same way."

"Damn," Nick whispered under his breath, holding Paris tighter. He'd never imagined her falling in love with him let alone feeling inadequate. This was so far off from how he'd thought things were going to go that he didn't know where to begin. "I'm sorry, Baby."

She pulled away and shook her head. "Don't, don't be sorry. I knew what I was getting myself into. I never thought I'd fall in love with you either, I mean, I don't do love." Paris let out a soft laugh. "Well I never did love until you. But your heart isn't yours to give away." Her hand covered his chest and she splayed her fingers out regretfully.

There were so many things that Nick felt he should say, but couldn't form a complete thought to voice any of them. Instead, he pressed his lips against hers in a soft, gentle kiss. She was asking for more than he could give, to anyone. Truth be told, Nick wasn't sure if he could do the commitment thing, one person forever. At least not now, and that was all he was focusing on, the present. It was an awful thought, but if Nick couldn't commit to Justin or Kevin exclusively, he sure as hell wasn't going to be committing to Paris. Not because she wasn't enough for him, it wasn't that. If he was different, if they'd hooked up a few years earlier they might have had at least a fighting chance, but everything happened with Mandah and the string of girls after Mandah and it left Nick with the firm belief that the ideal marriage wasn't for him. And that's what all girls really wanted, at least the girls he seemed to attract. Paris was the closest thing to a normal relationship that Nick
 would ever find, a normal heterosexual relationship anyways and even in the beginning stages Nick knew that it was only a matter of time before they ended up here, both naked standing face to face in his bedroom with nowhere to go but apart.

"I never meant for it to happen this way." Nick said softly. His eyes darted from object to object, never lingering for more than a few seconds yet never making direct contact with Paris' inquisitive gaze. He knew she was expecting him to fight for them, to profess his ability to change and be what she needed him to be but he couldn't do that. He couldn't lie to either one of them and that would be what he'd be doing. They both knew that a relationship with one of the other guys, his or Nsync's would be virtually impossible and at least with her he was stable, from a media point of view any ways.

Nick flinched when Paris gently touched his cheek. He expected a slap, some sort of angry response but when he looked into her eyes he saw acceptance. As though she'd known all along but was staying around for the sheer hope that things might have ended differently. Confident that she wasn't going to strike him he leaned into the touch and gave a small smile. "I only want you to be happy Nickolas." With the briefest of touches, she pressed their lips together and pulled away before collecting the clothes she'd discarded less than an hour before. Within minutes she was dressed and standing at the threshold of his bedroom door.

"I'll come by later for my things, Baby. When it doesn't sting as much."

And with that Nick found himself standing alone in his bedroom, still naked but feeling more raw and open than he had in as long as he could remember. The vulnerability had nothing to do with his lack of clothing but moreso due to his realization that he was once again alone. What he needed to do was go through the house and collect Paris' belongings that had become fixtures in his home, but with one look at the bed where it all ended, he realized she was right. It would have to be done when the pain wasn't as prominent. Looking down at his body Nick grimaced. First and foremost he needed a shower, everything else would have to wait.

The shower provided him with comfort, warmth and a convenient place to release his sadness. The soothing water beating down on him washed away the tears he cried, cleansing his soul and carrying the unwanted emotion down the drain. He wasn't entirely sure when the tears stopped being about Paris and more about his life in general but by the time he'd stepped out Nick felt as though he had been through the emotional wringer. The fridge was his second stop after getting dressed and Nick paused between the six pack of Corona and the pitcher of iced tea. The clock on the wall read that it was just before two in the afternoon. A perfectly reasonable time of the day to have a drink, but Nick knew it wouldn't end at one beer and before long he'd have the whole six pack gone. Sighing he pulled out the iced tea and poured himself a glass. Kevin's name was what he'd called out, bringing the relationship to it's demise once and for all so Kevin was the first person Nick thought to call.

It rang ten times before voice mail kicked in. Nick left a short message asking Kevin to call him when he got in. It was important and he needed him, Nick tried to keep his voice steady and not burst into tears. It was shaping up to be one of those days.

Next on Nick's list was Justin and for a moment he paused to chuckle. She was right, they were the first people he called when anything happened. It had always been that so it wasn't as though he was conscious of his actions, but looking at it from her point of view as his girlfriend it did seem rather odd. Even Nick could admit that she'd put up with more than others would in her place, it didn't make things suck any less though. Closing his eyes, he pushed 2 on his speed dial and waited as it rang on the other end. Finally he heard someone pick up.

"Yeah?"

Nick heard heavy breathing and a note of annoyance in the other person's voice. Looking at the phone again he had indeed dialed Justin's number, but he could recognize Kevin's voice like his own. In the background he heard Justin giggle and speak although he couldn't quite make out the words.

"Hello?" Kevin asked again, this time very annoyed.

Nick couldn't speak, visions of what they were doing flashed in his mind and he froze. Instead, he hung up the phone and inhaled deeply as his day continued to just suck even more.

"Who was it Kev?" Justin asked, tightening his legs around Kevin's waist. He leaned up to pull Kevin back down, giggling as they fell back onto the bed tangled together.

"No idea. Probably some prank caller." The phone call was forgotten as Kevin covered Justin's mouth with his own, kissing him deeply. Previous actions were resumed as Justin spread his legs wider, giving Kevin complete access to his body. Justin's skin was humming and he was getting harder with each passing second. Kevin had taken to teasing him when all Justin wanted was to get off, and get Kevin off in the process.

Justin's legs were thrown over Kevin's shoulders and he was pleading with the older man that Kevin gave in, placing his erection at Justin's entrance and pushing inside. He could feel every inch of Kevin inside of him, taste his skin on his tongue and his scent overwhelming his nose. All sensations were multiplied as Kevin pulled out and slowly slid back in, taking his time in making love to the younger man. With gazes locked, they worked together to bring each other their release, crying out simultaneously as Justin let go and brought Kevin with him. Upon the conclusion of his orgasm, Kevin gently pulled out of Justin, disposed of the condom and fell on the bed face down not caring about anything except the remnants of his orgasm pulsing through his veins. It was Justin who reached consciousness first.

"Who did you say was on the phone?" Justin snickered as Kevin simply shook his head into the pillow, barely moving let alone speaking. The phone was on the floor and Justin reached over Kevin, slapping his ass playfully, to grab the handset. With the push of a few buttons he retrieved the information, recognizing Nick's number as the 'last received call'. "Shit."

"Shit what?" Kevin mumbled into the pillow. He made an unsuccessful attempt to roll over before shrugging and staying put. He needed some more rest.

"It was Nick."

Kevin's head raised from the pillow with a look of disbelief on his face. If it had been Nick, he didn't understand why the blonde wouldn't have said something. Something didn't feel right and Kevin felt butterflies in his stomach. "What?"

Justin shrugged before hitting Nick's number on speed dial. When no one picked up at Nick's house Justin was put into voice mail and he left a short message for Nick to call him as soon as he got it. Something was definitely up and Justin wondered what it was if Nick was so upset so to not say anything when Kevin answered. "I left a message. I wonder where he is."

~*~*~*~

Nick stared at the phone for a few minutes, hating the jealousy that was coursing through his body at the moment. He had no reason at all to be jealous or angry that Kevin and Justin were together, but he still was. They were together, happy, without him and he was all alone wondering what he'd done to screw his life up as much as he had. It just wasn't fair. Pressing the palm of his hand to his eyes, Nick fought not to cry, getting angry as tears slipped past the lids. He wasn't even sure of what he was crying for anymore, if not just for the reason that he had never felt so alone or lost in his whole life. The six pack of Corona in his fridge was looking more and more tempting, not to mention the stash he kept in the liquor cabinet down in the basement.

Before he even registered hitting the button or bringing the phone to his ear, Nick heard a soft "Hello?" and closed his eyes trying to regulate his breathing.

"Can I come over?" Nick pleaded softly. If they turned him down, it was straight to the beer and liquor. This was his last option.

"Carter? Get the fuck over here. You better be here in less than forty minutes."

Nick sobbed out a laugh that sounded suspiciously like a snort. "It takes an hour Chris."

"I've seen you drive. And be safe, I don't want someone having to scrape you off the sidewalk."

Chris slammed down the phone and Nick felt relief in the decision to call him. He knew Chris didn't know why he was crying, but it didn't matter, the fact that he was crying was enough for Chris' inherent need to mother the people he loved to emerge and demand Nick go right over. He also knew that when he got there, Chris would have everything ready for him to mend whatever it was that needed mending. There would be enough sugar to put them both into a slight coma, chick flicks AND man movies, depending on what the situation called for, and a hot running bath with vanilla and peppermint and whatever other oils Chris kept for soothing situations. Nick also knew that if any of this got out to anyone OTHER than those who Chris loved to mother, he'd be dead where he stood. As tough as the older man liked to pretend he was, he was really one of the softest people Nick knew, which made Nick feel even more special when he pulled into the driveway just over forty five minutes later.

"I said forty minutes Carter." Chris was waiting for him on the verandah, looking unimpressed.

Nick slid out of his SUV and held his hands up in surrender. "The line at 7-11 was long bro. And the last time I showed up without a slurpee you went ape shit." Nick smiled at how Chris' eyes narrowed and his lips formed a thin line.

"This is supposed to be about you and why you phoned me in the middle of the day fucking sobbing. You're not supposed to be bringing me anything." Nick didn't miss the way Chris' eyes lit up at the C-Plus Orange slurpee he handed him, the biggest size they had.

"I'm not supposed to do a lot of things but I do. Now lets go inside, this thing's fucking freezing."

Chris didn't care that he'd already showered, the bath wasn't about getting clean, it was about cleansing. Nick didn't understand the difference, even after all of these years, and Chris simply rolled his eyes and pushed him into the bathroom to undress. Nick was to just do as he was told and not interrupt Chris' powers of healing. When Nick didn't move fast enough, Chris put down the Slurpee, which inherently had already given him at least a dozen brain freezes in the ten minutes Nick had been there, and moved to undress Nick causing for the blonde to giggle and jump away from Chris' hands.

"They're cold fucker," Nick screeched as he batted Chris' hands away.

"Then get the fuck undressed. I'll be back in a second."

Minutes later Nick was already sitting in the tub, head resting against the bathtub pillow Chris had, letting the steam and the oils seep into his pores. His eyes had fluttered shut and his mind was slowly clearing of everything as Nick registered the sound of the bathroom door opening and Chris stepping in. He didn't bother to open his eyes because he knew with Chris, he didn't have to. There was a brief flash of coldness pressed against his forehead and Nick knew without having to ask that it was Chris pressing a kiss to his skin. He giggled at the sensation.

"What's so funny?" Chris said in a voice softer than anyone would have believed to come from him.

"Your lips, they're cold from the Slurpee." Nick finally opened his eyes as he heard the older man giggle.

"I brought you some."

When Nick saw the offering he couldn't help but giggle himself. Chris has put together a tray of snacks for him and there it was, the offered slurpee in a martini glass. He shook his head in disbelief, a smile playing on his lips. They stayed in the bathroom, Chris perched on a chair beside the tub until the water started to cool and Nick was ready to get out. There was always a moment as Nick was stepping into the water where Nick thought that this part of the ritual was pointless, but he always felt more calm and relaxed as he was getting out of the water. Nick had to admit that Chris knew what he was doing when it came to healing people's broken hearts.

There were rules though and Nick always worried that he'd forget one and piss Chris off. But as he stood perfectly still and allowed for Chris to carefully pat him dry and bundle him up in the towel before steering him into the bedroom it all rushed back to him in perfect clarity. It had been quite a while since the last time, but images flashed in his mind and Nick felt his stomach flutter a few times. Chris handed him a pair of oversized jogging pants that were most likely his or Joey's since the legs were too long to be Chris' and the waist was too wide to be Justin's and a tee shirt that was most definitely Chris'.

"Ice cream?" Chris asked cocking an eyebrow. Nick shook his head but knew it was in vain since Chris already had a plan for the evening and right after the bath was ice cream while watching a movie. "Fine, you want to talk about it right now then?"

He thought he did but just thinking about the scene that had played itself out in his bedroom earlier choked him up and brought tears to his eyes. It was still too soon and suddenly ice cream and a two hour distraction didn't sound too bad. "You got mint chocolate chip?"

Chris rolled his eyes with affection and smiled as he ruffled Nick's hair. "This your first time here Carter? Of course I've got mint chocolate chip. I've got at least five different types of ice cream in my freezer at all times baby. You all can't like the same type now can you? Nooo, everyone's gotta want something else. Fucking ungrateful bastards." The love in Chris' tone caused for Nick to chuckle because he knew how much Chris loved taking care of them. In fact, Nick could remember one time that Lance had been distraught over something once and had chosen to wallow by himself. When Chris found out he'd gone insane and they'd learned pretty fast that they never had to go through anything alone, no matter how bad they thought things were. In that crisis, Lance hadn't wanted to bother anyone with his problems and for that he had become the example to live by.

Nick headed out the bedroom door first, flinching when he felt a flicker of pain against his ear. "Ow, what the fuck was that for?" He squealed as he jumped out of the way.

"THAT was for trying to fuck up the programme. Bath and snacks, movie and ice cream and THEN talking. You always think you want to talk after the bath and snacks but you're never ready for it. There's a reason why it's last on the agenda, Nickolas. Don't think I don't know."

Nick cocked his head to the side waiting for the lecture that he knew was forthcoming. "Everyone has their own schedule. Like with Joey, we eat something comforting like pasta and meatballs or lasagna while we talk. With JC we have to talk before we do anything or else I lose him completely, and with Lance.." Chris couldn't help but chuckle. "Well we won't get into Lance's hang-ups right now because we don't have all night. But you have to completely destress and remove yourself from the situation before I can even think about getting you to talk about it. At least without you wanting to curl up and cry." Chris could see Nick getting embarrassed so he shook his head and pulled Nick into his arms. "Don't do that, get all shy and embarrassed. It's just how you are, Baby, you're more sensitive than anyone would give you credit for."

It was the truth but Nick still hated hearing about how emotional he would get, especially in relation to the other guys in Chris' life. Sometimes it felt as though he was always running to Chris with a problem and although he knew the older man didn't mind, it made Nick self conscious. Rather than dwell on it, Nick tried to shake off the feeling of anxiety that was still lingering. They silently headed downstairs where Nick took his seat at the island stool and Chris scooped out two bowls of ice cream. Nick's in the blue bowl and his own in the orange bowl. "So, what movie we got tonight?"

Chris only let out a soft murmur in response, ignoring the question. The only acknowledgment Nick got was Chris barely raising his head to wink at him. Nick knew when not to push.

Two hours later Nick's bowl had been emptied twice and he was sitting with his hand on his stomach, rubbing it lightly. "Too much ice cream, why did you let me have that second bowl?"

Chris could only giggle and shake his head. "If I'm right, I still have the bite marks from where you tried to eat through me to get to the ice cream, so don't be crying to me, you big baby." Chris shut the DVD player off, followed by the TV. He carried the dirty dishes to the kitchen and joined Nick once more on the couch, curling up with the younger man.

Nick loved the feel of Chris' arms around his waist, the way their legs were tangled together and how when he put his head on Chris' chest, he could practically feel his heartbeat as if it was his own. The sound was soothing and comforting, combined with the way Chris' fingers were stroking his scalp it put Nick into a place where he could talk about the day without getting worked up about it. "We broke up today." Nick could feel Chris stiffen and he buried his face deeper into his tee shirt.

"We meaning..."

Nick raised his head as Chris' question trailed off. Looking straight into Chris' eyes he didn't smile as he answered, "Me and Paris." It wasn't as if Nick was seeing anyone else so there shouldn't have been a question as to who he was referring.

"Don't look at me like that Nickolas."

"What the fuck do you mean by 'we meaning?' Who else would it be?"

Now Chris' body was completely rigid and Nick sensed he was getting annoyed. "Oh, I don't know. How about any of the other people you're fucking too?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Chris rolled his eyes and sighed. "You say you're not in a relationship with Justin or Kevin but you fuck them regularly. I don't care what any of you say, you're dating. All of you. And lets not get into the arrangement between you and me. So it's a justifiable question, all right? Don't get bitchy with me." Chris knew when to push and when not to push and didn't hesitate in pushing when Nick was overreacting. He felt the blonde relax against him again before resting his head back down on his chest. It was when he let out a deep breath that Chris did the same.

"I'm sorry, I'm just really..."

"Shhh," Chris soothed, petting Nick's hair. "It's okay. Just.. relax, Baby." He waited until they were both calm before speaking. "So you and Paris are done huh?" His response was Nick nodding against his chest. "What happened?"

A battled waged itself in Nick's mind of whether or not to tell Chris everything. He couldn't lie to him, but there were things that he didn't want the older man to know, mostly that of his phone call after the fact to Kevin and Justin which ended with him fleeing to Chris. That part could be left out. So in a voice that trembled from time to time, Nick relayed the whole scene that had played itself out in his bedroom earlier that day. From Paris coming over and Nick's total apathy, to the distance growing between them on a daily level to Nick screaming Kevin's name mid orgasm. He told Chris of their talk afterwards and how he'd never expected her to fall in love with him and wished that for once in his life he could do things the easy way.

"It's hard Nick, I mean on one hand you want stability but on the other hand it's not what you're used to. Do you know what I mean? You want it so bad, and then when you get it you wonder how you could settle for it because it's not what you thought it was going to be."

What frightened Nick was that it wasn't the stability that Nick was having a problem with, it was her. Well, her in the fact that it wasn't who he *really* wanted and the past few months had made him realize that with frightening clarity. The relationship he'd taken for granted all this time, the relationship that wasn't supposed to be a relationship but moreso a casual thing meant more to him than anything he could ever have with anyone else. What he answered with was a soft, "I guess." He should have known Chris would be able to figure out what was going on inside his head anyways.

"But you do want the happy home. The one person forever and ever. Don't you?"

Nick didn't answer. He knew he didn't have to.

"Do they know?"


Nick's pulse raced and he took a sharp breath. He wondered if Chris knew. "How did you know? I never said anything..."

"You didn't need to. Although I can't for the life of me figure out who it is. I've got my own predictions, but I'm not certain."

Nick allowed himself to relax, relieved that Chris hadn't figured out who he wanted. Until he sorted things out in his own mind, Nick wasn't planning on making any revelations about his feelings. There were too many people involved, too much at stake to just blurt it out, to anyone. "Who do you think it is?"


Chris shook his head, face serious. "No way, I'm not saying a word. If I'm right you're going to get all paranoid and shit, but if I'm wrong you'll be wondering why I thought that and maybe start to look into things that you wouldn't have looked into otherwise. Until you say something definite, I'm keeping my mouth shut."

"I just don't know what to do." Nick sighed as the weight of the day's events settled on top of his chest. What he really needed to do was just get away, this time by himself to give him time to really think about what he wanted.

Chris continued to stroke his hair and press kisses to the top of his head. "I don't know what to tell you Nick. It's a pretty intense situation, very complicated and it's hard. But you know you're never alone right? You've always got me, and I know J and Kevin will always be there for you too."

Without thinking about it, Nick's body tensed at the mention of Justin and Kevin's names. He knew without having to be told that Chris not only noticed his body stiffening but was instantly curious. Looking up he saw Chris' eyes fixed on him, a curious expression on his face.

"What aren't you telling me?"

Nick buried his face in Chris' chest. "I don't want to talk about it." There must have been something in the tone of his voice because Nick felt Chris exhale and he didn't say anything in response. "Not yet." Half an hour passed without a word from either man. They remained curled up together, minds wandering and basking in the calm atmosphere around them. It was Nick who moved first. He looked up, lips curling into a small smile at the sight of Chris' eyes closed and his lips barely parted. The older man wasn't sleeping, that Nick was sure of. Nick moved up just enough so that their faces were directly in front of each other. He nuzzled Chris' cheek playfully.

Chris opened one eye first, then the other. Nick was nose to nose with him, eyes watching him with aroused interest. "What are you doing?" He asked, voice barely a whisper.

"Sayin' hello." Nick leaned in to press their lips together, giving Chris the barest of kisses. "Sayin' thanks," he added as he kissed Chris harder, their eyes locked the entire time.

Chris couldn't resist the sweetness of Nick's kiss, the way Nick seemed to surround and overwhelm him and the feel of the younger man on top of him even if it was as innocent as them just kissing. He moaned against Nick's mouth as his hands wove into blonde spikes and pulled their bodies together tightly. They quickly felt the passion between them escalating and fell into a comfortable pace of not taking things further physically but surpassing the actions emotionally. Everything outside of that room, that embrace was forgotten as Chris continued to execute his plan in helping to ease Nick's pain. It was a considerable time later when they broke apart, lips swollen and heat radiating through their bodies.

"You okay?" Chris whispered against Nick's throat. He giggled as Nick shivered, the feeling traveling through his body.

"I think so." He wasn't one hundred percent there, but was closer than had he stayed home and drank himself into a stupor. Thoughts of Justin and Kevin were the furthest thing from his mind as all Nick could concentrate on was the feeling of Chris pressed tight against him and knowing how loved he was. "I'm glad I called."

"Me too." Chris wondered why Nick hadn't gone to Justin or Kevin first which only brought forth the question of if he had gone to them, why he hadn't stayed. There was more that Nick wasn't telling him, Chris was sure of it but he knew that if Nick hadn't volunteered the information during his soul spilling session, he wasn't ready to talk about it. Knowing Nick like he did, Chris predicted that Nick might never be ready to tell him everything, especially where it was concerning Justin. Kevin was another story and the two of them had discussed Nick's relationship with him at great lengths, but Kevin wasn't one of Chris' best friends and Nick always was wary of sharing every intimate detail of his relationship with Justin. At times Chris resented that because he knew Nick needed to be able to get it all out, but other times he was thankful, there were just some things you didn't need to know about your best friend and despite what everyone that knew them thought, Chris and Justin had
 never nor would they ever push their friendship past platonic into physical.

Conversation had gone past Nick's reason for visiting to neutral topics, both men reveling in the fact that they were there in each other's arms, sharing the intimate moment. Every so often, one would instigate a gentle kiss which often rolled into an intensely passionate battle between tongues and playful bites, but it never went past roaming hands over clothes. They had both heard the phone ring what felt like hours ago, neither wanting to move to answer it. It was because of that Justin's arrival was such a surprise to them.

Kevin had long since left and Justin remained in his kitchen, mulling everything over in his mind. There was something pulling at his heart and stomach that he couldn't quite grasp and he felt confusion filling his mind. Despite the fact that he had no reason to, he felt guilty about not being there when Nick needed him. And not only that, he was with Kevin at the time which caused for a feeling of betrayal to overwhelm him. He wasn't betraying Nick, neither of them were, but Justin couldn't figure out why it felt like he was. As his thoughts whirled around his mind, he changed his and Nick's positions. Eyes closed, Justin pictured needing to talk to Nick or even Kevin and phoning them only to find that they were together. Sighing, Justin knew that they were seriously going to have to sit down and come up with some game plan as to avoid this happening every single time any of them got together.

The phone was in arm's reach and Justin picked it up, dialing Chris' number. After seven rings voice mail kicked in and Justin hung up before being given the chance to leave a message. He didn't want to talk to a machine, he wanted to talk to his best friend. Chris was home, he was always home. Odds were he was playing a game or doing something and was too lazy to get off his ass and find the cordless. Justin was out the door and halfway to Chris' house knowing that the best thing to do would be to just drop in on him. Nick's car in the driveway didn't go unnoticed as Justin pulled in, the jealousy pooling in his stomach. Justin suddenly wondered if Chris hadn't answered for a different reason.

Using the key Chris had given him the day he'd bought the house, Justin let himself in and called out. "CHRIS?" He toed out of his sneakers and tossed his hoodie on the banister as he listened for a response. When none was forthcoming, Justin called again. "C? YOU HERE?" Still, he was met with silence. He decided to give the basement a try, knowing that if they weren't in the bedroom, and Justin wasn't sure if he was prepared to see THAT today, they'd be downstairs where all of Chris' 'toys' were. If he'd thought he wasn't prepared to see Nick and Chris naked and in the middle of sex, he surely wasn't ready to see them curled together on the couch, oblivious to anything more than five feet away from them. What was the worst about seeing them in that position was that it was beyond sexual, beyond physical and more intimate. Emotional. Meaningful. His stomach churned and Justin felt anger settle over him. Anger and possessiveness.

In the few seconds he'd considered turning around and exiting the way he'd come in Chris looked up and their eyes met. Justin saw surprise etched on Chris' face and he blushed knowing he was sending off some pretty serious hate vibes towards his best friend. "J? When'd you get here?"

At the sound of Justin's name on Chris' lips Nick stiffened and felt his pulse accelerate. He closed his eyes tight and burrowed his face deeper into Chris' chest hoping that Justin would think he was sleeping. Facing him was the last thing he wanted right now.

"I... called. No one answered and I thought..." Justin squeaked with embarrassment. The awkwardness in the room was stifling. "Hey Nicky." He could tell by the erratic rise and fall of Nick's back that he wasn't sleeping, despite the blonde's efforts to appear as though he was. He waited a few seconds and watched as Nick rolled to his back and slowly turned his head to face him. Nick looked everything but thrilled to see him and Justin felt his stomach churn.

"Hey."

Chris sighed. All of the effort he'd gone to in hopes of relieving Nick of the stress and anxiety he'd been holding on to was shot to hell in less than ten seconds. They were right where they'd started from, probably more so since Nick clearly wasn't ready to face one of the major reasons for his stress. If he hadn't felt before that Nick was holding something back that afternoon, he sure as hell was now. "I'm going to get a drink. Either of you want anything?"

Nick shook his head as Chris crawled over him to get out from against the back of the couch. "I'm good, thanks."

Justin shrugged. "Whatever you're having." His eyes locked with his best friend's and Justin could read a mixture of emotions in their depths. In that second he put his hand on Chris' shoulder and shrugged in defeat. "You know what? Never mind. I didn't realize that I would be interrupting something. I'm gonna just go." Justin looked between Chris and Nick and turned around to head back up the stairs. It was Chris who stopped him.

"Don't be an asshole J. I'll be back in a few, sit down."

Justin's protest died on his lips the second he saw the expression on Chris' face, the one that said 'Don't fuck with me, just do what I say." He only nodded and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt nervously.

Chris headed up the stairs, leaving Nick and Justin alone. Nick sat up and adjusted his tee shirt which had ridden up from the position he was laying in. He then ran fingers through his blonde hair, nerves were making him fidgety.

"I'm sorry.. if you wanted to be alone.." Justin shrugged sheepishly, looking everywhere but at Nick.

"Not a problem. We were just talking. If I'd wanted to be alone I'd have stayed home."

"Looked like you two were doing more than just talking from where I was standing." Justin flinched at the expression on Nick's face. It was as though he'd been slapped in the face and Justin knew he wasn't one to talk, especially today. "I'm sorry, that came out..."

"Exactly as you intended. Fuck, what is it with people bringing to my attention what a whore I am today? Must be something in the air. I'm glad that the people who profess to love me so much seem to think so little of me." Nick was instantly on the defensive, he crossed his arms over his chest and sat in a position that clearly didn't invite Justin to join him.

Justin didn't know what Nick was referring to but he was too busy regretting his choice of words to think about it too much. He couldn't get the vision of Nick and Chris wrapped up together so intimately out of his mind, and although he was in no position to make accusations he felt jealous and betrayed that Nick had gone to Chris for comfort. That jealousy was overriding all common sense. "Why are you here?"

Nick thought about it for a moment before answering. "None of your business J." Now it was Justin who looked like he'd been slapped in the face. Nick's voice was cold and detached, his eyes resting coolly on Justin's reaction. Finally, Nick relented and rubbed his hands over his face in exhaustion. He wasn't sure if he could handle much more, a fight with Justin was sure to put him over the edge. "I'm sorry. It's just.. I needed someone to talk to."

"You phoned earlier, why'd you hang up? You know, if you wanted to talk to someone." He had someone to talk to, two people to talk to that would have dropped everything if they'd have known Nick needed them. They could have invited him over and helped him with whatever it was he needed help with. But he'd hung up and shut them out. If Justin allowed himself to think about it, he'd have reacted the same way but his mind glossed over that little fact. When Nick wasn't moving to answer Justin continued. "You phoned and hung up, I know it was you because my caller ID had your name on it. Why?"

"You were busy." Was all Nick answered with. There was no anger in his voice, just defeat.

"Not too busy for you Nicky," Justin crossed the room and sat down next to Nick, fully expecting him to make room to allow him in. He was surprised when Nick failed to move. They sat side by side awkwardly.

"Yeah, you were."

He was. And they both knew it, only Nick was willing to admit it. But it still pissed Justin off that Nick went to Chris with whatever was bothering him. Odds were that, at that moment, the only other person who knew what had upset Nick was upstairs making something to drink and Justin knew that neither of them would talk until the time was right, if at all.

They sat in silence until Chris came back down. The tension in the room was so thick it was stifling. Chris crossed the room until he stood in front of Justin, holding out a glass of lemonade. "Move."

"What?"

"You're in my spot. Move."

Justin balked at the older man, unable to believe he was actually going to make him move. "Why?"

"My couch, my house, my spot. I was there first."

After a few choice words Justin stood and moved to the chair next to the couch. His mood darkened as Chris laid back against the arm of the chair and Nick curled against his side. When Chris' arm snaked around him protectively Justin could have swore he tasted blood from biting his lip so hard.

"Well, this isn't weird at all," Chris noted sarcastically. He looked down at the man in his arms, feeling him trembling slightly and refusing to even turn his head in the direction that Justin was sitting. Next he turned to face his best friend not at all surprised at the looks of death that were being shot at him through slitted eyes. Chris shook his head and reached for the remote, turning on the television. Finding a basketball game that was on, Chris left it on that channel and settled in for what was shaping up to be a long, drama filled afternoon.

Pizza was ordered for dinner, and as the night wore on, the tension eased. A little. It was Justin who stood first, indicating that he was ready to go. "I'm gonna head out now." He stretched out his back and legs, fighting off a yawn. On the whole, the day had been emotionally draining.

Chris looked first at Nick then at Justin, waiting to see what was going to happen next. Justin had attempted a few times to make small talk with Nick who had completely ignored him. Clearly something had been said during his absence and the blonde hadn't fully gotten over it. He watched Justin's face fall and wished he could do something. Unfortunately, it wasn't his place to intervene. "Okay Jup, thanks for comin over." Chris slid out from under Nick and stood up to walk his best friend out. "I'll go up with you."

Justin's heart fell at the way Nick barely even acknowledged him all afternoon. He knew he'd fucked up by calling his relationship with Chris out but he'd been hurt. Probably as hurt as Nick had been when he'd called and Kevin answered. "You maybe wanna come Nick?"

Nick blinked, not taking his focus off of the screen in front of him. It was killing him but he couldn't talk to Justin, not now and not in the state of emotion he was in. It was easier to ignore him than to get into things, so he did just that. He registered Justin's deep sigh and Chris' annoyed exhale of breath and knew in that moment Chris was going to be pretty pissed at him when he came back into the house. He blinked back the tears that were threatening and tried to calm his breathing. Finally Justin realized he wasn't going to get an answer and Nick heard him speak again.

"Okay, well then I'll talk to you later. Bye."

Still Nick said nothing, his heart cracking the entire time.

Chris walked Justin out and they both ignored what was first and foremost on their minds as they pretended that nothing was wrong. Chris told him to call sometime so they could get together for some golf or something and Justin promised he would.

Nick flinched when he opened his eyes to find Chris looming over him. He hadn't even heard him come back into the house and there he was, arms crossed, eyes squinting and lips formed into a tight line. He had been right, Chris was pissed. Nick was the first to react though, his voice lacking any emotion. "I know. I know you're mad and you know what, I don't fucking care okay? Leave me the hell alone. I don't want to deal with this right now."

"Why the fuck were you so rude to him today? If you hadn't have been so fucking childish you would have seen how much your cold shoulder hurt him. You didn't even look at him let alone answer him any of the dozen times he tried talking to you."

Nick fought to remember that Chris didn't know everything about the day's events and so he couldn't even begin to understand why he was so hurt. So for that reason he allowed for Chris to yell at him without fighting back.

"I love you Nick, you know I do, but I don't like people treating my friends like shit. If he did the same thing to you that you did to him tonight I'd be just as pissed at him, but .... I can't even talk to you right now. I'm going upstairs, let yourself out when you're done." And with that, Chris shook his head in disappointment and went upstairs, leaving Nick to lay on the couch and stare blankly at the TV screen. He didn't know. He had no clue as to what was going on inside of Nick's head and Nick wasn't in any mood to get into it. Especially when he knew there would be an 'I told you so' somewhere in Chris' lectures.

Nick wasn't going home, that much was for sure and he knew Chris knew it too because an hour and a half later when he finished watching a show on thunder storms and electrical currents of lightening he headed up the stairs to find that the security alarms were already set. Chris had locked up for the night knowing that Nick would be staying. There was half a second when Nick paused in the hall deciding where he was going to sleep that night. He knew that there were half a dozen rooms he could comfortably sleep in but looking at the end of the hall, he saw Chris' door was open. Chris always slept with the door shut so therein was an invitation. Nick was expected to join Chris in his room. He would have smiled if he could find the energy to do so.

"What aren't you telling me, Nicky?" Chris asked softly, startling Nick as he slid in behind the older man. He fit his body into a spooning position with Chris and relaxed into the comfortable familiarity.

"Nothing. You're right, I'm an asshole." Nick simply said. He'd rather have Chris think he was an asshole then have to deal with everything else that was going on in his mind. The problem with Chris was that he always knew. Knew when you were lying and knew everything you didn't want him to.

"No, you're not. You're a lot of things, Baby, but an asshole isn't one of them. You don't have to protect him with me. If he's done something..."

And there was the problem, Justin HADN'T done anything. Nothing to warrant Nick to be mad at him, but he was and it wasn't something that was easily explained. Nick didn't want the thought of Justin and Kevin together to hurt as much as it did. He wanted to be happy for the two of them, as happy as when he was with either of them, but it was hard to tell his heart that when it was breaking at the thought of them getting together without him. There was a part of him that still saw both of his lovers as his and his alone. Not to mention the confusion in his head at how much his breakup with Paris was affecting him. He'd thought that when they finally did break up that he would have been able to do it without looking back, but nothing could have been farther from the truth. There was also the fact that he had assumed their relationship would have lasted longer than it had. Nick was being bombarded with too many emotions all at once and he was tired of thinking. Tired of everything and
 wanted just to be left alone. "You wouldn't understand," was all he said, hoping that his voice didn't betray how emotional he was at the thought of everything that had happened that day.

"I'm trying to Nicky. I'm trying to understand so I can help you. But I can't do that if you won't let me in." Chris waited for Nick to respond with hopes that he would finally break down and fill him in on the missing pieces, except that Nick's breathing evened out and Chris realized that the younger man had fallen asleep. The day's pressure had caught up with him and Nick had finally been able to lose himself in unconscious oblivion. If Chris was to get answers from him, it would have to wait another day.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"If he hasn't done anything wrong, I think you should go and talk to him. Apologize for how you treated him yesterday and tell him what's been going on with you. I think he needs to know."

They were eating breakfast at Chris's kitchen table, the TV on the counter playing some cheesy cartoon that neither man had ever heard of before. Nick barely blinked as he spooned another mouthful of eggs past his lips and chewed thoughtfully.

"I think you need to mind your own business." Nick said once his mouth was clear of food.

"I think if you want me to mind my own business, next time you'll leave me the fuck alone and call someone else." They both knew that Chris wouldn't ever mind his own business and Nick would always call, it was just how they both were and fighting was part of their quirky relationship. It didn't stop Nick from giving him the finger and cursing at him under his breath. A little over forty minutes later he was getting his things together and preparing to leave. "Where are you going?" Chris asked. He didn't bother getting up from where he was sitting.

"I'm going over to Justin's to apologize and tell him what's been going on." Their eyes met and Nick watched Chris grin in victory.

"Good. I hate it when you two fight."

"We're not fighting."

"Well you weren't fucking so..." Nick had to nod at Chris' accuracy. Truth was truth and Chris knew the truth. "Tell him I say hi and you call me later okay babe?"

Nick promised to call and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Chris' head. His mind was focused on all of the conflicting thoughts rushing through his head and before he knew it, Nick was sitting in front of Justin's house staring up at the large mansion. Despite the fact that his mind was screaming at him to get out of the car and walk up the path to Justin's front door, Nick couldn't move. His heart was racing and his palms were sweating profusely, all signs of Nick's reluctance to deal with his insecurities. Ten minutes later he opened the car door and slid out, feeling his heart beat faster with each step he took closer to the house.

Justin looked genuinely shocked when he opened the door a few minutes after Nick had rang the bell. Nick flashed him an embarrassed smile and shrugged as Justin held up his hand. "Uhhh, sorry Kev, had to answer the door."

Nick felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut at the mention of Kevin's name. Without thinking about it, he spun around to return to his car stopped only by Justin grabbing a hold of his tee shirt. It was too soon and Nick knew he should never have come over. Of course Chris would suggest it, but without knowing what he was talking about the advice was pointless. Trying to wrestle himself out of Justin's grip was to no avail because the younger man had him in a tight grip.

"It's Nick, so I'm gonna go." Justin paused for a moment, listening to Kevin speak before answering. "Yeah, I'll be at Lance's, not sure how long. You want to talk to him? Give us about ten minutes and call back. Yeah, you too. Bye."

The last person Justin had been expecting at the door was Nick, but as they stood there face to face Justin couldn't have been more relieved. Judging by the look on his face, it was clear that he'd have rather been almost anywhere else, but his presence was enough to give Justin the hope that they'd be able to fix whatever had wedged between them. He ended the call and set the phone on the banister as he looked at Nick questioningly. "Where are you going?"

"Home. I shouldn't have come, you were busy." Nick made no move to leave but wouldn't look Justin in the eye either.

"God damn Nick, I was just on the phone." Justin sighed with frustration and let Nick's shirt go. If he wanted to leave that bad, Justin wasn't going to stop him. He wasn't about keeping people against their will, no matter how much he wanted him to stay. "And he wants to talk to you, by the way."

"I figured."

Nick hadn't left so Justin took that as a good sign. He stepped in closer and cupped Nick's face in his hands. "What is going on with you? Please tell me."

Nick's face softened at the emotion on Justin's face, the gentle way he held his cheek in his hand. There was so much he wanted to tell him but couldn't find the words to begin. "I don't know J. I'm sorry."

"You hurt me so much yesterday."

Him. It was all about him and for some reason that grated on Nick's already frayed nerves. He only sighed and took a half step back. "You're going somewhere?"

Justin watched as Nick shut down and put up a wall between them. It had to have been something Justin said because only moments earlier he was certain that Nick was ready to explain what had bothered him the day before, but now that moment had passed and Nick was moving on. He'd lost any chance to have a heart to heart with Nick. Shoulders sagging Justin accepted it with resignation and stretched his back and neck. "Uh, yeah. I'm going over to Lance's to do some work. Go over some documents or some shit. Not sure how long I'll be."

Nick nodded, focusing on the phone sitting on the bannister. "Well have fun, tell Lance I say hi." He was caught off guard as Justin pulled him close and kissed him sweetly on the mouth. It was so unexpected that Nick barely had time to react before Justin had pulled away.

"Whether or not you believe it right now; I love you Nicky. I'm sorry you're so mad at me. Now Kevin's going to call in a few minutes and if you're not going to tell ME what's wrong, at least tell him. He's been worried sick." With that, Justin went back into the house to get his things together and left Nick alone on the verandah with the phone in his hand. The shrill ringing startled him slightly.

"Hello?"

"Jesus Christ Nicky, what's going on with you?" At the sound of Kevin's voice in his ear, Nick trembled violently. He wasn't going to cry, but it didn't stop his hands from shaking. There wasn't anger in Kevin's voice, just confusion and just a little frustration.

"Are you busy?" Nick asked, voice surprisingly steady. Kevin must have sensed that whatever it was was big because Nick heard him exhale loudly before answering.

"Never. Meet me..."

"At the beach." Nick needed to be close to the water, it always seemed to soothe and calm him. He looked up to see Justin watching him curiously. "Hold on a second." Nick set down the phone on the railing and approached Justin, kissing him similarly to how he'd been kissed just minutes earlier. He mightn't have been ready to talk about it, but he didn't want Justin thinking he hated him. The relief in the younger man's eyes was enough for Nick to pull him in and kiss him again, this time both men active participants.

"I'll see you later?" Justin had to ask. He hated the thought of not being there for Nick when he needed him, but this thing with Lance couldn't be rescheduled. Nick nodded and Justin smiled. One more kiss was placed to Nick's cheek and Justin rushed down the stairs towards his jeep. He knew Nick would lock up when he was ready to go, they'd long since exchanged keys and security passwords.

Nick picked the phone back up and headed into Justin's house making his way to the bedroom. "Okay, I just had to say good-bye to Justin. So we'll meet at the beach in an hour?" Nick found an old pair of his jeans and a tee shirt, taking them into the bathroom. If he was going to meet up with Kevin in public, he figured that he should at least take a shower and look presentable, not that old holy sweats weren't the rage.

"An hour sounds good. See you then."

Nick had an hour to try and figure out what was going on inside his head and how he was going to explain it to Kevin who most likely had already heard Justin's side of things.


~*~*~*~*~

Kevin was sitting on a bench, drinking a soda from the snack shop when Nick strolled up. There were butterflies in Nick's stomach but he was bound and determined to make it through this conversation without wanting to cry. They simply exchanged smiles as Nick sat down, Kevin discreetly squeezing Nick's thigh in a move that was meant to be comforting. Kevin could see the redness in Nick's eyes, a clear sign that the younger man hadn't slept well not to mention the lines decorating his forehead.

Nick knew Kevin was expecting some sort of answer as to what had gotten into him the past while so he figured it was best to just get down to the heart of the matter. "Paris and I broke up."

Kevin had been expecting almost anything, but that wasn't on the list. He'd known how good the two were for each other. It was a pairing that not a lot of people had believed would work, but knowing Nick as well as he did, it was clear how happy they made each other. As unlikely a couple they were, they were just as good for one another and hearing that they'd decided to break up sent a jolt of regret through Kevin's body. The one thing that had surprised Kevin most about their relationship was that she knew of Nick's infidelity and it didn't bother her. As long as he was safe and she still had a little piece of him to herself, she didn't care what he did with his other free time. Kevin couldn't help but wonder where things had gone wrong with the two. "I'm sorry."

Nick cocked his head to the side and studied Kevin's face for a few minutes. He wasn't entirely sure of what Kevin was apologizing for or what he was looking for in Kevin's reaction, but when he didn't sense any note of sarcasm he nodded. "Thanks. It was..." Nick swallowed thickly, the scene from his bedroom replaying itself in his mind over and over again. "..hard. Really bad scene."

"When?" Kevin flinched, knowing the answer but having to ask. It was only twenty four hours earlier, he was sure of it. That was why Nick had left him the message at home on his voice mail on the brink of tears. It was why he'd called Justin only to find Kevin answer the phone. And it was most likely why he'd gone to Chris' when neither of his other lovers' were available. Kevin felt the knife in his stomach turn just a little at the pain etched on Nick's face. He'd long since tried getting the desperation in Nick's voice from the message to stop ringing in his ears.

"Yesterday. When I called." Nick wondered if he should tell Kevin everything but then sighed when he knew he would anyways. "We were having sex and she was riding me. I was so fucking close to cumming and just as she started to ride me harder, I screamed out..." Nick let out a soft chuckle as he looked into Kevin's eyes. "I screamed your name."

Kevin couldn't help but feel just a little bit of pride at that admission as his lips curled into a smirk. It was definitely ego boosting to have someone scream out your name while fucking someone else. He focused his attention on Nick to see the blonde smiling at him.

"Kinky fucker."

He couldn't help but shrug. "Little bit."

Slowly, Nick relayed the same story he'd told Chris the day before including everything that Paris had said and how it had left him feeling. "Then I called you, but no one answered. I just needed to talk to you and get everything out of my head. I left you a message and phoned J, but you answered and it was clear I was interrupting something. So I hung up."

Kevin felt his gut clench at the sadness in Nick's voice. He knew without having to be told that Nick was feeling abandoned by everyone and to know that the two people you counted on the most were together when you needed them, Kevin understood why Nick had been so distant the night before.

"You were jealous." He whispered. Nick's face went white and Kevin could see the anxiety in his eyes.

"What?"

"J said you were really distant last night. Wouldn't even look at him and he couldn't figure out what was wrong or why you were mad at him, but that's it, isn't it?" Nick's silence told Kevin everything he needed to know. "Why didn't you tell him why you were upset? You should have at least let him know about you and Paris."

Nick shook his head and rolled his eyes. "He wasn't interested in knowing why I was upset."

Kevin stared at Nick with disbelief. "Excuse me? I'd say he was pretty interested. You KNOW he wanted to know what was wrong, why didn't you say anything."

"Because he didn't care. He was more focused on being jealous about me being there with Chris than why I was there. You didn't see the expression on his face Kevin, you didn't hear the tone in his voice when he insinuated that it was more than it was. Just because Chris and I HAVE fucked in the past, doesn't mean we fuck every single time we get together. And even if I WAS there for that, which I wasn't by the way, what's it any of his business? I mean, it's not like he wasn't fucking you earlier in the day so why the hell shouldn't I be able to fuck who I want." Now Nick was yelling, not caring who could overhear him. Thankfully they were alone on the part of the beach they were at so no one was around to witness his outburst.

Kevin winced at Nick's emotional outburst. He couldn't help but agree that the blonde was right, Justin had confessed to him that he was more concerned about what was going on between Nick and Chris than why Nick was there. For that reason he didn't comment and let Nick continue to get everything out of his system.

"Had Justin been concerned about ME rather than himself, I might have told him about Paris, about how fucking torn up I am that yet another relationship was fucked up by yours truly. But he wasn't. So I didn't tell him anything. And if he has a problem with that, then he can kiss my ass. Even earlier when I was at his house, it was about him. How upset HE was last night by my actions, that I didn't go to HIM with whatever was bothering me. I was upset before I'd even called but he automatically assumed it had something to do with him. Yeah, it hurt knowing you two were together but fucking damn Kevin... it's more than that." Nick's eyes were burning and his whole body was trembling. When Kevin pulled him into his arms for a comforting embrace, Nick couldn't find the energy to protest.

"Baby, I'm so sorry." For the first time Kevin saw exactly how much everything in the past twenty four hours had affected Nick and felt his heart break for the younger man. He'd been slightly angry at Nick earlier that day, as Justin had relayed the details of the night before, but hearing Nick's side pulled him in two directions. Both were jealous, both were hurt and for that reason were lashing out. "We should have been there when you needed us."

"That's just it Kev, I was upset that you were together, yes; I was jealous, but it was fine. I mean, we've agreed that this is going to happen and we're going to be okay with it. But it was when Justin showed up at Chris' and was pulling an attitude with us that I shut down. He has no right to be judging what I do..."

"I know, I know," Kevin whispered, cutting Nick off. He knew that it wasn't fair for Justin to be mad at Nick for going to Chris, but he couldn't lie and say that it didn't bother him to some degree as well. It was a strange, fucked up relationship that they'd gotten themselves into and it was going to be hard trying to draw distinct boundaries. Kevin couldn't help but ask his next question. "You called me first then?"

Nick took a deep breath and nodded his head. "Yeah, I'd called you but I got your voice mail. You were the first person I thought of and it was funny that she'd yelled at me for always running to you guys with a problem and I thought she was crazy. Until I'd realized she was right."

Kevin felt a little smug in finding out that he was the first person Nick had phoned. It didn't matter that he wasn't home for the call, just the fact that Nick thought to phone him first made him feel victorious, as if he'd won some contest that he and Justin were having for Nick's attention.

"Then when I couldn't get you, I had dialed J without even thinking about it. I even had to look at my call display to make sure I hadn't called you again and you'd answered. Then I heard Justin's voice and realized I'd interrupted. So I regrouped, had a little cry and phoned Chris."

"I have to admit, Nick, I understand why Justin was jealous. I felt the same way when we'd gone away and I saw you and Chris together.. My first reaction was to pull him off of you and tell him you're mine. And I know you're not, but it's hard."

Nick nodded, "I understand. It's like when I think of you and J, or you and anyone. But you didn't see it yesterday Kev, he was giving off some pretty serious vibes. It was a bad scene all around and that just really pissed me off. I thought it would be better to ignore him and not say anything than to risk saying something I couldn't take back."

"Like his comment?"

"Exactly."

They stared at one another, wondering where to proceed and silently questioning if things would be okay.

~*~*~*~

The entire ride over to Lance's, Justin found himself wanting to do nothing more than turn his car around and drive back to his house and force Nick to talk. Force him to explain what was wrong and why things were so strained between them. He hated that feeling of uncertainty and it was tearing his stomach apart, let alone driving him crazy. Halfway there his phone rang and Justin recognized Kevin's number on his call display. "Yeah?"

"I'm going to the beach to meet up with him. Just thought you'd like to know."

"He say anything?"

"Not yet. I'll see what's wrong. Don't worry, everything's going to be okay."

Justin wasn't too sure. They hung up as he pulled into Lance's driveway and Justin tried to shake off the awkward feelings that had settled over him finding his efforts unsuccessful.

The thing about Lance, was he was as intuitive as Chris was, sometimes more. So as Justin stepped inside the house, he already knew something was up. "What's going on? Trouble in paradise?"

Justin didn't want to talk about it, but he also knew that Lance was far more persistent than he was, so rather than fight him on it, it was just easier to talk. They each grabbed a beer from the fridge and went out onto the deck to make themselves comfortable. It was then that Justin relayed the whole story, even the bits that Lance hadn't previously been given access to knowing, as well as some stuff he'd been told half a dozen times. By the time two hours had passed, Justin had bared his entire soul, plus more stuff he hadn't even realized he'd been holding onto. The entire time he'd spoken, Lance listened carefully and thoughtfully, only interrupting when he needed to a) go to the bathroom or b) replenish their beer.

The thought that maybe Justin was telling Lance TOO MUCH information hadn't even crossed his mind and when he was finally finished with the story, he sat back and awaited Lance's take on the situation. He was shocked when it came. "I think you guys are slowly turning into fifteen year old girls man. Seriously J, you need to seek some therapy for this shit."

"What the fuck do you think I'm here for?" Justin snapped back feeling a little put out by Lance's commentary.

"I know you're here to go over some paperwork and get some advice on your career. What I didn't expect was this month's story line of The Young and the Stupid. Or Old and the Stupid where Kevin and Chris are concerned... although, I don't know if Chris has actually done anything to warrant being called stupid. Unless you consider fucking Nick Carter in that category, which I'm sure some would so yeah... that's what I think."

Justin stood up angrily, kicking the chair out from underneath him. It skidded against the deck making a loud noise of protest. "You know what, never mind. I don't need this shit."

Lance was calm and collected as he stood. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Justin with a hint of annoyance in his eyes. "You want to know what I think?"

"I fucking asked, didn't I?"

"I think ya'll are blind. All of you. You, Chris, Kevin and mostly Nick. You're all playing with fire not realizing that in the end, some or even all of you are going to get burned. You all profess that it's not serious, that it's fun and with no strings but every time we turn around there's drama coming out the wazoo and someone's getting hurt. You're jealous.."

Justin raised an eyebrow in protest. "I'm not jealous."

All Lance could do was roll his eyes, the urge to smack Justin upside the head getting stronger by the minute. "Just admit it, you were jealous. You saw Nick and Chris on the couch and..."

"They were cuddling. Like seriously. All wound up together and shit and I'm glad that Nick has Chris to go to but... that's my job."

Lance shrugged. "You were busy with Kevin."

The sound of Justin's growl echoed in the air between them.

"Anyways. You were jealous and he was probably jealous when he called your house and Kevin answered. It's just going to get worse as time goes on. BUT.. did you really want my opinion?"

Justin snorted with laughter. "Isn't that what you've been shoving down my throat the past few minutes?"

Lance chose to ignore Justin's sarcasm. "I don't think it has anything to do with you. If Nick was upset on Kevin's machine, as he told you he was, then something was wrong BEFORE he phoned. Not that his jealousy didn't add to his already upset state of mind, but it wasn't entirely directed towards you and Kevin. So something else is bothering him and THAT'S what's important right now. What sent him to call Kevin, then you, and then ultimately to end up at Chris'? That's what you need to find out. You need to get past this bullshit jealousy and anger you're feeling towards Chris, because he was there for Nick when you weren't and find out WHY Nick needed someone. You're worked up about something, and that's fine, but it's not what's important."

Justin nodded, not even thinking about that. Of course he'd assumed that Nick was upset about hearing the two of them together, when in reality, it might have been something entirely different. "So what do I do?"

"Give him time to cool down and remove himself from the situation that he's fighting against. When he's more comfortable, he'll be able to talk about it better, but don't pressure him. Just let him come to you. And don't push him away. Don't accuse him of anything... don't make assumptions... just listen to him."

Justin sighed. Lance might have been right, but it was going to be hard waiting for Nick to come to him.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kevin covered Nick's hand with his own and gave him a soft smile. "How are you doing though? Really?"

Nick could only shrug, a battle of emotions was being waged in his mind and his heart. He was happy that things with Paris had come to a definite point and they both knew where they stood, but at the same time he was sorry that it had ended the way it had. They wouldn't be friends, not for a while anyways and that was the part that hurt him the most. That he'd lost a great friend because he didn't feel the same about her that she felt for him. He should have known that mixing sex with friendship wouldn't work, especially with her, but after they'd discussed it, he'd seriously thought that it was all going to be okay. Clearly it wasn't. "It's gonna take a while, but I'll be okay. I'm just sorry I hurt her so much."

"It's not your fault."

"I know."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, both men wanting to say so much. It didn't seem right to ruin the moment with fumbling words and uncertainty, so they remained silent and enjoyed the presence of the other. Finally it was Kevin who broke the serenity. "You really need to talk to him, let him know what's going on. With Paris, but also with him, and us, and him and you."

"I can't do that if he's not listening."

"Then tell him that too. Tell him why you shut down yesterday. Tell him how angry it made you when he came in and was upset that you were there with Chris. If you bottle it up..."

This was all stuff that Nick knew already and hearing Kevin lecture him was exhausting him more. "Kev, I know you're trying to help but I know what I need to do, all right? If you're trying not to pick sides you're doing a bad job of it."

Kevin was taken back at Nick's comment as well as the calm manner with which he'd spoken. "I didn't realize there were sides," he said finally. Kevin didn't remove his hand from Nick's thigh but didn't exactly remain comforting with the touch. He looked at Nick who was watching him thoughtfully.

"There's always sides." Against his better judgment, Nick leaned in and softly kissed Kevin's lips. It was risky, being out in the open but at that moment Nick didn't care. "But don't think I enjoyed hurting him last night, I didn't. There was just no other choice."

"You always have a choice."

Nick blinked, finally nodding. "I guess you're right."

~*~*~*~*~

Justin was halfway home from Lance's when his cell phone rang. There were half a dozen new messages in his voice mail, none of which he was all too eager to listen to or return. They'd have to wait, but as he saw the name illuminated on the screen Justin's stomach flipped and with a shaking hand he thumbed the button to answer the call. "Hello?"

"Hey. Uhhh, you too tired for company?" Nick's voice sounded tired and Justin's heart fluttered.

"Never. I'm on my way home now, just left Lance's a few minutes ago." He checked his watch to see how long it would take him to get home. "I should be home in twenty."

He heard Nick exhale and pictured Nick's face in his mind. "You hungry?" Nick's question threw him off.

"I could eat. You want me to stop and get something?"

"I'm sorta.. well you had some stuff in your freezer and I've made some chili. Biscuits are in the oven."

Justin smiled at the knowledge that Nick was in his kitchen cooking at that exact moment. He wondered how long Nick had been there. "Pretty presumptuous don't you think?"

Nick laughed softly. "Little bit. I figured if you said no, I'd finish everything up, write you a note and you'd have some dinner. Don't worry, everything's already cleaned up, so no mess."

"You know you're always welcome."

"Well drive safely, get home and...."

"Nick?"

Nick knew Justin wanted to say something in regards to the scene had the night before as well as the one that morning but it wasn't something he wanted to start on the phone. "J? It's going to be okay."

He heard Justin's jeep pull up into the garage and Nick unlatched the connecting door to let the younger man in. There were two bowls of chili sitting on the table with accompanying biscuits and all of the toppings they'd need. "If nothing else, the guys taught me how to cook," he said as if they'd been in mid conversation. "Wash up first."

Justin nodded as he approached the kitchen sink and washed his hands thoroughly. His stomach growled loudly as his nose was assaulted by the delicious aroma of spices lingering in the air. "Smells good."

"I've been working on it all day, it'd better be good." They fell into easy conversation, both ignoring the cloud hanging over top of them. It wasn't until they'd finished the meal and put the dishes in the dishwasher that they got down to the real reason for Nick's visit.

"Paris and I broke up. She's gone." Nick watched as Justin's face turned to a mask of shock, his jaw dropping with surprise.

"Shit."

"Yeah."

Wordlessly, Justin stood up and motioned for Nick to follow him into the den where they could sit more comfortably on the couch. When Nick sat directly beside him so that their thighs were touching Justin let himself finally believe that they were going to be okay. "What happened?"

For the third time in two days Nick relayed the events of his now infamous breakup with what might have been the only woman he'd have been able to have a normal relationship with. It got easier with each retelling, but also hurt as the reality sunk in that it was over. They were over. Nick wouldn't be calling her to go out for lunch, or to go shopping, or even just to come over and watch stupid movies with and cuddle. She wouldn't be phoning him to share silly stories only they thought were funny, or just to hear his voice and have him sing her good night, or any of the other million reasons they'd found to spend time together. She was out of his life.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Justin asked when Nick was finished. Nick was curled up against his side, tucked safely under his arm.

"You didn't want to hear it J. You were more focused on how YOU were feeling last night; than why I was there." Nick paused to see Justin blush. "Am I right?"

"I just didn't expect to see the two of you so cozy together. It hurt to see you go to him and..." Justin started to understand why Nick had been so distant the night before. It was all starting to make sense. "And it wasn't about me, was it?"

"No, it wasn't. Last night wasn't supposed to be about you and how YOU felt, I needed someone to focus on me. And then you came over and it was you being upset and jealous and I couldn't deal with it. It was just one more thing that was making me feel like shit and I couldn't handle it. I knew why you were upset but it wasn't fair to me."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Justin stroked Nick's scalp with gentle fingers.

"But that's just it. I can't be mad at you for being upset, because I was upset when I heard Kevin was there. Normally, if I'd have just called to chat and Kevin was there I would have been okay with it, but then there was the added stress of everything that had gone on with Paris and I just... I spazed out and went to Chris. But when you got there you were so upset and it just made me more upset that you can be with someone else but I can't."

"We're so fucked up." Justin noted. He looked down to see Nick watching him and both men broke into laughter. "Seriously, we are."

"I know. Fuck do I know." They laughed for a few more minutes until it subsided and they were once again settled against the couch. Nick's mind was still working overtime and there was something he needed to say but wasn't sure how it would be received. Holding his breath he decided it was time for truths. "This can't go on the way it is, you know that right?"

Justin's body tensed and he closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about it, about everything they were afraid to say out loud but all knew. As fun as things were, as much as he enjoyed having both Nick and Kevin in his life there had to be a limit, and they were quickly reaching that limit. Lance had been right, they were all going to get burned if they weren't careful. "I know, but..."

"No buts J."

"Do we have to think about it?"

"Aren't we thinking about it already? Every single day? Or is it just me?"

Justin shook his head. Nick was right, it was something that he thought about on a daily basis. "Let me rephrase that, do we have to think about it now?"

The day had already hit it's emotional peak hours earlier and Nick wasn't sure if he was ready for another round. For that reason, he relented and shook his head. "No, we don't. But we will need to talk about it, sometime, before it backfires on us."

Grateful for the reprieve, Justin leaned in and covered Nick's mouth with his own. They'd managed to clear up the miscommunications and problems between them and were back on steady ground. He'd long since learned to survive living day to day, moment to moment and he didn't want to think about the future when he had what he wanted in his arms right now. Plus, he'd been thinking about Nick and Chris together so much that it had forced him to make other realizations of what he wanted and where his future lay and that only confused him more. Where he'd previously thought he knew where he was heading and how he was planning to get there, what he learned about himself was that he didn't have a clue about anything. He'd just been repressing his true desires and the facade he'd been living was starting to crumble around him. Justin was starting to believe that ignorance was bliss and he'd much rather living in his ignorance.

Nick could feel Justin thinking too hard about something by the way the pressure of the kiss lessened. He pulled away and gently touched Justin's jaw with his finger. "Where are you?"

Justin shook his head and pressed his face to the juncture of Nick's neck. "Right here."

"No, you're somewhere else. Tell me what's up?" Nick felt Justin leave a trail of kisses up his jaw to his lips where he initiated another passionate kiss. The desire to talk fled Nicks' mind and he lost himself in the feel of Justin's mouth on his, their bodies pressed together and the soft, appreciative moans coming from the other man.

The sound of the doorbell interrupted them causing for both men to grumble at sucky timing. "Don't they know we're busy?" Nick mumbled as he untangled their legs from one another.

Justin couldn't help but giggle at Nick. "Oh don't be a baby." He headed towards the front door, Nick on his tail. The sight of Kevin on the other side was a surprise to both men. Clearly Kevin hadn't expected to find Nick there either. "Kevin."

Kevin's eyes landed on Justin before moving to Nick. Their lips were both swollen and pink, cheeks flushed and Nick's hair was standing at odd angles, a definite sign of someone's manipulation. He'd clearly interrupted something and judging from the looks of surprise on their faces, he was right. "Justin. Nick." He furrowed his eyebrows as he took a deep breath. "I left a few messages on your cell J. I said I was going to stop by on my way home. But you're busy.."

Nick's laughter was sharp and loud, startling everyone. "What the fuck is up with that word. "BUSY". You're busy... we're busy... it's a code word for us trying to say that we're pissed that we've interrupted something but we don't want to start a fight. I fucking hate that word. Yes we're busy, but we're always busy doing something. It's a matter of interrupting and knowing when you are and when you aren't wanted. And you are wanted. You always are."

Kevin looked at Justin for agreement, pleased to see him smile and nod. "It's nothing that couldn't be interrupted..." Justin looked back at Nick, flashing him a sexy smile. Nick smiled back, understanding what was being proposed. "...or paused. We could always continue if you're so inclined."

The door shut with a definite click and Justin pulled Kevin into his arms, kissing him with teasing strokes of his tongue and lips. Kevin's eyes remained open watching Nick watch them with hazy eyes. For what could possibly have been the first time ever, Kevin realized he wasn't hard. He wasn't hard and wasn't interested in what Justin was proposing. Extracting himself from the younger man's arms he shook his head. "I... I don't think so J. Not tonight. You two continue with what you were doing, I'll just wait down in the basement until you're finished."

Nick and Justin watched in complete surprise as Kevin passed by both of them and headed down the stairs to the den in the basement. The two men stared at one another, as if trying to figure out what they had just missed. "What was that?" Justin asked. He approached Nick and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"I don't know. He didn't look mad just ..."

"Confused." Their lips met in a soft kiss which slowly escalated to hungry and desperate. Justin broke the kiss with a whimper and tugged Nick towards the stairs to his bedroom. "Come on..."

Nick allowed himself to be directed towards the stairs but something was holding him back, the thought of Kevin sitting downstairs alone with something obviously weighing on his mind. He stopped and pulled on Justin's hand. When Justin turned to look at him with confusion Nick only nodded in the direction of the basement. "We should..."

Justin let out the breath he was holding. He knew Nick was right but hadn't wanted to think too much about it. He'd hoped Nick would go upstairs with him and make him forget about everything that had happened the past few days, but with Kevin's arrival it wasn't looking too optimistic. "Just a quick.."

He knew Nick would refuse before the blonde had shaken his head. Nick was right, it just didn't seem right.

"Okay, lets go down." Their lips met in a quick kiss before Nick pulled Justin towards the downstairs den. Kevin was sitting on the couch, the TV on low and his head resting back against the back with his eyes closed. He looked surprised when he opened his eyes to find Nick and Justin standing there before him.

"I thought you two were going to..."

"We were," Nick answered, sitting on the couch at the other end.

"And you're not now?"

Justin shook his head as he sat down on the chair to Kevin's left. "No."

Nick reached over to grab the converter from Kevin's lap, changing the channel to a TV guide channel. "Austin Powers just started ten minutes ago Nick, channel 270." Justin pulled the blanket from behind him and covered his legs as he made himself comfortable.

With the volume adjusted and the proper channel picked, the three men settled back to watch the movie, everyone ignoring the giant pink elephant chilling in the corner.

Finis


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