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there." Both men laughed at memories past, the fun they had the last time visiting the restaurant.
"I think I like it better like this. Just us. Don't you?" Nick looked directly into Howie's eyes, smiling before
averting his eyes to his plate. He couldn't explain what he was feeling at that moment. It was like nothing he'd
ever experienced, and if it wasn't Howie sitting across the table from him he would have been scared, unsure.
But it was his best friend and he knew that whatever was happening, was going to be okay.
"Yeah Nicky. I definitely do." Howie reached his hand across the table and covered Nick's with it, squeezing
slightly before pulling it back and picking up his own menu, hands trembling.
Dinner was the best that either had experienced in as long as they both could remember. They'd both
ordered something different and shared, tasting each other's plates. They finished the meal with an
espresso and Italian pastries, leaving only after they were both complaining about how much they'd eaten.
They then made their way to the theatre, choosing a movie that had started only 10 minutes earlier so they
could walk into the theatre without anyone paying attention to them. Howie led Nick to the back row, picking
the darkest area of the theatre. Knowing that if anyone recognized them, their quiet night would be lost and
the bubble would be broken. About halfway through the movie, Howie was startled when he felt Nick's
fingers lace with his own. He slowly turned his head to see Nick slouching down in his seat, trying to get
comfortable in the too small seats. Nick smiled and rested his head on Howie's shoulder, like he'd done so
many times before while they'd watch movies curled up on the couch. Nick w as someone who craved
affection, loved attention, and Howie was more than obliged to provide that to him. "Is this okay D?" Nick
whispered, his eyes wide and a hint of fear of rejection could be seen in them.
"Yeah Nicky. It's more than alright." Howie held Nick's hand tighter, letting him know that he didn't want him to
go anywhere.
And they spent the rest of the movie like that. Holding hands, with Nick's head on Howie's shoulder, both
men oblivious to the world around them. They waited until they were the last people in the theatre before
leaving, again wanting to avoid the rush of people exiting the movie. They engaged in small talk, passing the
time and both attempting to push their anxious feelings away, not wanting to make more of the evening than
it was. Which was two guys going to dinner and a movie. As friends. Just friends. Friends who hold hands.
And stare into each others' eyes with feelings they couldn't quite explain. But friends. Various times in the
night both Howie and Nick had to remind themselves of that because it's what it was. Friends hanging out.
Right.
"So ya wanna go to the boardwalk? See the boats and lights of the city?" Howie asked, nodding towards the
water seeing Nick's eyes light up once again.
"You don't mind? I know it's boring for you." Nick's voice was soft, tentative as he was trying to figure
everything out. The evening was so familiar to him that it was eerie. It was such a new experience, but there
was a sense of familiarity that he couldn't shake. Nick led the way to the end of the pier, sitting down on one
of the benches and waiting for Howie to do the same.
"This has been such a beautiful night." Nick said suddenly, breaking the silence that had overtaken them.
"It has. Thank you." Nick could hear the smile in Howie's voice without even having to look at him. He could
picture the way the older man's eyes were crinkled up at the corners, the way his lips stretched around his
perfect teeth, and the way his skin would glow whenever he was truly happy. Nick could see that without
even having to turn around, and he was hit with a sense of completion. Peace.
"You know what Howie?"
"What Nick."
"I'd always pictured what my first real date would be like. How perfect it would be, how I would feel, what we
would do. I'd always imagined it and had it played out in my head. And tonight, tonight I've been feeling like
I've done this before, like I'm in a time loop and this is just...."
"Like deja vu?" Howie's heart began to race and he wasn't sure where Nick was going with this. He was very
nervous all of a sudden and he dared to hope that Nick was feeling what he was feeling.
"Yeah. But in my dream, in the fantasy I could never get a clear picture of their face. I tried so hard to see who
it was that I was with, but it was always so fuzzy. I just realized.. Right now that I was looking too hard. Trying to
see what I thought was there, instead of seeing what was really there. Does that make sense?" Nick waited for
Howie to give him a shaky nod and he continued. "I was trying to put the pieces together but they wouldn't fit.
But now it's so clear. I can see the other person."
Howie took a deep breath, with it gaining a new sense of confidence. He leaned in and took Nick's face in his
hands, turning his head so they were face to face. "Who is it Nicky?" His voice was barely a whisper, and Nick
could hear a slight tremble there.
"It was you." Three words. Those three words made Howie's heart soar. He gave Nick a small smile before
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