< Chapter 43

Chapter 44

The second that Chris stepped away from the rest of his band and the man discussing a possible recording deal, Kevin tapped him on the shoulder and nodded towards the back of the bar. "Can we talk?" Kevin knew that Chris was eager to get back to Justin to continue with their plan to make out, but Kevin needed to talk to him immediately. Lance had given him a lot to think about, and Kevin was more confused than ever. Or maybe he was finally thinking properly, which only made him feel as though the thoughts he was having were confusing.

"I was hoping to talk to J..." Chris took one look at the expression on Kevin’s face and nodded. Justin would have to wait, again. Wanting to make sure that Justin was somewhere he could see him, he scanned the crowd to find his boyfriend talking to Nick, Christina and Britney at a nearby table. Their eyes met and Chris pointed towards Kevin and made talking gestures. Justin’s pout disappeared the instant Chris snapped his teeth at him.

"You two are weird," Kevin commented as he followed Chris towards the back of the room. Chris turned around and raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"We’re weird? Coming from the guy who’s dating someone and doesn’t even realize it."

Kevin’s face fell and he took a deep breath. "Even if that might have been true in the past, it’s not true anymore."

"What happened?"

They found an empty spot and sat down. Kevin started ripping up a cardboard coaster while Chris folded his hands together on the table in front of him. "Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since the whole fiasco at the Shake Shack last month," he paused and Chris nodded. "And Nick’s been ignoring me and pretty much won’t be alone with me. So tonight, I asked if he wanted to go outside, to talk..."

"Which in Nick and Kevin speak is make out," Chris pointed out. Kevin frowned and shook his head.

"I wanted to talk to him."

"You wanted to make out with him. Do not sit here and lie to me saying that wasn’t on your mind." When he noticed that Kevin was getting agitated, Chris changed his direction. "It’s not a bad thing, but Kevin, every single time you’ve gone outside to talk, you’ve ended up licking at his tonsils and having him pretty much willing to do anything you ask of him."

Kevin sighed. He turned to look at Nick who was laughing at something Justin had said. His eyes were twinkling and his skin was practically glowing with the smile on his lips. If he tried hard enough, Kevin could hear the light, wonderful sound of Nick’s laughter. His stomach clenched and a look of pain crossed his face. He wished that things could be simple, but most of all, he wished he could go back and tell Nick what he’d wanted to that night in the car when the blonde had admitted his love for him.

"So you asked him to go outside to talk," Chris tried to get back on course. Kevin looked like he was in immense pain, and although Chris silently felt that it was justified, he still hated seeing his best friend hurting. "And?"

"He said no. Said that he wasn’t going to set himself up to get hurt again and said good bye."

Chris flinched and Kevin nodded. "Ouch. It’s his right, but still. That hurts."

"More than anything else in my life," Kevin admitted sadly. "I mean, if it’s what I want, it shouldn’t be this hard, right?"

"Is it? What you want?" Chris asked. They had gone through this conversation a million times before, but there was something in Kevin’s face, in his tone of voice that told Chris this time was different. Kevin seemed to be listening to what he was saying, and his argument had deviated from the usual script.

"I don’t know," Kevin said. "I don’t think it was ever what I WANTED. It was what I thought was best for him and for me, but now I'm not so sure. I mean, my parents have already pretty much disowned me for not going out east for school and following my father’s footsteps, why should this be any different."

Chris raised an eyebrow in agreement. He knew the Richardsons better than he would like to admit, and it was amazing that Kevin had turned out as well rounded as he had. The Richardsons had very high standards to uphold, and Kevin coming home with a boyfriend was definitely not included in those standards. The plan had been for Kevin and Gretchen to court in high school and then marry after grad school when they were both on their way to making their parents proud in an acceptable profession. Their relationship had been more of a merger and a business deal than anything and Kevin’s rank in his parents eyes had gone down considerably when they’d broken up. It wasn't to say that Gretchen hadn’t been just as thrilled to be rid of Kevin as Kevin was to be rid of her, but his parents blamed him for their failed relationship.

"If I'm gonna go to hell, which they’ve assured me I am, I might as well enjoy the trip down there."

Chris’ face broke out into a giant grin and he clapped Kevin on the back. "See, now you’ve adopted the Kirkpatrick way of life. You can’t please everyone any of the time, so please yourself all of the time and fuck everyone else. I deviated from my plan Valentine’s day and look how shitty that turned out. So I said fuck it, accepted that I was head over heels for a fifteen year old child, boy child at that, and have been enjoying it since."

"You make yourself sound so old," Kevin laughed. "You’re seventeen."

"Almost eighteen. Same like you, which was your reasoning for not going out with Nick if I remember correctly."

Kevin’s eyes narrowed and he glared at Chris who was smiling at him. Finally, Kevin relented and smiled at his best friend. "So, now what do I do?"

"About what?"

"About my life? I’m going to UCLA in the fall, which is ..."

"Not as far from here as you keep liking to think it is. I mean shit Kev, you’ve got your car, you can be back in a few hours whenever you want."

"And I’ll be in college, he’s still in high school..."

"Which will only be an issue if you make it one."

"You’re making this hard for me to ignore," Kevin accused. Chris only smiled.

"Good, it’s about fucking time." Chris grabbed a hold of Kevin’s arm and squeezed firmly. "Do you want to be with him? It’s your choice, you both know this. You’ve always had the upper hand Kevin because he’s made it clear that whenever you say the word, he’s yours. So you have to decide if you do or don’t want to be with him."

"I do, I always have."

"The first step is admitting it," Chris said warmly. "Now, it’s doing something about it. You’re going to have to start off slow though, gain his trust back." Kevin nodded, he knew this already. "Just ...talk to him. Talk, no kissing, no touching, just talk. Let him know how you feel, treat him as your equal. He’s hurt right now, but if he knows you’re hurting too, it will make forgiving you easier. Not that he really has to forgive you, if he still loves you, which it’s so obvious he does..."

"Why do you say that? How can it be obvious when I’ve hurt him so much."

Chris smiled nodding in the direction that Nick and Justin were sitting. "It’s obvious because he’s sitting there, watching you with the same kicked puppy look that you’ve been watching him with all night." Kevin turned his head and sure enough, Nick was staring at them with a lost look on his face. When Nick saw him looking, he looked away quickly, only to check to make sure if Kevin was still looking, he was.

"Oh."

"Yeah, so he still loves you. You’ve known how he’s felt since the beginning of the year, now, I’ll admit that you haven’t really approached this whole thing in the most conducive way, but that’s the past and we’re focusing on the future. On how you can change things. Just talk to him, treat him normally and don’t push him. He wants to trust you, he wants to be with you, he just isn’t sure if you do."

"I do. So much."

"Then show him that," Chris said warmly. "Now, if you don’t mind, my boyfriend dressed up, shaved his head and is wearing eyeliner for me. I need to go kiss him or I’m going to go insane."

Justin watched as Chris crossed the room, eyes focused on him and him alone. He felt his stomach flip excitedly and he grinned. Nick squeezed his thigh under the table. "I’ll let you two have some privacy," Nick whispered. Justin tore his eyes from Chris’ and smiled gratefully at his best friend.

"Thanks."

Nick winked in response. He headed back to their table, making a conscious effort not to look in Kevin’s direction. When he joined the table, the emotional strain of the night had caught up with him and he felt exhausted. "Is anyone ready to go home?" He asked hopefully.

"You’re not waiting for Justin?" Lance asked in surprise. The whole table looked over to where Chris had already pounced on him and their mouths were fused together. Nick rolled his eyes and smirked.

"He won’t be done for a while, I don’t wanna wait that long." Nick hated making his friends leave early, but he didn’t feel like being there any longer. Thankfully, Lance nodded.

"Actually, I’m pretty tired and we were just talking about heading out."

"Really?" Nick asked.

AJ nodded. "Really. Mom has decided that once exams are over, I’m supposed to get some sort of a job, and since I wouldn’t look for one on my own, she got me one washing dishes at the restaurant she works at. So I have to go in tomorrow and talk to the owner. She’s making me go in with her at seven when she goes."

The whole table snorted and laughed as AJ glared at them.

"So I could definitely get some sleep, because then I’ve got to start studying for my first exam on Monday afternoon." AJ looked at the rest of the table who were all shaking their heads.

"This is my last night of freedom for over a week and a half, I’m staying out as late as possible," Josh said. Christina and Britney nodded their agreement.

"Yeah, we’re here till the bitter end."

They said their good byes, Nick taking a moment to hug the girls and promised to figure out more about their anti-prom idea. As they were passing Kevin, Nick couldn’t help but turn to the older boy and smile. "Bye Kevin, see you later." The smile that resulted set his heart a flutter.

"Later Nicky, good luck on your exams."

Despite his intentions of creating a distance between them, Nick stopped for a moment. "Will ...will I see you during exams?"

Kevin gave Nick a appreciative smile and nodded. "I hope so."

"Me too," Nick said softly before blushing and nodding towards the door. "Well, I’ve gotta go. But I’ll see you later."

"I’ll look forward to it."

Nick stepped forward, gave Kevin a quick hug and ran to catch up with AJ and Lance who were waiting for him at the door. With a sad heart filled with a newfound ray of hope, Kevin watched the blonde leave pleased that it wouldn’t be forever.

~*~*~*


Justin felt Chris’ tongue press against his own and he whimpered, moving as close to his boyfriend as he could. They were at an awkward angle, stuffed into a booth that was most definitely not accommodating to their desire to be at a horizontal position. Justin was as far on Chris’ lap as he could wedge himself, his leather encased erection pressed tightly against Chris’ thigh, which he was desperately trying to grind against.

The kiss broke as Chris gasped for breath. Justin moved his mouth up Chris’ jaw to his ear. "So, do you really think I look hot?" He nibbled on the skin of Chris’ throat, loving the mewling noises he could cause Chris to make.

"Fuck... You are so damn hot," Chris growled. I don’t know what is hotter, you in leather, or you in make up."

"You in leather and make up would be hotter," Justin sighed as he captured Chris’ mouth in another kiss. "You naked with me sprawled out on top of you would be hottest," Justin giggled at the strangled moan that resulted.

"Would you be naked?" Chris asked. Justin wiggled his eyebrows.

"I’d be whatever you wanted me to be."

"Yeah?" Chris asked, his mind was already wandering. Justin nodded. "Like, if I wanted you in a thong?"

"I’d get one." Justin giggled at the mental image of him wearing a thong. "What colour?"

"Baby blue, to match your eyes," Chris stroked the side of Justin’s face, looking deep into his boyfriend’s captivating eyes.

"What else? What else do you think about?"

Chris’ hands took Justin’s and he stroked his wrists gingerly. "Silk ties ...or leather restraints. You wearing leather cuffs..."

Justin’s breath got caught in his throat. "Like ...tying me up?"

Chris shrugged. "Maybe." He looked into Justin’s eyes, wanting to make sure he was okay. "Would that be .."

Justin nodded enthusiastically, a grin on his lips. "Yeah-huh. I trust you, I know you wouldn’t ever hurt me. And as long as you didn’t..."

"I wouldn’t ever do anything you didn’t want," Chris promised, kissing Justin’s forehead before capturing his lips in a passionate yet warming kiss. "But that would be so sexy."

"What else? Tell me more." Justin begged, his voice hoarse. He buried his face in Chris’ throat, just wanting to hear his boyfriend talk to him and tell him what he fantasized about.

"You dressed as a girl would be hot," Chris admitted. He was slightly embarrassed by that fantasy, but he knew that Justin wouldn’t make fun of him for it. He trusted Justin with his heart, which was more than he’d ever done before. When Justin raised his face, Chris nodded. "Yeah."

"Like ...in a dress?"

"Skirt, silk panties underneath," Chris whispered. His hand traveled up Justin’s thigh to his bulge, which he cupped firmly. "Knowing that you’d be hard for me underneath. Maybe have you dance for me. I love how you shake your hips when you dance, it’s so hot."

"Do you ever..." Justin asked, his voice trailing off. He wanted Chris to answer something for him, but he wasn’t sure how to ask. "Do you ever think about us..."

"Us what baby?"

"Doing it?" Justin’s face burned with embarrassment and he buried his face in Chris’ throat again. "Like us having sex? Do you ever think about it?"

Chris pressed against Justin’s groin harder, loving the way he trembled at the touch. "All the time. I think about how it will feel, how it will taste, how it will smell. I wonder about it all," Chris admitted. He was a horny teenage boy, of course sex was on his mind constantly.

"Do you want to be on top or bottom?"

Chris could feel Justin trembling and he kissed the side of his face. "J? Look at me please." When Justin shook his head, Chris said it again, this time firmer. "Please, look at me."

Justin raised his head, his cheeks going even more red. "I ...if you don’t want to answer..."

Chris shook his head. "I don’t want you to be embarrassed in asking me," Chris said softly as he kissed Justin’s nose. "I do think about it, and when I do.. I don’t really think about anything more than the other. I think about you being on top, and I think about me being on top."

"I think about you being on top," Justin admitted with a shiver.

"And do you like it? When I’m on top?"

"I like it when you’re on top of me when we’re making out," Justin said.

"Making out is different than sex."

"I know." Justin swallowed, and covered his face. "I just don’t know, and I want so bad to do it, to go all the way with you, but I’m scared too sometimes. Scared mostly that it’s going to hurt too much."

"That’s natural J, sex can be scary when you’ve never done it before. And the pain is a natural side effect."

Justin’s eyes widened. He wasn’t sure what Chris was getting at. "Have you...?"


Chris furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. "You know I haven’t. I told you that before."

"But you just said ...how you said it... I thought maybe you were talking from experience." Justin watched Chris shake his head.

"No, I’m not and I haven’t. I just ...I don’t ever want you to do something you’re not comfortable with, even if you think I want to do it, tell me how you really feel." Chris needed Justin to know that more than anything else. He knew that Justin trusted him whole heartedly, and if Chris told him to do something, he would do it without thinking twice. It was flattering to know, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure he wanted that much power. Chris hated to think that someone else might take advantage of Justin, and promised himself never to let that happen.

"I will. I know that I can say anything to you and you’ll understand," Justin said softly.

Chris nodded. "That’s right. Even if we’re doing something we’ve already done before, and you don’t want to do it... No matter what it is, always stop me if you’re uncomfortable. I would hate to push you thinking you wanted it, only to find out you didn’t. I would never forgive myself."

Justin’s lips curled into a sexy smile which caused for Chris to blush.

"What?"

"You. You’re such a softy. You keep people at arms length so they can’t get too close to you, and you have this mean persona about you, but inside, you’re this awesomely sensitive boyfriend who worries more about everyone else than you do about yourself." He watched Chris’ face turn an impressive shade of red and giggled. "It’s true."

"I thought we agreed not to talk about it," Chris whined. He sighed when Justin shook his head and kissed his nose playfully.

"I just want you to know, that I know I’m young, but I know what I’m feeling. I don’t know if we’re going to be together forever. I mean, I hope we are because I can’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else, ever. But I love you so much Chris and I’m really glad that you changed your mind about me."

Chris looked away, the shame still lingering in his heart over Valentine’s Day and his refusal to accept Justin into his life.

"No, don’t do that. Don’t get all upset. You did what you had to do, just like Kevin’s been doing what he had to do to get to this point. But the thing is, you followed your heart."

"To you." They shared a smile and a quick kiss before Justin leaned back and nuzzled Chris’ cheek with his nose.

"You know," he started with a giggle. "My momma wants to talk to you. She wants you to come over for dinner."


Chris felt his eyes nearly bug out as his pulse accelerated to dizzying speeds. "What?"

Justin nodded. "Yeah, she said if you are important enough for me to shave my head for, she needs you to come over for dinner so she can appropriately meet you." Although Lynn Timberlake had met Chris on many occasions, she’d always thought that her son’s relationship with Chris had been on a superficial level. To her, they were just good friends who were dating, although at their ages, unsure of how serious it could be. When she’d picked her son up after school that day at the mall where he’d told her he was getting his hair cut, she had nearly ran the car into the post on the sidewalk out of surprise at her son’s curl less head.

"But ..."

"She’s not mad," Justin said, knowing that was what Chris was immediately worried about. She hadn’t been too impressed that he’d shaved his head, but it was much better than a lot of other things he could have done so she hadn’t complained too much. "I was just warned no piercing or tattoos until I'm at least seventeen."

"Eighteen," Chris countered. Justin raised an eyebrow and he shrugged. "I don’t want you getting something that in a few months you’ll regret. So eighteen is a good enough age as any."

"You want to get on her good side," Justin suggested, "you tell her you said that. She’ll love you even more than she already does."

"She doesn’t love me," Chris said with a pout. He giggled when Justin leaned in to bite his lower lip playfully.

"She does because I do. She has to, it’s not negotiable. Now, my dad..." He felt Chris tense up at the mention of his father and burst into laughter. "Well, just get that record deal and he won’t really care either way. As long as you’re going somewhere with this ‘rock band’ and ‘punk lifestyle’ he is fine with it. A man with no direction, is no man at all," Justin said imitating his father perfectly.

It was only when Chris and Justin rejoined the rest of the group that they realized how late it was, well past any of their curfews. "Hopefully my parents will ground me for a week and a half, not letting me go anywhere, even school." Britney said optimistically. Christina’s snort of laughter caused her to scowl.

"I doubt that Brit. Good try though."

They all headed to the parking lot, saying their good byes and good lucks as they all got into their respective cars. In less than two weeks they would be off for summer holidays. Each of them paused for a moment to reflect on how much difference a year made and how they had never thought the school year would turn out the way it had.

End Chapter 44


Chapter 45 >