< Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Nick slammed his locker shut and groaned in frustration. He wished like nothing else that he could rewind time back a few months and redo his December exams. Back during his first semester, he had only been forced to write three exams, which was a relatively light coarse load. The sounds of his laughter directed at his best friend for having to write five still rang in his ear, and now that their positions were reversed, that Justin was only writing three and he had five, the situation didn’t seem as funny as it once had.

"What are you complaining about," Justin snickered as he approached his best friend’s locker. "I did it."

"I know, but that was you, and it was funny then." They both burst into laughter, Justin’s much lighter than Nick’s.

"You’ll do fine," Christina sighed. "You always freak out about tests, and then you get them back and you do really well..."

"It’s not the mark I hate, it’s the getting to that point. Studying, writing, obsessing."

They still had a week before exams started and Nick had concocted a plan over a month ago. He’d start studying then, so when exams came he’d be ready for them. Well a month had passed by and each night Nick had told himself he still had tons of time. That time had since run out and he was no better off than he had been a month earlier.

"How bad can it be, right? I mean, all you have to do is find out what you need to pass, and then just go from there." Justin suggested. "That’s what I did. Like, I was freaking out about one exam, then I realized to fail the class, I needed to get like a twenty percent on the exam, so I stopped worrying as much."

Nick and Lance exchanged smiles and they both nodded in agreement. "Wow, that’s brilliant. How did you come up with that idea?" Nick asked.

Justin smirked. "Aje told me."

"About?" AJ asked as he joined the group.

"Your math regarding exams and final marks." AJ grinned and high fived Justin.

"Exactly, takes the fear out of writing exams."

They were still talking about exams as Chris walked down the hall towards them, a pile of papers in his hands. "Here you all go," Chris said, handing them out to everyone. "We’re having a show this Friday night to mark the beginning of exams. Stress reliever before people go nuts with studying."

Nick grinned and put a poster up in his locker. Christina and Britney did the same while Justin slid his into his binder with a smile.

"You’re gonna come right?"

"Duh," Justin answered. "We’re totally there."

Chris looked at the others, pleased to see them all smiling and nodding. "Good, there are supposed to be record people there. The other band that is playing, just got signed and they want to come out and see their talent again to make sure they did the right thing. I’m hoping that if they see us, they can hook us up."

"We’ll totally be there," Britney said with a grin. "And I’ll have Billy tell all of St. Petes about it too, the place will be jammed to hear you."

Since Lance’s party, Nick had effectively been avoiding Kevin. He wouldn’t ignore him if they were directly talking to one another, but he didn’t seek out the senior, and he surely didn’t do anything where they would be in a position to be alone somewhere together. Nick knew his resolve still wasn’t that strong and even the slightest affection would turn into something more. And Nick had made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t fall victim to Kevin’s charms again.

It was killing him, and it had been the longest month of his life, but he finally felt comfortable that he was making progress. Chris had warned him that Kevin would be at the concert on Friday night, and hoped that Nick would still go. There was never a doubt that Nick would be there with Justin, standing in the front row screaming at the top of his lungs for Chris’ band. The week passed by much quicker than Nick would have wanted, and he knew that on the other side of the weekend, his exams loomed.

Nick had decided that Friday night would be his night to let loose and have a good time, and then after that he’d start studying. He had no choice as his first exam was first thing Monday morning. He hadn’t been expecting the heart attack that he had upon arriving at Justin’s house on Friday night at seven.

It was a truly beautiful June evening. Nick had opted to wear a pair of jeans, a tee shirt and a hoodie, figuring that if he was too hot, he’d take the hoodie off. The second that the door swung open, Nick had to check the address to make sure he had the right house.

"J...JUSTIN?" Nick screamed. His jaw dropped and his eyes nearly bugged out. "Is that..."

Justin stood in front of him, blushing slightly. He moved to run his fingers through his curls, forgetting that he no longer had anything to nervously fidget with. Nick stood before him, frozen in shock and Justin laughed nervously. "Come in."

"I .. I don’t know if I want to." Nick took another look and stepped back. He took in Justin’s whole appearance and felt his stomach flip a few times. Justin’s curls were completely gone as he had shaved them off. Instead of his usual jeans or baggy wind pants he was wearing a pair of leather pants that fit him perfectly. Instead of a jersey or oversized tee shirt, he wore a tight, black shirt that hugged his newly forming muscular body. There were chains going from his belt loop to his back pocket, his fingernails were painted black and if Nick was right, Justin was wearing eyeliner. "What happened?"

"Do I look awful?"

Nick shook his head. In no way could he categorize what Justin looked like to be considered awful. It wasn’t Justin's normal attire, which was why Nick was as shocked as he was, but it didn’t look bad. In fact, if Justin wasn’t his best friend, Nick would have thought Justin was one of the hottest boys he’d ever seen. "Fuck no, you’re hot."

Justin’s nervous smile turned into a genuine one and he bounced eagerly. "I told everyone we’d meet them down there. I want to take the bus, so we can surprise them when we arrive. Is that okay?"

Nick nodded, still silent. Justin went inside, grabbed his jacket and ran back out, pulling Nick towards the bus stop. "I feel silly," Nick admitted.

"What, walking with me?"

"No, looking so boring. I look like a goober and you look all sexy." Justin beamed at the compliment and hugged his best friend. "Nah, you look good too."

"Why are you wearing that?" Nick asked as they waited for the bus. The schedule said one would be by in less than ten minutes, so they enjoyed the nice evening air.

"For Chris. I wanted to surprise him. You think he’ll like it?"

Nick gave an enthusiastic nod. "He’s totally going to love it. He’s gonna want to tear your clothes right off."

"Awesome."

They talked the entire way downtown to the Underground where the concert was taking place at. Walking past the huge line up, Justin headed straight for the bouncer. Everyone started screaming at them and he simply waved them off. "I’m on the list," he said to the large man standing at the door.

"Names?" The man barely flinched.

"Justin and Nick." They waited until he gave a briefest hint of a smile and stepped an inch to the right. "Go on in."

"Thanks." Once they got inside, Justin put down ten dollars to pay for both of their cover and they held out their hands for the giant black x that they knew would decorate their skin. Moments later they were inside, surprised to see just how busy it was in there.

It took them maybe ten minutes to find the rest of the group. They’d secured a table coats lining the extra chairs. Nick smiled as he approached, knowing he wanted to be good and close for their reactions when seeing Justin. They did not disappoint.

"HOLY SHIT!" Lance yelped as Justin sat down and smiled at him. He had to do a double take, unsure if it really was Justin in front of him or someone else. The laughter coming from Nick knew he wasn’t seeing things, it was Justin. "What did you do?"

"What are you talking ab..." AJ stopped mid sentence as he jaw dropped and his head fell forward. "Justin?"

"What’s up guys? Did we miss anything?" Justin tried to play it off, ignoring their looks of confusion and curiosity, but finally it became too much and he started to giggle. He stood up and twirled around, showing them the whole picture. "What do you think?"

"I think I’m about to have a heart attack!" Lance said truthfully.

"I think Chris is going to fucking love it," AJ said truthfully. "I mean, he’ll be surprised, but it’s so obvious that you did this for him, which is so cool."

"You don’t think he’ll think I’m lame?" Justin asked nervously. He had thought, midway through getting his head shaved that he might be going too far and that Chris would hate it. It wasn’t like the curls wouldn’t grow back, and Justin could change his clothes. He wasn’t planning on wearing this all the time, just whenever Chris wanted him to. Because knowing he was dressed up for the older boy made Justin’s stomach flutter with excitement.

"I don’t know," Nick said softly. "Ask him, he’s on his way over."

Chris saw Justin’s familiar gang sitting down at the table. He headed over, wondering where Justin was. Nick was there, and Chris distinctly remembered Justin telling him that he’d be going with Nick, so he had to be there somewhere. Unless he didn’t come. When he approached, he was blatantly aware that everyone was staring at him. "Hey guys."

"Hey Chris," Nick said. His smile was too bright and Chris knew something was up. Looking at Lance, and AJ, their expressions were similar to Nick’s and that made him start to worry.

"What’s with the creepy smiles," he asked. "And where the hell is J? He said he was coming with you."

Nick’s eyes darted from Chris to Justin and then back again. "He did come with me."

"Then where is he?"

"Uhhh, right here." Chris looked at the person who was sitting directly to his right. He was just about to ask Nick who their new friend was, when the person turned to look at him, causing for him to nearly faint. The voice was familiar, as were the eyes that were staring back at him, but the person itself, Chris barely recognized.

Justin saw Chris looking at him closely and he stood up, very self conscious. He tugged nervously at the shirt he was wearing and flashed his boyfriend a hesitant smile. "Surprise?"

"Holy Jesus," Chris gasped as he continued to stare at Justin. He took in everything from Justin’s newly shaved head to the leather pants to the super tight tee shirt he was wearing. He saw that Justin was wearing the briefest hint of eyeliner, which only made his blue eyes stand out even more. Chris felt his groin throb behind his ripped jeans and gave an embarrassingly loud whimper of appreciation. "What did you do?" Chris asked as he ran his head over Justin’s scalp. He watched as Justin’s eyes fluttered shut, enjoying the feel of Chris’ hand on him.

"I cut it... You like?"

Chris nodded, a grin on his lips. "Me like. Me like a lot."

The smile on Justin’s face turned from terrified to that of relief, as he realized that Chris wasn’t going to freak out. "I wasn’t sure... But I thought you might like me like this."

Chris pulled Justin close, wrapping his arms around the younger boy’s waist. "I like you the way you are, so don’t ever think you have to change for me. But I will admit, seeing you like this is so hot. You’re so hot."

"Yeah?" Justin asked as he leaned down to brush his lips against Chris’.

"Yeah. And you did this for me?"

Justin nodded. He brought his mouth down to Chris’ ear. "All for you. I wanted to try and be all bad for you." Justin gave Chris his best snarl, growling in the older teen’s ear. Chris’ knees buckled as he whimpered again.

All Chris wanted to do was take Justin in the back room and kiss him, touch him and show him just how much he liked Justin looking like this. Unfortunately, he couldn’t.

"Kirkpatrick," the drummer called from a few feet away. "We’re on in ten."

Chris groaned as he pulled away. "Save that thought for later," he whispered, pinching Justin’s ass.

When Chris was gone, Justin turned around and did a shimmy for the whole table. They broke into laughter as he sat beside Nick and curled up with him. "You’re so lucky," Nick whispered against Justin’s cheek. He smiled as Justin nodded.

"I really am."

Nick sighed and hugged Justin tighter. "I’m so jealous."

That comment made Justin frown as he thought about Kevin and how horribly he’d treated Nick. He sat up and looked Nick directly in the eye. Nick, understanding Justin’s expression shook his head.

"Oh, in the best most not upset way I’m jealous. I mean, I’m not *really* jealous because, hey it’s Chris and he’s so not my type. But jealous in I think it’s great and hopefully one day someone will love me like he loves you."

Nick’s words hadn’t eased Justin’s mind and the frown remained on his face. Before he could say something, people heading in their direction caught his eye and his frown turned into a scowl.

Kevin followed Brian through the crowd, hoping that he’d see Nick, but at the same time afraid that he would. Nick had been avoiding him since that night at the Shake Shack for Lance’s birthday, and as much as it hurt him, Kevin understood why. If he were Nick, he would stay away from him too. Except that he wasn’t Nick, and Nick was one of the only bright spots in his life, well up until he’d fucked it up and pushed him away.

Kevin was screwed.

He had only a week and a half left of high school before prom then graduation, which meant his entrance into the world of post secondary education, one that was already off to a particularly rocky start.

Kevin had received all of his letters regarding the colleges and universities that he’d applied for. In a move that had surprised even him, he’d gotten in everywhere. The only challenge was to decide what he wanted to do. Go to school for his father, or himself. Kevin selfishly chose himself. And his father had done what he’d threatened he’d do, cut him off. His mother had assured him that they would still pay for his education, except she hadn’t anticipated Kevin’s father standing true to his word of not paying for Kevin if he didn’t go to a Richardson approved university, for a Richardson approved area of study. Environmental Resource Studies at UCLA was not on the list, either of them.

At the suggestion of his guidance councilor in the fall, Kevin had applied for every grant, bursary and scholarship that he was eligible for, especially ones that didn’t often get many applications, hoping that they would come his way. With the grants and scholarships that he did get, along with the nearly full scholarship just for football that UCLA gave him, Kevin didn’t have to worry about paying for school, that would all be done for him. And as long as he played football and maintained an adequate average, Kevin would have four years of tuition, books and board paid for him. It still didn’t make up for the lack of support he had received at home.

There were a million times that Kevin had wanted to pick up the phone to call Nick, but each time he did he could hear Nick’s angry cries echoing in his ears and knew that he had to stay away from the blonde, no matter how much it killed him.

As they wove their way through the Underdog, Kevin realized where Brian was heading. Towards the table that Nick’s friends were sitting at. And wherever there were Nick’s friends, Nick was always close by. By the time he realized where they were going, it was too late and Kevin felt his stomach sink. There was a boy sitting next to Nick, who Kevin was stunned to recognize as Justin, scowling at him. Nick turned his head, most likely to see who Justin was scowling at and his gaze caught Kevin’s both of them holding their breath in surprise. Kevin hated the pain that crossed the blonde’s features, but moreso he hated the anger that replaced it.

"Hey ya’ll," Brian said friendly, "can we join you?"

Everyone looked from Brian to Kevin and back again before nodding hesitantly. Justin only scowled at him while Nick pretended he wasn’t there. Kevin knew he deserved that and more.

When the band played, Justin announced that he was going to go up front to watch and tease Chris. Nick said he would join him in a little while, and as much as Nick knew he should just go, something in him, something that needed the pain and torture it seemed, wanted to be by Kevin.

Kevin couldn’t stop looking at Nick, and finally, after ten minutes of questioning whether he should say something, Kevin knew he had to or else he would regret it for his whole life. "How have you been?"

Nick knew Kevin was talking to him. He could even hear him ask how he was, but he didn’t want to deal with him, so he pretended he didn’t hear him. Unfortunately, Kevin leaned in closer.

"HOW ARE YOU?"

"FINE." Nick took a deep breath and looked back at the band.

"Can ... Can we talk?

Nick looked at Kevin and shook his head.

"Please, I have some things I need to say to you."

"Why?"

"Because," Kevin pleaded. "Can we just go outside."

Nick felt his stomach twist nervously and he wrung his fingers together. It would be so easy to go outside with him and ‘talk’. He had no doubt that Kevin had a few things he did need to say to him, but as soon as it was done, he knew they would end up starting to kiss, which would lead into deeper and more passionate kisses, only for Kevin to pull away and tell Nick what a mistake he was making. As much as he yearned and dreamed for Kevin’s kisses again, he couldn’t take his heart breaking again. Finally he shrugged. "I’m trying to watch the show here."

Kevin leaned in and inhaled the scent that he knew to be pure Nick. "Please, I just ..want to go outside with you."

Nick bit his lip and shook his head. In a sudden movement, he stood up and searched for Justin on the dance floor. "No. I don’t want to go outside with you Kevin. I told you at the Shack, I can’t do this anymore. Good bye."

And with as much courage as Nick could muster up, he walked confidently across the dance floor to where Justin was dancing to Chris’ music. Looking up at the stage, Nick smiled at the way Chris’ eyes were transfixed on Justin. Whenever they were at a show, Chris and Justin always played this game, but tonight, it seemed intensified. Nick stood next to Justin and started to dance, surprised when his best friend broke his gaze from Chris’ and turned to look at him.

Upon first glance at Nick’s face, Justin frowned. He’d missed something and although Nick was trying to pretend that nothing was wrong, he was upset. "What’s wrong?"

"I’ll tell you later," Nick called back. Justin gave him a look that said not to play around and he smiled. He would tell Justin what happened, he just didn’t want to scream it to him with the band playing loudly and everyone around them able to overhear. "I promise."

"You better," Justin warned firmly.

"Just ...not here, okay?" Justin nodded and pulled Nick in for a tight hug. When he was sure Nick was okay, he went back to watching the stage, unable to wait until Chris’ set was done so they could slip away and Chris could kiss him senseless.

Kevin watched as Nick strode across the floor without even looking back. There was something in the way Nick turned him down that comforted him, Kevin knew what it would take for Nick to not run in the other direction when he came into the room, and he was starting to question why it wasn’t a good idea. Despite his own reservations, Kevin needed to talk to Chris and possibly, for the first time since it all started, to listen to what his best friend had to say. Kevin had always been so sure he was doing the right thing, he refused to listen to anything else. Looking at Nick who was currently being comforted by his best friend, in Justin’s arms and not his, Kevin realized that he wasn’t happy. He had been happy, for what was probably the first time in a long time, and then in an attempt to not hurt himself or Nick, he made himself not happy, which seemed kind of counterproductive when he really thought about it.

Kevin had a lot of thinking to do.

"What is wrong with you?" A voice asked him. Kevin turned his head to see Lance watching him curiously. When Lance knew he had his full attention, he repeated himself. "I mean, seriously, what is wrong with you?"

"I..." Kevin had no idea how to answer that question. He knitted his eyebrows together and really thought about it. Finally he shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Well you better get an idea and fix it," Lance warned. His voice wasn’t harsh, but not friendly either. "Because Chris thought he was close to the edge of losing Justin, but he was nowhere near as close as you are."

"Lance," AJ said warningly. He flashed Kevin an apologetic look which Kevin shrugged at.

"No," Kevin said stopping AJ from continuing.

At the same time Lance shook his head. "I’m just trying to help him. He keeps pushing Nick away, but when Nick goes, he watches him like a kicked puppy."

Kevin blushed at Lance’s accurate observations.

"He’s confused and upset and angry. All because of you. So he told you he loves you, big fucking deal."

"It is a big fucking deal."

"Apparently, because you broke his heart. Like him loving you is the worst thing that could ever happen."

Kevin sighed and closed his eyes. "It wasn’t a big deal as in a bad big deal, it was ..." He had no idea how to explain it, how to tell Lance or anyone really, how his whole body tingled when Nick said the words, how he’d never been happier than in that second, but in the next was so scared that he didn’t know what to do. He’d never been in love before, and at seventeen, almost eighteen, he was sure he had finally found it. "I can’t even describe it." The smile on his face said it all. When Kevin opened his eyes, he found Lance smiling back at him.

"So you feel that way right, imagine how he feels. Imagine being so full of that feeling that you want to explode. That it’s your reason for living, that its’ the thing you look forward to every day."

Kevin swallowed thickly. His pulse was accelerating and he was trembling. In the softest voice he’d ever used, he whispered, "it is..."

"Then why are you fighting it?" Lance covered Kevin’s hand with his own. All Kevin could do was shrug.

"I don’t know."

"Something to think about," Lance suggested as he began to applaud. The show was over and everyone was starting to return to their seats to wait for the next band to start.

Kevin had been hoping to talk to Chris when he came off stage. But after one look at the way he and Justin were growling at each other, he knew it would have to be later.

"We’re gonna go and make out," Chris announced, grabbing a hold of Justin’s hand. There was no point in denying what everyone already knew.

"So classy," Lance teased. Justin’s eyes lit up and both he and Chris nodded. They took off, only for Justin to return a few minutes later.

"Now, I knew Chris was fast but..." Nick snickered as Justin pouted.

"He got stolen away to talk to the record execs." The whole group started to cheer and Justin shrugged. "I know I shouldn’t be upset, but I really wanted to make out. I’ve been waiting all night."

"You’re too much J," Josh laughed as he and Christina joined the table from the side of the stage where they’d been standing. "Think about it, he gets signed, you can be making out with a millionaire recording artist."

Justin looked over at where Chris and the rest of his band were listening to what the men were saying intently. He shrugged and stuck out his tongue. "I want to make out with him NOW." Rolling his eyes he grinned, "but yeah, millionaire recording artist. Way hot." He remembered that he still had to talk to Nick about what had happened earlier, this would be their perfect chance. "Lets go."

"Where?"

"To talk, you’re not getting out of it."

Nick smiled as he followed Justin to another table where he could pour his heart out without worrying about anyone else hearing them. When Nick was done, Justin held his hand sympathetically and he offered a smile.

"I don’t know if you want to hear this, but I think you did the right thing. I mean, just give him his space. Look at me and Chris, he was convinced he didn’t want to be with me, but he did."

"It just sucked so much to say no, when all I wanted to do was say yes. Does that make me weak?"

Justin’s eyes opened wide. "Are you kidding? It’s weaker for you to give in and let him treat you like that than to just walk away and know you deserve better. And I know you don’t want to hear it, but you do deserve better than him."

"He’s not as awful as he pretends to be," Nick said in Kevin’s defense. "He’s just ..."

"Treating you like shit. You’re fifteen Nick, you shouldn’t be anyone’s best kept secret. Or in yours and his case, it’s the worst kept secret because everyone knows. Just from the way you both watch each other, or how he talks to and about you, everyone knows how he feels. And I think he does too, but he is afraid of something."

"I just don’t know what to do," Nick cried. He put his head down on the table and took a few deep breaths.

"Do what’s best for you. Right now you need to focus on exams and nothing else, but after that, take it one day at a time. Don’t cut him out entirely, but just don’t let yourself be set up to be hurt." Justin leaned in and rested his head on Nick’s shoulder. "Because Chris really likes him, and I would hate to kick his ass for hurting you."

Nick raised his head and looked at Justin who was grinning. "You’re the best friend ever," Nick whispered with his voice wavering.

"You’re the best friend ever."

They sat in silence for a few moments, watching the group from afar. It was then that Nick remembered prom was coming up right after exams. "Are you going to Prom?"

Justin shrugged, "why would I?"

"Because Chris is graduating and you’re his boyfriend," Nick pointed out. Justin shook his head.

"Nope. It’s kinda ...I don’t know. I want to go in my senior year, it seems weird to go this year. And he’s already got a date kinda."

Nick’s eyes opened wide and his jaw dropped open. "A DATE?"

Justin laughed. "Yeah, a date. Not a date date, but a platonic thing. A friend of his that they promised to go to prom together. It’s this whole thing, and bottom line is I’m not going." Justin smiled as he saw Christina and Britney crossing the bar to join them. "Hey ladies."

"Hey boys, what’s going on?"

"We’re just discussing prom and how his boyfriend is going with someone else."

Britney and Christina’s reaction was identical to Nick’s and Justin burst into laughter. "Oh don’t worry, it’s a girl."

"Oh," everyone said in unison, breathing easier.

"You never said she was a girl," Nick pointed out.

"You know what we should do?" Britney suggested. "Do an anti-prom thing."

"An anti-prom?"

"Yeah, we should all get dressed up as if we were going to prom and then go somewhere else."

The other three teens started to nod. "Like bowling," Christina suggested eagerly. "AJ had said something about bowling for Lance’s birthday but we didn’t do it. And I love bowling."

"Exactly," Britney suggested. "We’ll get our prom outfits on, get corsages and stuff and then go bowling. We can eat there and make a night of it, it’ll be so much fun. Just us freshmen, to show that we’re mature enough to have our own swanky party."

Nick and Justin nodded in agreement. "We'll talk to Lance," Nick suggested.

"And we’ll talk to the girls," Christina agreed.

"This is gonna be even more fun than the actual prom," Justin cheered. He had been feeling a little down about Chris going to prom without him, but this sounded like more fun than going to a stuffy old high school dance with a class of people he barely knew or liked. Locking hands with Britney and Nick, who were both locked hands with Christina, the four freshmen all smiled and sealed the plans.

End Chapter 43


Chapter 44 >